


Only A Prayer Nothing More

by BeepBeepSam



Series: A Loser's Development [1]
Category: IT (2017)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Blow Jobs, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Explicit Language, F/M, Fluff, Hand Jobs, Homeschooling, Homophobia, Insecure Stan, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, Recovery, Religious Conflict, Richie Takes Care of His Boy, Rimming, Self-Harm, Smut, Stanley's Parents are Meanies, Touch-Starved, gay conversion therapy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-28
Updated: 2019-02-10
Packaged: 2019-05-14 17:10:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 29
Words: 66,273
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14773742
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BeepBeepSam/pseuds/BeepBeepSam
Summary: Stanley Uris has been homeschooled his whole life and is attending his first year of college.  After years of going through gay conversion therapy due to his parents and his religion, he is nervous to finally be on his own. Now, he is in a battle with himself and his sexuality. To make matters worse, his dorm roommate is very open about his sexuality and is a big member of the LGBTQ community on campus. It first seems like there is no hope for Stan and Richie to ever be friends, but college is the place for trying new things right?





	1. Chapter 1

Stan feels nauseous as he walks down the hall to his designated room.

 

He barely takes notice of the other college freshmen and their families that are bustling in and out of the dorms, trying to unload all their belongings and savoring their farewells with their families. He’s walking with his parents, but he knows his feelings are not like the other guys in the hall. His father is in the lead, carrying his plain grey suitcase while Stan carries a backpack on his shoulders.

That is all he’s bringing.

He can feel his mother’s tight grip on his forearm and he knows it’s her way of reminding him that they are there and that he should keep his eyes trained in front of him. He knows they are unhappy and it’s not in the way other parents usually are. Instead of feeling sad that their boy is growing up, but proud of his achievements, they feel reluctant about letting him go off on his own. If they had their way, Stan would continue his higher education online, hidden by his house walls.

But Rabbi Harlow has given it a lot of thought and decided that Stan has made enough progress to go away for his first year of college. His parents reluctantly agreed.

“Room number 219. This is it.”

His  father’s voice causes him to snap to attention. Stan stares at the blank brown door in front of him that has a small metal plate with the numbers ‘219’ on it.

This is it.

This is where he will live for the next year.

His father reaches out and turns the doorknob, causing the door to swing open into the empty room.

His roommate must not be here yet.

He can feel relief sweep through him at the revelation. His parents and Rabbi Harlow tried so hard to get him a single room, but those were unavailable to freshmen. The fact that he would be sharing a room with another boy almost cost him another year of homeschooling.

Not only is he grateful that his parents won’t be able to meet his roommate, this means that he’ll be able to organize his belongings the way he wants without being judged.

He knows he’s too meticulous about things that don’t matter to other people, but it doesn’t stop him from panicking when things are not in order.

His father walks in first and sets the suitcase down on the twin bed that has a grey sheet and one grey pillow on it. He’ll have to buy a new comforter set because he has no clue where that sheet and pillow have been or who has slept on them. In fact, he’ll have to buy a lot of new things considering all he brought with him were his clothes and books. His parents have given him a credit card for this purpose.

The walls are painfully bare and white but Stan likes it this way. There is no way to throw off the clean look by putting pictures and posters on the wall.

He hopes his roommate feels the same way. 

The only thing on the wall right now is a window that is on the opposite wall of the door they just came in. It appears to be there as a sort of divider of the room, as his furniture is on the right of it while is roommate’s is on the left.

Next to the head of his bed is a brown nightside table. There is also a a small desk at the foot of his bed that faces the footboard and it is similar in style to his nightstand. The other half of the room is identical to his.

Stan approaches it and takes the books he has in his backpack out and sets them on the desk in a stack with the biggest book on the bottom and the smallest on top. He zips up his backpack and places it on the back of the desk chair and adjusts it so the straps are even and it’s not hanging lopsided.

“Looks like you’re all set,” His father says. He hasn’t even unzipped his suitcase yet.

Stan turns to his parents to find them already watching him. His father clears his throat, but it’s his mother that steps forward. She lays one hand on his cheek and looks at him intently.

“You’ll be smart, won’t you Stanley? You’ll make good choices?” She asks him in a small voice.

Stan looks at her. She’s shorter than him but he always feels so intimated by her gaze. She would be an attractive woman if she didn’t have such blank eyes or have her hair pulled back in such a tight bun that it stretched her features. Stan has always thought of his mother as weak; she doesn’t like confrontation and often tries to hide from her problems. He guesses he does love her, but it feels like a required love. Sometimes he wonders if she really loves him.

“Of course, Mom. I’m here to make you proud. Both of you.” He responds, this time turning to his father.

His father is not much taller than him, only about an inch or so. He’s got dark hair and dark eyes as well and on the back is his head sits a black kippah. His father is cleanly shaven and Stan cannot recall a time that he has seen his father with so much as a stubble.

Stanley thinks that his parents are very similar and that must be why they ended up together. They both are alway so properly dressed. Even now, his mom is in a tight navy blue skirt suit with matching heels. His father is in suit, which is what he wears on a daily basis. They both have aging wrinkles, but not the kind that suggest years of smiles and laughter, but of years full of scowling and frowning.

“You’re on your own now. You’re an adult, which means you get to make your own choices. Don’t do anything your mother and I wouldn’t want you to,” His father states.

Stan and his parents have developed a secret language. None of them want to blatantly talk about the elephant in the room, so they’ve come up with a code to get across their point. 'Being smart' and 'making good choices' is not them telling him to get good grades or not to party too much. It's his parents' way of saying not to let their years of progress go down the drain. 'Making them proud' is Stan's way of promising that he won't think those thoughts or be tempted. He can be strong. He will not give into temptation.

"Your mother and I will be on our way now. You'll call us if you need anything."

It's not a question; it's a statement.

"Yes, father. Have a safe trip home. I'll see you on Thanksgiving."

His parents leave without a second glance back. Stan suspects they never wanted to come to begin with and he doesn't blame them.

Stanley lets out a sigh and runs his fingers through the hair that has fallen into his face and looks around the room. He wants to unpack, but he needs to clean everything first. Stan leaves the room in search of a utility closet. His gaze is trained onto the ground in front of him because there are boys everywhere. He digs his nails into his palm, a habit he has developed to distract himself from those "thoughts". The sting of it is familiar and he finds himself counting the tiles as he walks. He knows where he's going, he saw the door marked "janitor" on his way in and made a mental note of how to get back to it. When he gets to the door, he is relieved to see some basic Clorox wipes and a handheld duster still in it's packaging. He grabs them both and makes the journey back to his room.

It's exactly the way he left it; no roommate in sight.

Stan quickly gets to work, taking the sheet and pillow of the bed and tossing them both out. He first dusts everything, even though it appears to have been cleaned not that long ago. Stan knows that the person did not do it correctly so he takes his time wiping down every inch of his furniture, using wipe after wipe. When he's done, he looks over to his roommate's side. He can't do anything about the bedding because his roommate will probably actually use it, but he decides it'll be okay if he cleans his furniture as well.

When he's done, the canister of Clorox wipes is almost completely empty so he sets it on his desk instead of returning it. He throws away the duster.

Now that everything is clean enough to his standards, he approaches his suitcase and takes out his polo shirts and jeans. He has a couple of t-shirts and pajama bottoms for sleeping but that is all. He hangs all his clothes in his personal small closet that is opposite of his bed. He organizes his socks and underwear into the bottom drawer of his nightstand. He has two pair of shoes; one he lays at the floor of his closet, the other he has on.

He takes out the bird encyclopedia he has hidden in a pair of jeans and sets it on his nightstand. His last item is a camera his parents got him for his birthday last year. It had been a reward for his progress with Rabbi Harlow. It's a Panasonic Lumix LX10 and it's small enough to be easily carried around in it's case. He considers it his most prized possession. He places that on the nightstand as well.

The last thing he does, is zip his suitcase back up and slide it underneath his bed, out of sight.

It's late afternoon and there's light coming through the blinds, making the room bright.

His next order of business is to go to the store and buy all the necessities that he'll need. He makes a mental checklist and leaves the room, locking the door behind him. Moving from a small town to big city like New York City is a big change and Stan is already feeling lost as he walks down the sidewalk. He would consider taking a taxi cab, but he's terrified of public transportation.

No, for now he'll walk.

His university is in a pretty busy neighborhood, so everything is in a pretty good walking distance. He finds a local super market and enters. His first stop is in the bathroom utilities department. He buys the essentials: shampoo, conditioner, toothpaste and toothbrush, razors, shaving cream, and a facial cleaner. He scans the shelves for something for hair; it can be so hard to manage since it's so curly. He really wants the one that smells like coconut, but he knows better. He gets the unscented one instead.

Next, he's off to buy new bedding. He goes for a simple navy green bedding set. There are no patterns or designs.

It's perfect.

He buys a new pillow since he threw the other one away. He figures that is all he needs for right now because he knows he can't carry much else and he still needs to get dinner. He checks out at the self-check out lane and leaves in search of a place to eat.

He finds a small cafe that doesn't appear to be very busy. He can feel the anxiety creep up his throat when he has to tell the young girl behind the counter his order. It's just a simple pastrami on rye sandwich and a water, but his voice is still shaky when he speaks. He grabs his food and makes his way to a back table that has a high stool and was obviously meant for only one person. It has a good view of the street in front of him and he watches as people walk by and go in and out of shops.

It's getting darker and it's finally sinking in that he's alone.

At first, he feels ecstatic. His parents are no where around and he could do anything he wanted without them ever knowing. But a voice in the back of his mind, no, not 'a' voice. 'His' voice. His voice is there, telling him that they're all depending on him to make them proud. He doesn't want to disappoint them.

So he eats in silence and watches the street in front of him. His mind wanders and he vaguely wonders if his roommate has moved in yet. Classes don't begin until next week and it's a Wednesday. That means he has almost a whole week to get to know his roommate and settle in.

He suddenly can't wait to start his classes.

~~~

When Stan returns to his dorm hall, things have settled down.  All the families have left, leaving the hall quiet.  The students must be either unpacking or eating dinner, Stan concludes.  He feels himself breathe easier now that there isn't so much commotion and people. 

He passes a couple of guys on the way to his room so he keeps his eyes glued to his shoes. 

Stan walks to his room in a sort of trance, although, he is quickly snapped from it when he gets near his door and hears loud music playing from the other side of it. 

His heart suddenly drops into his stomach when he realizes his roommate must have arrived while he was gone. Swallowing hard, he pushes the door open.

The room is a complete mess.

There are clothes thrown everywhere. They're on the ground, on the furniture, and on his roommate's bed.  Stan's eyes shift to the walls which already have posters of bands that he's never even heard of. One is hanging unevenly. The worst thing, in Stan's opinion, is the opened box of a half eaten pizza just sitting on his roommate's bed.

There is a tall gangly boy with dark curly hair standing on the bed, unsuccessfully trying to hang yet another poster, with a piece of pizza sticking out of his mouth.  Stan watches in mortification as a piece of pepperoni falls onto the pillow.

The door closes behind him, causing both him and the other boy to jump. The boy quickly turns around and the poster he was trying to hang up falls limply onto the bed.

"Shit, man, I didn't even know you were standing there," He says to a paralyzed Stan. Stan can't respond.  His eyes are trained on the boy in front of him and his voice is stuck in his throat.

Everything about the boy screams "loud."  He's in this awful bright green t-shirt that has a vulgar image on it with block lettering. His jeans are black with holes in the knees and his socks look like they haven't been washed. Ever. His hair looked unruly from the back, but now that's Stan's facing him, it's even worse.  It's falling into his eyes and sticking out in weird places.  He's got thick frame glasses that makes his eyes appear bigger than they actually are. 

He looks so obnoxious that Stan is utterly shocked that he is actually pulling off this look. Stan uses the hand that isn't holding his bags and digs his nails into his palm when he realizes he's been staring way too long.

The boy jumps down from the bed and picks up his phone to turn off the music playing from the blue tooth speaker on his nightstand.  Stan takes notice that he's only a couple inches taller than him before he turns to Stan. 

"I'm Richie Tozier, but you can call me Trashmouth.  It's kind of a nickname my friends came up with.  I'm assuming you're Stan? Your name was written on your books over there."

He gestures to where Stan's books are now all sloppily stacked out of order. 

Stan suddenly feels like he can't breathe. 

Everything's a mess. His room is a mess, the boy in front of him is a mess, and now his own things are a mess.

Richie must notice his discomfort because he's suddenly speaking again.

"Oh, fuck, I'm sorry dude, I promise I'm gonna clean up. Just getting settled in, ya know?" He awkwardly starts to pick up various items of clothing and setting them into a pile on his bed. Stan eyes the shirt that is dangerously close the open pizza box.

Richie looks over at him and frowns. "Hey, uh, are you okay, man? Look I'm sorry for touching your stuff, I just wasn't sure who I was rooming with and there wasn't very many things in the room when I got here, so I waited a while before look-"

"It's fine," Stan forces out. He just needs the boy, Richie, to stop talking so he can calm down.

Richie is still watching him as Stan makes his way to his own bed, which fortunately doesn't have any clothes on it, and sets his things down.

Maybe if he closes his eyes and concentrates hard enough, the boy and his mess will disappear.

One.

Two.

Three.

When he opens his eyes and turns around, the boy is still there, along with the clothes, posters, and pizza. 

Stan needs to leave. He can't do this.

He hastily walks out the door and out onto the streets.  He doesn't know where he's going and he knows this isn't safe, but right now, he can't go back into that room.

~~~

A couple hours have passed and it is completely dark out.  Stan knows he has no other choice but to return to the room unless he wants to sleep on a park bench. 

To his utter surprise, the room is empty when he gets there. Richie is gone and so his clothes that were scattered all over the room.  The posters are still hanging up and the one that was lopsided has been fixed. 

When he looks over to his books, they have been put back in the way he had originally put them.  The pizza is nowhere to be seen.

He feels relief sweep through him at the sight of the clean room.  Then he feels guilt.

Oh god, he had been so rude.  Not only had he just stared at the boy, he had said two words and ran out like a baby. Richie must think he's some kind of freak.

Who is he kidding, he is a freak.  No other guy would be so freaked out about a little mess.  Richie sure wasn't.  Stan can feel himself clenching his fist, but he can't process the pain at the moment. 

What a great first impression.

Letting out a sigh and releasing his fist, he picks up the bags of stuff he bought.  Stan figures he might as well busy himself and make up his bed.  When he's done, there is not a wrinkle in sight and the pillow sits perfectly in the middle.

He suddenly feels dirty. He can feel the dirt and grime build on his skin and he needs to get it off.  Now.

He gathers his toiletries and leaves the room to the find the bathroom.

When Stan first found out that he would be sharing a bathroom with all the other guys in the dorm, he almost passed out. Even after he has come to terms with it, he can still feel that light headed feeling return as he nears the bathroom doors. 

There's only two other guys in there and Stan automatically feels his cheeks flush. He blames it on steam coming from one of the showers. 

The other guy is standing at the mirror, with only a towel around his waist, brushing his teeth. Stan swallows when he sees the muscles in the guy's back contract as his arm moves with his brush.  Catching Stan's eyes in the mirror, the guy simply raises an eyebrow and leans over to spit out the excess foam. 

"What's up, dude?" He asks Stan. His skin is dark and his eyes are a warm brown. When he first spoke, Stan was afraid of him being mad, but now he genuinely seems friendly.  He's really good looking, but Stan immediately shuts down that thought. "Boys don't find other boys attractive.” A voice says in his head.

"Uh," Stan knows he must look like a dork in comparison to this boy.  He's scrawny and in slacks and button down shirt. His arms are full with his shower stuff. He quickly comes up with a reason for  looking at the other boy.

"I don't know how to work the shower nozzle," Stan replies shakily.  The boy frowns, but there's a smile playing at his lips.

"Ah, well, okay. Let me show you," He leads the way into one of the shower cubicles and Stan follows like a lost puppy. 

"So, it's actually really simple.  You turn this one this way the hotter you want the water to be and this one this way the colder you want it to be," The boy says, gesturing to the two nozzles that sit opposite each other.

Stan feels so embarrassed when he realizes the boy must think he's really stupid for not being able to figure it out on his own, especially when there are little picture on the nozzles showing which one is hot and which one is cold.

"Oh, um, thanks." Stan says dumbly.

The boy chuckles, but it's not mean spirited.

"No problem. I'm Mike, by the way," Mike says, sticking out his hand for Stanley to shake.  When Stan reaches out one of his hands, the bottle of shampoo falls from his arms and clatters loudly onto the aluminum floor.  Mike chuckles again and reaches down to pick it up for him.

"Sorry," Stan says sheepishly. "I'm Stan." He quickly states, realizing that he never introduced himself.

Mike gives him a kind smile and says, "It's nice to meet you Stan. Maybe I'll see you around, yeah?" Mike says as he starts to walk out of the bathroom.

He's gone before Stan thinks to reply.

~~~

 When Stan is done with his shower and his nightly routine of cleaning his face and teeth, he treads back to his room.  The lights are still off like he left them, except this time, Richie is asleep under his covers. Stan eyes the boy and wonders when he came back and where he went to begin with.  He still feels so bad about his breakdown earlier and he hopes this meeting isn't a foretelling of how they'll get along.

Besides, Richie did clean up the mess and apologized when he noticed it bothered Stan.  That's got to be a good sign, right?

"He only did that because he was so freaked out by your actions.  When will you learn to be normal? You pleaded for so long to come to college and to make friends, but you've already freaked out the people you've met so far.  Maybe this was a mistake. You should probably go home." That voice in his head says.

He can feel tears prick his eyes at the thought of returning home before even starting the semester. His parents would of course be glad that he came back home, but that means they would know he couldn't do it. They would be so disappointed in him for failing and wasting his progress.

No.

He could do this.   He could make friends and not freak out over little messes.  He could be normal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Thank you so much for reading! I've had this idea for awhile so I finally got an ao3 account! My tumblr is beepbeepbirb<3


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those of you that read this before, I combined the first two chapters into one, so chapter 2 is actually chapter 3 to you guys.

When Stan wakes up the next morning, he feels anxious.  Richie is still asleep on his bed across the room and Stan is grateful that he doesn't haven't to face him yet.

He quietly picks out his clothes for the day and takes them and his bathroom things, and leaves the room to make his way to the bathroom.

There are more boys in there this morning, some of them wearing nothing but a towel.  If Stan didn't need to brush his teeth and change, he would have immediately turned around when he walked in. Instead, he sharply tugs his hair and averts his eyes.  

There is some chatter in the bathroom as he stands in line, waiting for a cubicle to become vacant so he can change.  When he gets behind the safety of the locked door, he can't help how hard he’s breathing.  He feels so uncomfortable, but he knows he has to push through unless he wants to go back to his room and change in front of  _Richie._

The thought alone causes him to throw off his pajamas and pull on the clean clothes.

When he leaves the bathroom cubicle, he approaches the sink and sets his folded pile of clothes on the counter next to him and begins to brush his teeth.

He stares at himself as he's brushing and takes notice of the dark circles under his eyes.  He hadn't slept well the night before.  He can't shake the anxiety that's piling higher and higher in his chest. His sleep had been restless, like he couldn't quite get comfortable.

When he finishes with changing and getting himself ready for the day, he silently picks up his stuff and leaves.

Richie is awake when he returns to their room.

He's sitting up on his bed and is scrolling through something on his phone.  He looks up when Stan enters the room, but doesn't say anything. To say it was as awkward as the day before would be a colossal understatement. You could cut the tension through the room with knife.

 _Say something._ Stan tells himself. _Anything._

"Um. I'm sorry about leaving yesterday. That was rude of me," Stan finally says as he awkwardly walks over and places his clothes in a pile on the floor of his closet.

_I need to get a laundry basket._

"No, hey dude, it's cool. I shouldn't have touched your stuff. We're cool." Richie responds. Stan turns around to face him. 

Richie is shirtless and it looks like he only has underwear on under the comforter. His hair is even more of a mess than it was the day before and, like de ja vu, Stan feels his cheeks warm from staring too long.

He goes to sit on his bed and reaches for his Kippah and secures it on the back of his head.

Richie is still watching him when he looks back up.

"So, you're Jewish, huh? That's pretty cool." Suddenly Richie is smirking and he lets out a chuckle before stating, "Stan the Man, Jew with the plan."

He smiles at Stan like he’s proud of the joke and Stan feels his lips slowly curve up into a smile. 

Is this what making a friend feels like?

Richie yawns and stretches out his arms before pulling off the covers that were partially covering his lap and climbing out of his bed. Immediately, Stan averts his eyes to the window and looks out. 

There's a tree outside and some of the branches come pretty close to their building and Stan is delighted to see a couple of birds hopping around on some of the branches.  He'd have to get a closer look later to be able to tell what they are.

"Hey, have you eaten? I'm gonna go down to the student union and get something to eat. I'm starving." Richie looks at him, now fully dressed and pulling on some shoes.

"Yes! Okay, yea I'm hungry too," Stan says, eager to continue this new experience of making a friend.

He gets up and follows Richie closely to the student union. The place is packed with college kids, and they wait silently in line for breakfast, neither one of them knowing how to start a conversation.

After they both grab their breakfast, they find a small table that seats only two people. 

Richie immediately starts scarfing down his breakfast burrito while Stan is a little more picky with his cereal.

"So, Staniel, what are you majoring in?" Richie asks after they've been sitting there for awhile, obviously trying to make conversation.

Stan doesn't make a comment on the nicknames and responds, "Business. My dad thinks it's a safe career choice. You?"

"Hmm.  I'm undecided. Can't seem to make up my mind," Richie responds.

Stan feels his eyes widen at the confession. How could Richie be here, literally to prepare for the rest of his life, and still not know what he wants he to do? But Stan feels guilty for thinking that, especially when he could care less about the major chosen for him.

Richie seems to pick up on his surprise because he states, "Don't worry. I've talked to my advisor and she says that it's perfectly normal for me not to know yet. I still have get through general classes before I have to make up my mind anyway." Richie winks before picking up his coffee and downing it.

Stan acts like he didn't see the wink.

Once they've finished their meal, they sit there in silence again. Richie pulls out his phone and starts typing on it and Stan is forced to sit there awkwardly and people watch.

Some of the kids in the union appear to have just woken up and are still dressed in their pajamas. Stan blanches at the thought of coming down here only in his red plaid pajama set. 

Most of the other students look more put together like Richie and him. There are tables full of friend groups and then there are the occasional stragglers, left to sit by themselves. He catches sight of the boy from the night before, but Mike doesn't see him.

"Hey, are you busy today?" Richie asks out of nowhere, causing Stan to snap his head to look back at him.

"No, I don't have anything planned. Except maybe going to the store again. Why?"

"I have a couple friends that are sophomores, which means they don't have to live in the dorms, and they've decided to move in with each other this year. They need help moving into their apartment today. Wanna help?" Richie asks casually, like meeting new people isn't a big deal.

"Um," Stan hesitates.

"It's okay. You don't have to if you don't want to. I just didn't know if you had any friends or not."

Stan winces at that comment. Of course Richie doesn't think he has any friends. He's totally correct, but the assumption still hurts.

"I, uh, I would actually like to, if that's okay? I don't want to get in the way, though," Stan answers shyly.

Richie lights up at the admission. "Great! We really need the extra set of hands cause Eddie has a lot of shit, ya know?" He laughs.

Stan can't help smiling just a little bit himself.

~~~

Richie ends up calling an Uber for them when it's time for them to head over to his friends' apartment. Stan is still slightly uncomfortable about being in a stranger's car, but he definitely prefers it over the bus. 

The drive is about ten minutes from campus and it's filled with soft music playing through the radio. Stan doesn't recognize the songs, but Richie does because Stan can hear him humming along. 

When they pull up in front of a pretty nice apartment complex, they get out and Richie leads him to one of the apartments on to second floor. 

Richie doesn't even knock when they get to the door; he just walks in.

"What's up fuckers?!" He calls into what is a half empty apartment. There are boxes stacked up in the room and a lone couch against the far wall.

"Fuck off, Richie! Hurry up and get in here and help me put together this bed frame!" A voice calls from one of the other rooms. 

Stan silently cringes at all the vulgar language.

Richie smirks and nods his head to Stan to have him follow him to the bedroom.

When they enter, there is a tan boy on his knees trying to screw together a bed frame. The mattress and box spring are leaning against the wall and there is a dresser in the room with several boxes scattered everywhere.

"Aw, Eddie Spaghetti. Left all alone to fend for yourself, huh? Don't worry, big, strong Trashmouth is here to help! I’m basically a superhero,” Richie states patronizingly even though he makes no move to help.

"Shut up, Richie. Just hand me that screw driver, will ya? And don't call me that," The boy says like it's an afterthought and he doesn't even take his eyes off the metal bars in his hands and the instruction manual laid out on the floor in front of him.

Richie walks over and hands the boy the tool and whistles lowly. "Wow, I can't believe you wouldn't even say hi to your first guest Eds. Even I'm not that rude." 

It's then that Eddie lifts his head and sees Stan. He quickly stands up and dusts off his clothes while cussing.

"Goddamn it, Richie, why didn't you tell me he was there? Oh my God," He glares at Richie, before turning to Stan. "I'm Eddie."

"Stan." Stanley introduces himself as he takes in the new boy.

He's considerably shorter than both Richie and him. He's wearing some shorts that Stan has never seen on a boy. He's olive skinned and his hair and eyes are a dark brown. His shirt looks like it's a couple sizes too big for him because it's hanging off one of his shoulders until he readjusts it.

"Sorry Richie's so fucking rude. He was never taught any manners," Eddie tells him, turning back to Richie, who has moved on to trying to stack the boxes as high as he can.

"I resent that Eds. I'm not the one that ignored Stan the man."

"Will you stop that? You're gonna break something. I seriously don't have the patience to deal with you right now," Eddie snaps, walking over and grabbing a box from Richie's grip. "Seriously, just go unpack the books for the hallway bookcase. Even you can't fuck that up," Eddie states before pushing Richie out of the room. "Stan can stay in here because he will probably actually help me, unlike you."

"You wound me Eddie Spaghetti. Just like that, and I'm being replaced? I thought we had something special," Richie says and pretends to cry as he's being pushed. Eddie closes the door behind him and sighs.

"I'm so sorry you have to live  with him. I wouldn't be able to handle it," Eddie says to him when they're alone.

"Oh, did he tell you he was rooming with me?" Stan asks, confused on how Eddie knows he's Richie's roommate.

Eddie falters before kneeling back down in front of the bed frame and says, "Yea, he told me he met you last night when we were hanging out with some friends," He pauses what he's doing and looks at his wristwatch before frowning. "Speaking of, Ben and Bev were supposed to be here an hour ago."

Stan doesn't know how to respond to this and just silently makes his way closer to Eddie.

He hates that Richie told his friends about him after their first meeting. Now, they'll probably all think he's weird.

He's digging his nails into his palm because he can't help noticing how tan Eddie's thighs are underneath those shorts and he needs to stop.

He didn't come over to look at boys. He came over to make new friends and to help.

"Be normal. Boys don’t stare at boys." The voice in his head says.

He takes a look at the picture on the instruction manual and then at the pieces in Eddie's hands. 

"Here, try this one," He says, waking over and picking up the piece that looks like the picture, before handing it to Eddie.

He's not surprised when they fit, but he is surprised at how delighted Eddie is at Stan's help.

Together, they find all the pieces and follow the manual's instructions on how to put them together. It isn't even twenty minutes later that they're staring down at a completely put together bed frame.

"Wow, that was so much easier with you here. Thanks for doing this, by the way. I know helping strangers isn't how most people want to spend their day, but I really appreciate the extra help," Eddie tells him.

"It's really not a big deal," Stan says bashfully. "I didn't have anything planned anyway."

Eddie is about to respond when another voice cuts him off.

"Hello! We're here bitches!" A girl's voice rings through the apartment. Eddie sighs before treading back into the living room. Stan follows close behind.

When they enter the room, Stan is surprised to see two people standing there and not one.

The first is obviously the girl that called out. She’s got fire red hair the goes to her mid back and her eyes are a bright blue. She’s  wearing some ripped jeans and and old band shirt.

She’s with a boy who’s about a foot taller than her, but about the same height as Stan. He’s got light brown hair and kind brown eyes. He’s pretty buff and Stan kind of feels intimidated by his stature. He’s dressed in sweats and a college hoodie.

”Bev, you guys were supposed to be here hours ago,” Eddie says to the couple. This must be Bev and Ben.

”Oh, calm your tits, Eddie. Classes don’t start till Monday, we still have all weekend to help you guys move in.” Bev rolls her eyes at the boy, while Ben just smiles.

Suddenly, Bev is skipping her way over to Stan. 

“Well. You must be Stanley. I think Richie might be beaten out for his title of curliest hair.” She winks at him as she reaches up and tugs af one of his curls. 

”In your dreams, Marsh. These bad boys aren’t losing to anyone anytime soon,” Richie says from where’s appeared in the doorway to the hall.

“Richie! Look at this tat I got last night after we left!” She runs over to Richie, stretching out her arm and showing him the tattoo of a scorpion she got on her wrist.

The two suddenly start a conversion on tattoos while Stan is left standing shocked. 

All his life, he’s been taught that his body is a temple and that any kind of permanent fixture, such as a tattoo or a piercing, was destroying his temple and disrespecting God.

He swallows and looks away. He wants to say something, but he also wants to make friends. Rabbi Harlow told him that he would be faced with difficult choices and he wonders if this is what he was talking about.

In the end, it appears his mind is made up for him because all talk of tattoos dissipates when Eddie starts giving out jobs to everyone.

~~~

After a half day of unpacking, the apartment is nearly complete. 

Stan wonders about Eddie’s roommate, but when he asks, Richie explains that he had to do some stuff at home and is scheduled to arrive on Saturday with the rest of their stuff.

The group decides to order pizza for lunch since Eddie doesn’t have any food in the kitchen yet. 

They sit in the half furnished living room and Stan listens as they gossip about tv shows, music, and their classes.

He watches the group interact with each other and it seems like they’ve been friends for a long time. Richie, especially, seems to be in his element. He’s cracking jokes left and right that usually has them all in stitches. Every once in while, he’ll say something annoying but even when he’s scolded, he doesn’t seem at all bothered.

Stan is happy to just sit there and listen to the group. That is, until the attention is turned on him.

”So, Staniel. Tell us a little about ya, yea? It’s hard to be best friends with a complete stranger,” Richie states. 

Stan feels frozen in his seat, completely unprepared to answer any questions. 

“Um. Well. What do you want to know?” He dumbly responds back.

”Tell us anything you want. Come on, we won’t bite,” Richie urges when he see Stan’s hesitance.

”Okay, well, I’m 19. I’m majoring in business. My favorite color’s green. Um. I like birds?” He states but it comes out like a question.

Ugh, he feels so lame. 

“Well, that’s pretty cool.” Bev is the first to speak up. “I’m majoring in fashion and Ben’s majoring in architecture.”

”I’m majoring in psychology.” This time it’s Eddie speaking up.

Richie dramatically rolls his eyes from his seat. “Look at you guys. Having everything planned out. What a bunch of nerds.”

Eddie throws some packing peanuts at him.

~~~

The rest of the afternoon is spent watching Netflix on the living room tv. 

Bev and Richie had fought over the remote control before Ben had stepped in and picked a movie they all agreed on. 

It had become pretty obvious pretty quick that Bev and Ben were a couple, but Stan found it hard to take his eyes off of them when they cuddled on the couch.

He felt a longing in his chest at the sight and he cursed himself for being so pathetic.

His attention was also frequently drawn over to Richie, who liked to make commentary on the movie which usually caused an annoyed response from Eddie.

When he wasn’t talking, he was shifting around in his seat, like he couldn’t help but have to be moving at all times.

When the movie ended and Stan realized that he couldn’t even remember what the movie had been about, he felt ashamed. 

Richie didn’t want to be stared at while watching a movie. Stan felt mortified by his actions. He had been there for one day, and already he was falling back into temptation. His palms stung from how hard he had dug his nails in. 

They decided to watch another movie before Stan and Richie were to leave and this time Stan didn’t allow his eyes to leave the screen once.  

 

 

 


	3. Chapter 3

Stan has never enjoyed his life as much as he has these past couple days. 

When he got here Wednesday, he was a mess, afraid to even be in the same room as another person. Two days later and he’s sitting on the couch, with four other people, laughing as Richie tells them a story from when he got kicked out of a blockbuster store. 

Stan’s never had friends before. 

The closest he’s ever gotten was when he snuck onto his computer in the middle of the night and exchanged messages with one of the other kids in his homeschooling server. Then his mom caught him one time and started to take his laptop away as soon as he got done with his lessons each day.

Now Richie’s friends- no, his friends, as Beverly has proclaimed to him several times, have taken him in and have made him feel like he finally belongs somewhere.

He’s still awkward and he still barely talks, but he’s more than content to just sit and listen to them talk and bicker.

The voice in the back of his mind is still there and it’s reminding him that he’s not there to make friends. He’s there to study and pass his classes.

...but he’s an adult and even his parents have friends, so it can’t be that bad right? Although this group is definitely not what his parents or Rabbi Harlow would want him associating himself with.

This group is definitely not God-fearing. In fact, he doesn’t know if any of them are religious at all. He’s been too scared to ask.

Eddie’s place has become the main hangout spot for their small group. Ben and Bev are inseparable and Eddie’s roommate is supposed to arrive tomorrow night.

Richie and him have been getting along pretty well. They’re still pretty awkward when it’s just them, but Richie never fails to make him laugh.

It’s obvious that Richie is aware of his cleaning habits because their room stay spotless. Stan is so grateful that Richie hasn’t mentioned it. 

In fact, Richie has even gone out of his way to make sure the others are picking up after themselves as well. Stanley knows this because one time, Beverly had finished a bottle of pop and had jokingly thrown it at Eddie’s chair and missed. Eddie had been looking down at his phone and hadn’t even noticed. Beverly was fine with just leaving it on the floor for someone else to pick up and Stan was fine with being the one to do it. 

However, before he could even stand up, Richie had leaned over and whispered something to Bev while gesturing to the bottle. Stan knew it was about him because Beverly snuck a glance at him before jumping and grabbing the bottle herself to throw away.

 Stan hasn’t missed the sneaky looks and whispers going on around him. It’s usually Richie telling the others something, but he has seen some looks going on between the other three as well. 

Stan reaches over for his glass of coke that is sitting on the side table next to him, but he isn’t looking and instead of grabbing it, he pushes it off and it spills all over the carpet. 

Immediately he jumps up and everyone snaps their head to the sound and commotion. 

“I’m so sorry! Oh my god, I didn’t- I wasn’t paying attention and- I’m so so sorry Eddie!” He starts babbling as he runs to the kitchen to grab some paper towels. He runs over and drops to his hands and knees to start soaking up the drink and he vaguely registers that he’s shaking. 

“You’re so useless, you can’t even hang out with your friends without making a fool of yourself and look - you're ruining Eddie's apartment. Look at this mess, how can you even think that you’ll be able to clean it without it staining? You’re not going to be invited back over and-“ the voice in his head is suddenly shut off when he feels a warm hand on his shoulder. 

It’s Bev. 

He looks down and realizes that he’s already used the whole roll of paper towels and you can’t even see where the spill was. 

Oh no. 

“Stanley, are you okay babe?” Bev asks in soft voice. Stan swallows and sits back on his knees, and when he looks at the others, they’re all looking at him in shock. 

“I’m-“ He clears his throat when his voice comes out shaky. “I’m okay. I didn’t mean to freak you out. Sorry. ” He whispers and looks down at his lap. 

“Hey, Stan. It’s okay. You didn’t mean to spill it and you didn’t even have to clean it up by yourself, Babe. I promise it's not a big deal and no one's mad at you, okay?" Bev stated softly and starts to slowly rub his back from where she’s crouched down next to him.

Stan looks up at where Eddie is standing and is overcome with embarrassment from his outburst.  

"I'm so sorry, Eddie. I should have been more careful, especially since you just moved in," Stan apologizes from where he is still sitting on the ground.

Eddie seems to still be in shock, but when Stanley apologizes again, he quickly reacts.

"It's not an issue at all, man. I mean, at least you helped clean it up. If Richie had spilled it, he would have hid it and then the stain would be there until they put new carpet in." Eddie jokes and the sudden tension in the room disappears as they laugh at Richie's indignant huff.

~~~

"Are we gonna talk about what happened back there?" Eddie whispers to Richie when they end up alone in the kitchen to get a refill on popcorn and drinks.

Richie looks behind him to make sure no one's around before whispering back, "I told ya, Eds, he's weird when it comes to messes. He doesn't like them and he freaks out when he sees one. Plus, he's kind of skittish, haven't you noticed? Dude acts like we're about to kick him out for breathing too hard or some shit. I want to ask, but I barely know him. I don't know. Maybe he just needs some time and he'll calm down," Richie finishes and pops a piece of popcorn in his mouth as they wait for another pack to finish popping in the microwave.

Eddie still looks unsure but he doesn't say anything until they start pouring drinks for everyone.

"I thought he asked for water?" He points out to where Richie is pouring a refill of soda into Stan's cup.

Richie rolls his eyes.

"He only asked for water cause he's worried he's gonna spill again and he's freaking out about it." He finishes pouring and grabs the drinks and heads back into the living room.

Stan looks confused when Richie hands him a glass full of soda when he specifically asked for water. Instead of saying anything about it, Richie winks at him before heading back into the kitchen to help grab the popcorn.

Stan blushes and sinks down into the cushion he's sitting on and sips at his drink.

~~~

"Ugh, I'm so fucking bored. All we ever do is watch shitty TV. Why are you guys so boring? We're in college! We should be going to parties and getting wasted! It's Friday, there has to be something more fun than Netflix," Richie complains once they finish another movie.

Eddie rolls his eyes. "Trust me Richie, once classes start, you're going to be begging for the chance to just sit down and watch a fucking movie. Plus, you're the only one who even wants to go to a party. Right guys?" Eddies turns to the rest of them.

Ben sighs as Beverly seems to ponder their argument. "Actually, a party sounds great right now. I'm in the mood to be a little reckless tonight, I think," She smirks after thinking on it. 

Eddie frowns at her and then turns to Stan.

"What do you want to do, Stan?" 

Stan had been watching the others go back and forth, but freezes when Eddie turns to him. He had been thinking about how to bring this up to the others and now seems like the best time.

"I, um, actually am going to synagogue tonight. It's Shabbat eve," He tells them awkwardly, reaching up to harshly tug on one of his curls.

They all seem to pause as they take in this information. Ben is the first to speak up.

"Well, hey, that's cool. Do you already know where you're going or do you need help getting there?" He asks, eager to help their new friend find his way around the big city.

"No, my parents and I checked it out before I moved into the dorm," It's only half a lie. They had actually looked at all the temples in the city and figured out which one was the best fit for him before he was even allowed to apply for the university.

"Okay, well, with Stan out, it's unanimous, we're going to a party," Richie states and Bev whoops is excitement. Eddie starts to stammer his disagreement, but Richie playfully tackles him and they play wrestle on the carpet.

"C'mon, Eddie Spaghetti, have a little fun, it's not gonna kill ya, I promise," Richie laughs from where he is currently in a headlock by Eddie.

"Fucking asshole, don't call me that. Do you give up?" He asks smugly as Richie tries to work his way out of his grip with no success.

Richie slowly stops flailing around and huffs out a breath, making the hair that had fallen into his face fly up and fall back down into his eyes. He defeatedly taps Eddie's arm three times and Eddie releases him.

Bev smiles at Stanley and rolls her eyes fondly and he smiles back, amused by their playfulness.

"Fine. We can go out if you can find a party to go to." Eddie settles back down into his seat, not even out of breath, while Richie is still laying on the ground with his chest heaving.

"I hate that you fucking work out. Remember when you couldn't beat me up? Those were the days," He dramatically sighs with his face pressed into the carpet.

Eddie flips him off.

~~~

Stan lets out a breath that he didn't even realize he had been holding when he steps out of the synagogue. It hadn't gone bad, but he always feels a weight lift off his shoulders once he leaves the building. He feels guilty that this is his reaction to leaving, but it's something that has stuck with him since he started sinning.

It's dark out and the others did actually go to a party that Richie found out about. If he was being completely honest, he was relieved that he hadn't been able to go with them. He doesn't think he's ready to go to a party yet. Or ever.

The temple is in walking distance from his dorm, but he's starting to get to know his surroundings and is casually strolling, taking in the sights as he walks.

It's still summer, but since it's night, there's a little bit of chill in the air.

There's a lawn in front of the dorm building with benches and tables for students to sit at, and he takes a seat at one of the lone benches that's farther away from the others.

He hasn't had a moment to himself since the first night he got here.  He loves having friends and hanging out with them, but he's not used to all the social interaction and it's been kind of exhausting. Especially with having Richie as a roommate.

The guy is constantly moving around and Stanley doesn't think he ever stops talking unless he's asleep. Stan kind of wishes he was more outgoing and confident like Richie, but the thought of even saying some of the stuff Richie has is terrifying.

Stan sits there in thought for awhile before checking his phone and sees that he's been out there for about an hour. He's about to get up, when a familiar face is running up to him.

Mike is in sweats and a t-shirt and has obviously been running. There's a shine on his skin from sweat and he's kind of breathless, but nowhere near as bad as Stan would be if he tried to go on a run. 

When Mike is next to him, he pulls out the headphones from his ears and gives Stanley a grin.

"Stanley, right? Told you I'd see you around. Whatcha doing out here?" He asks as they walk side by side towards the entrance.

"I just got out of synagogue and I wanted to take some time to think and stuff, I guess."

Stanley digs his nails into his palm at the explanation. Will he ever not sound stupid around this guy?

Mike doesn't seem to think it's a stupid answer, as he slowly nods his head and holds the door open for Stan.

"That's reasonable. Thinking is pretty important," He teases as they walk through the hall and Stan can't help but laugh.

They make small talk as they approach Stan's room and Mike informs him that his is actually just a couple doors down. They depart and Stan enters his room to see that Richie has not made it back yet. This will be the first time he's sleeping alone in their room.

~~~

Stanley wakes up at about 3 a.m. to Richie and Eddie stumbling into their room.

Their light is suddenly switched on and Stan sits up groggily to watch the duo. Eddie is clearly the sober one as Richie is barely moving his feet and looks like he's passed out.

"Sorry, Stan, I didn't mean to wake you up, but I can't deal with a hungover Richie. It's almost as bad as sick Richie," Eddie says as he pushes Richie onto his bed. "Fucking prick went and got smashed and threw up in my car. Which you will fucking pay for, do you hear me?" He snaps at Richie who is laying face down on the bed and just moans in reply.

Stan just sits there, not knowing what to do. He's never been around someone who was drunk.

"Do I need to do anything or...?" He asks as Eddie attempts to take Richie's shoes off. 

"Nah, he'll sleep it off. He's gonna bitch a lot in the morning though. I'd leave him with painkillers and water and leave the dorm unless you wanna deal with him." 

Both of the shoes are put down on the floor and Eddie stands to leave. He pauses and takes a look around the room and Stan realizes that this is the first time anyone has been in their room besides them.

He feels self conscious at his lack of decorating, but Eddie doesn't comment on it.

"I'll see ya later, Stan."

"Bye."

~~~

Taking Eddie's advice, Stan leaves some Tylenol and a glass of water on Richie's nightstand before leaving to go to his morning service. He kind of wishes he could stay in the dorm and learn what Richie's like when he's hungover, but there's no way he's missing a service for Shabbat. 

Sighing, he takes one last glance at Richie's sleeping form before leaving.

 

 

 

 

 


	4. Chapter 4

Stan feels exhausted when service lets out. It’s only early afternoon, but he could really go for a nap right now. Except Richie is probably still asleep or hungover and the idea of going back to the dorm makes him anxious. 

He goes back to the bench he was sitting on the night before to have some time to himself and meditate on the morning’s service. He hasn’t introduced himself to anyone at the synogage yet. They’re all mostly older couples like his parents and he’s only seen one other girl his age there. They had made eye contact during prayer and she had given him a small smile which he had returned and that was that.  

There were people out today on the lawn. There were a couple of guys tossing a football back and forth and a few groups who were sitting down at the tables and eating lunch in the nice weather. 

Stan was the only one who was alone. 

He pulled out his phone and checked to see if he had any messages from his parents and wasn’t surprised when there weren’t any. They hadn’t made any attempts at reaching out or trying to find out if he’s settled in. 

He knows he’ll be the first one to call. 

He people watches for a little bit, still debating on going back to his dorm. 

“H-hey, is this seat t-taken?”

Stan looks up to see a boy about his height with brown hair and blue eyes. He’s got on some jean shorts and a bro tank top on and Stan internally grimaces at his fashion choices. 

The boy is smiling at him and waiting on a response. 

Stan looks around at all the other empty benches in confusion before turning back to the boy. 

“Um. You can sit here if you want,” Stanley frowns. 

The boy just grins and plops down next to him. 

“C-cool. I just got into t-t-town.  I was trying to go see m-my friend but he w-wasn’t in his d-dorm. And my apartment i-i-is locked and I haven’t got the k-key yet. So, n-now I’m just waiting.”

Stan realizes that the boy’s stuttering was not a sign of social anxiety from meeting someone new, but is a permanent part of his speech. 

“I-I’m Bill, by the w-way. What’s your name?” Bill asks him while gazing at him from his seat. He has such a relaxed demeanor that Stan is already feeling comfortable around the guy. 

“My name’s Stanley,” He replies and lifts his lips in what he hopes is a warm smile. It must work because Bill grins back at him. 

“So, Stanley. I-I’ve told you w-why I was out here a-alone. C-can I ask why y-you are?”

Stanley ponders the question and debated on answering truthfully. How do you word that you’re scared about being near your hungover roommate without either sounding like a jerk or a wimp?

He doesn’t even try. 

“I was just wanting to enjoy some peace and quiet before classes start Monday. My roommate’s fr-I mean my friend is a sophomore and he said the semester can get kind of hectic,” Stanley says. It’s not entirely the truth, but it’s also not a lie. 

“I-I’m a sophomore t-too and I completely agree w-with the guy. Classes suck,” Bill remarks and there’s a small pause before they both let out small chuckles. 

“So, I’m g-guessing you’re a f-freshman?” Bill asks to carry on the conversation. 

“Yea, I am. I’ve actually never been to a “class” before. I’ve always been homeschooled,” Stan surprisingly admits. 

Bill looks somewhat took back, but he doesn’t comment on it besides a small “That’s cool.” 

As they talk, Stanley learns a lot about the boy. Turns out, Bill has been in a relationship for three years and he’s majoring in creative writing. He’s a really big fan of horror novels, and apparently, he can talk about them nonstop for a whole hour. Stanley doesn’t mind; he’s just glad he’s got company. 

They talk for what seems like only a small amount of time, but when Stanley checks his phone, he realizes it’s almost time for him to go to the Saturday evening synagogue. 

Bill insists on getting his number and asking him if they can hang out again. 

This shocks Stanley because although Bill was really friendly, Stan had kind of expected him to just be using him to pass the time until he could go home. 

They leave with a parting grin and Stan feels a lot better when he enters the temple. 

~~~

When Stan returns to the dorm later that night, he’s kind of surprised to see Richie. He’s laying on his bed in only his sweats and he’s drawing something in a book on his lap. When Stan enters, he smoothly shuts the book and places it on his nightstand. 

Stan doesn’t comment on it. 

“Stanley! How was church?” Richie asks kindly. 

Stan smiles softly at him without correcting him for saying “church”, and tells him about the couple in front of him that had fallen asleep onto each other which has Richie in stitches. 

Stan can’t help but notice that Richie’s hair looks a lot softer than before which means that he must have taken a shower since Stan last saw him.

”How are you feeling?” Stan asks once Richie stops chuckling from his story.

”Pretty good. My head hurt like a bitch when I woke up, but thankfully an angel left me with some Tylenol.” He winks at him and Stan feels his cheeks heat up. 

He digs his nails into his palm. A wink is nothing. It means nothing. Don’t even go there.

Stanley gets comfortable on his bed, not quite ready to actually settle in for the night.

”What were you working on?” Stanley gestures to the book that’s still on Richie’s nightstand. Richie eyes the book before slowly shrugging his shoulders.

”Just a couple drawings. It’s date night for Bev and Ben, and Eddie’s roommate is getting back tonight so I was just passing the time,” He answers slowly.

”Can I see?” Stan asks eagerly. He’s never been very good at drawing or painting. His parents hadn’t really allowed him to because they considered it a girly activity and insisted he’d go outside to spend his free time.

Outside meaning the back yard.

Luckily, Stan had found refuge in his camera and was never bored even when he was all alone.

Richie seems to hesitate for a moment before grabbing the book and opening it on his lap. He pats the bed next to him and Stan gets up to sit next to him and peer at the pages.

He’s in complete shock.

They’re so good.

There are small sketches and comic like drawings scattered throughout the book, but the ones that really get Stan are the realistic ones of the others.  There’s a drawing of Eddie throwing his head back in laughter and one of Ben and Bev gazing at each other, obviously infatuated. 

“Wow, Richie. I don’t even know what to say...” Stan looks up to where Richie has been watching him anxiously. “These are amazing. I had no idea you were so talented.” 

Richie just smiles and Stan swears his cheeks are pinker than they were earlier. 

“Hey, I know him,” Stan states when a drawing of Mike comes into view. He’s smiling and it looks like he’s sitting in field with flowers around him. He’s even got a flower behind his ear.

Richie looks surprised that Stan recognizes the boy. 

“You know Mike?”

”Yea, we met in the bathroom...” Stan says, trailing off when Richie starts to snicker.

”Me and Mike go way back. All of us do, really. We grew up together,” He pauses and chuckles at a thought before continuing. “We even called ourselves ‘The Losers Club’ when we were younger.”

Stan can’t help but let out a shocked laugh at the admission. Who would willingly call themselves the Losers Club?

 Richie reads his expression and looks at him in mock offense. “Hey now, not all of us were as cool as Stan the Man. But I will say, we could be pretty badass. Had a lot of epic rock battles with the bullies,” He smirks and before they know it, they’re both bent over in laughter.

There is a half finished drawing which is what Stan assumes Richie was working on when he came in. It’s another one of Eddie and he’s sitting on a bench holding an ice cream. He beaming at a blank space which Stan assumes one of the others will take up when Richie is done.

”I can’t believe how amazing you are, Richie. Seriously.”

Stan lights up when a thought occurs to him.

”This is what you should major in! It’s obviously your calling! You have to take some art classes and start selling your stuff. You could be famous, Rich.”

Stan freezes at the nickname that slipped out, but Richie doesn’t take notice of it. He’s looking pretty unsure of himself as he frowns down at his book.

”I don’t know, Stanley. There are so many people out there who are so much better than me. Do you really think I could do it?” He looks up at Stan and this is the first time Stan has seen him vulnerable.

”I think you could do anything you set your mind to. You have so much talent, Richie, you can’t let it go to waste,” Stan says genuinely.

Richie stares at him for a few moments and Stan feels himself staring back.

”Thanks, Staniel. I’ll definitely think about it,” Richie says softly with a smile.

Stan clears his throat and stands up from Richie’s bed, ignoring Richie’s frown. 

“Of course, anytime,” Stan says awkwardly before grabbing his bathroom stuff and fleeing the room again.

 

 

 


	5. Chapter 5

Stan has never felt so exhausted and so excited in his whole life. 

It’s the end of his first week, and while his classes are harder than he had imagined they would be, he’s so thrilled that he’s got friends to help him out. 

Friends. 

Stan still can’t help but smile when he thinks about the others. It just seems unreal.

He can’t believe how lucky he’s gotten. 

All week, he hasn’t been alone for a single moment, and while he first thought that it would get exhausting, it didn’t take long for him to realize that he thrived around the others. 

Everyday after his last class, he’s actually been meeting up with Bill at a local coffee shop and they talk until Bill’s got to go to work. 

Richie has classes later than him, so by the time he gets to the dorm from hanging out with Bill, Richie is getting in from his last class. 

Then they go over to Eddie’s to hang out and watch Netflix. Sometimes Bev and Ben come over too and even Mike has made a couple appearances which has pleased Stan. 

Stan won’t allow them to stay very late because he still has to make good grades and he’s come to find out that Richie won’t do his homework unless someone makes him.

Since he hasn’t let them stay very long, he still hasn’t gotten to meet Eddie’s roommate because he has a job and usually doesn’t get home till late. Eddie’s mother sends money to him to help pay for the apartment and other bills, but it isn’t enough for the both of them to live off of.

It’s Thursday, and unlike the other days of the week, Richie hasn’t shown up after he got to the dorm from meeting Bill.

Stan isn’t that worried.

They don’t have to go over to Eddie’s everyday and he can’t expect Richie to constantly hang around him. However, he can’t help but feel a little irritated at the sudden change of routine.

He’s more than content to sit at his desk and work on a paper that’s due the next week, seeing as he has nothing better to do. 

After a few hours, Stanley has the whole paper already finished and he looks out to see that it’s getting dark. He goes to reach for his phone to text Richie and ask him if he’s okay when the lanky boy himself walks through the door.

”Staniel! I just got back from the most amazing thing at this fucking dump!” He says giddily before climbing into his bed and doing some small jumps. Stan frowns at his shoes on the bed paired with his actions, but he’s too curious about where Richie’s been.

Suddenly, Richie is reaching out for a small poster on his wall and is taking it off. Stan watches as the forgotten band falls slowly onto the floor and then sees Richie take something out of his back pocket. Richie puts the tacks that we’re holding up the poster in his mouth as he unfolds the cloth in his hands.

It’s a rainbow flag.

It’s a rainbow flag with the word “Genesis” printed on it.

Now Stan isn’t stupid. He knows the implication of a rainbow.

But he prays that whatever club “Genesis” is just hadn’t planned the colors very well. 

He stays frozen, staring at the flag as Richie finishes pinning it up. On closer inspection, Stan sees that Richie has a sticker on his shirt with his name on it, followed by the pronouns “he/him”. 

Richie turns back to him with a huge grin and Stan feels nauseous. 

“Stan, oh my god, this club’s the best thing I’ve ever been a part of. I can’t believe I just found out about it today.”

When met with Stan’s silence, Richie isn’t fazed.

“We’re called Genesis. Get it? It’s to symbolize that we’re the beginning of a difference in what people think about us. God, I’m so fucking happy I found my people,” He sighs happily and gazes at his flag before turning to Stan. 

“So, you’re gay?” Stan asks weakly, still not moving. 

Richie frowns slightly before speaking. 

“Well, technically, I’m bisexual. They ran out of bi flags so I just grabbed a gay one. It doesn’t really matter that much to me. Today was freshman orientation day and we got to meet everybody. They were all so nice,” Richie gushes about his experience while Stan feels angry. 

How dare Richie sit there and act like this is all okay. To brag about his sinful ways. Stan is so mad. But mostly, he’s heartbroken. 

Richie was becoming his best friend. They were getting so close. They had stayed up late several nights to tell each other stuff about themselves. Richie had shown him more drawings, and Stan had shown him his photography. 

“...Stan? Are you okay, man?” Richie hesitantly asks after a few moments of silence. 

“You’re not okay,” Stan says quietly, now staring at his lap. 

“What?” 

“This isn’t okay, Richie! This is a sin! It’s wrong and it’s disgusting and you’re going to be punished for your sinful ways!” Stan says harshly, snapping his head up to look Richie in the eye. 

Richie looks shocked but before he can say anything, Stan continues. 

“God does not bless what His word forbids,” Stan recites. It’s a phrase he’s heard almost everyday of his life. Then, to really put the nail in the coffin, he finishes.

”You’re a faggot, Richie, and it’s disgusting.”

Stan is panting by the time he’s done and he can’t take his eyes off of Richie.

Richie looks...devastated, to put it lightly.

He appears to go through several emotions in the few seconds he’s sitting there before he lands on anger. 

He stands up from his bed and Stan vaguely wonders if Richie is going to hit him.

Instead, he just stands there, staring Stanley down. 

Then he speaks.

”First of all, if you ever, and I mean ever, say that word in front of me or my friends again, you will regret it. Secondly, I never asked you to start spouting your God and the Devil bullshit to me. If I wanted to hear a sermon, I’d go to church. And lastly, you sure do condemn a lot of people while you’re the biggest douchebag I’ve ever met. Do you really think God’s going be proud of you with all that hate in your heart?” Richie finishes, his voice dangerously low. 

Stan feels like a scolded child, but he knows he did the right thing. 

He will not give into temptation and Richie must be his biggest test yet. 

Richie quickly turns around and storms towards the door. Before he exits, he leaves Stan with one last message. 

“I think it’s become pretty clear that we aren’t meant to be friends. From now one, you leave me alone and I’ll leave you alone. Guess you might want to find some new people to hang out with.” He punctuates it with a slam of the door. 

~~~

Stan hasn’t moved from where he was sitting all night. 

He cant wrap his head around what happened. 

How had things gone bad so quickly?

He can’t take his eyes off of the rainbow flag on the wall. 

He feels the sob building in his chest before it spills out.

He’s been digging his nails into his palm since Richie’s left and both hands have gone numb. 

Suddenly, he’s sobbing uncontrollably. He had just wanted friends and he can’t even have those. 

He had done the right thing, why was he feeling so upset?

He had said exactly what his parents and Rabbi Harlow had taught him to say when faced with others doomed from giving into temptation. Why did it feel so wrong coming from his own mouth?

Not only that, but the way Richie had looked.

Stan never wants to be on the receiving end of that look again. 

Well. Not like he’ll have a chance to. Richie made it pretty clear that they wouldn’t interact anymore. 

Stan sobs for the loss of his new friends. He sobs for the loss of Richie. 

The sun is almost up when Stan finally feels okay enough to get up and go take a shower.

He doesn’t even consider not going to class. He’s going to go to class like normal, do his work, and go to synagogue later. 

Thats his responsibility and it’s what he came for.

He didn’t come to make friends.  

He feels like he’s in a trance as he walks to the bathroom and is taken back when Mike is in there again. 

Instead of greeting him, Mike just gives him a sad smile and pushes past him. 

Stan feels himself crumble even more. 

Of course Mike knows. Richie had said that they were good friends and Richie probably went and told all of them to blacklist him. 

He doesn’t blame them. 

If he could, he would too. 

~~~

Stan’s day is a lot like his night. 

He goes through the motions and takes notes in his classes, goes to the bathroom at the exact same time as he always does, and eats a granola bar right before his last class. 

Except this time, he doesn’t smile when his math teacher makes his corny jokes. He doesn’t check his phone to see if Richie’s texted him any memes during class. He doesn’t meet Mike for lunch. 

He feels alone and empty, and it’s like a ray of sunshine suddenly illuminates when he catches sight of Bill at their usual spot in the cafe. 

Bill greets him with a grin and starts going on about his day just like they always do. If he notices the bags under Stan’s eyes, he doesn’t comment on it. 

“...a-and I told h-her not to tap the g-glass when it’s hot, b-but did she listen? N-no. Next thing I-I know, glass is e-everyw-where.” Bill finishes a story of a dumb girl in his lab and Stan feels himself smile for the first time in almost 24 hours. 

“I’m really glad we’re friends, Bill,” He states when Bill is done talking. 

Bill looks surprised, yet pleased. 

“Me t-too, Stan.”

~~~

When Stan gets home from synagogue, he’s not surprised at all to find the dorm empty. 

He imagines Richie intends to avoid him at all costs now. 

He goes through his night routine before falling into bed. 

It’s too quiet. 

He’s not used to being alone anymore. 

He wishes Richie was there. 


	6. Chapter 6

It’s the middle of October and the leaves on the trees have all changed colors. It’s gotten chilly enough to where it’s impossible to go outside without a jacket.

Stan is thankful for his at this very moment as he walks down the sidewalk of the busy street to his dorm. Classes are over for the day, but he isn’t able to meet Bill as usual since Bill had gotten the day off from work and was going on a date. Stan knows that Bill’s been in a relationship for a couple years, but he hasn’t had the chance to meet the girl yet.

In fact, he hasn’t gotten to hang out with Bill anywhere besides their coffee shop.

But that was about to change as he he had been invited to a small get together at Bill’s apartment Sunday night. 

Since it was a school night, Stan was a little hesitant about accepting the invite, but he’s so desperate to make more friends.

After the whole situation with Richie, he hasn’t had the courage to talk to anybody new. On days that Bill can’t meet him, he just goes to the dorm and studies. At least he’s been able to keep an A average in all his classes.

Somtimes, he’ll go on a walk through the local parks and practice his photography. Birds are still his favorite subject.

But even with his birds and his books, only having one friend doesn’t ease the loneliness he feels.

At nights, when he’s alone, he can’t sleep because all he can picture is Richie’s face from that night.

All he can hear is his voice, telling Richie those things.

He knows that he was right, but those thoughts leave him feeling upset and sick. 

Richie still avoids him like the plague.

He barely sleeps in his own bed and Stan can count on one hand, how many words Richie has spoken to him to him since.

It hurts. 

He misses Richie so much. He misses their late night talks and hearing Richie’s jokes. He misses having his presence in the room.

He misses the others too. 

He’s seen the others around. They’re always in groups of two or three, but never all together. When they spot him, they usually look away or quickly turn around. He’s even gotten a couple of eye rolls and a finger once.

The worse encounter he’s had so far was with Eddie. 

He had gone out to eat one night because he was tired of eating at the cafeteria and fast food. It had been a little humiliating to eat by himself, but that’s what he had gotten used to.

It had been a couple weeks since the incident and, if he was being honest, he had been expecting an encounter with one of the others for awhile.

He had been sat down at his single table and had just started to eat his meal when he spotted a figure storming over to him from the corner of his eye.

His heart had dropped when he saw who it was.

That didn’t stop him from jumping when a fist slammed down on his table followed by a furious, “Who the fuck do you think you are?”

Stan had never been in any kind of altercation before and he had had no idea how to respond. So he hadn’t.

He had just sat there and stared at his plate.

Next thing he knows, it’s in his lap.

Eddie had shoved his plate of food into his lap. 

He had felt those small yet strong hands grab his collar and Eddie had leaned down to get in his face. 

“I don’t know what Richie said to you, but let me make it clear. You are a disgusting excuse for a human being if that’s how you treat other people. I mean, we were trying to be your fucking friends,” He had scoffed. 

Eddie had let go of his shirt with a small shove before backing up. 

“I guess it goes without saying that I better not see you around any of my friends again,” He had said, with an emphasis on “my” before he was walking away. 

A waitress had quickly rushed over to ask if he was okay and had tried to get him another plate, but he had declined. He wasn’t hungry anymore. 

~~~

Richie is still in classes when Stan gets to the dorm so he isn’t worried about bumping into him. 

He gets his books from his bag and hangs his backpack up. He’s just about to pull out his biology homework when his phone rings. 

He feels his heart stop when he hears the ringing. Only one person ever calls him. 

His mother. 

His father doesn’t really use his phone and Stan has yet to receive a call from him. If Stan’s father has something he needs to say to Stan, his mother will pass along the message. 

Swallowing hard, he answers the call. 

“Hey, Mom.”

”Stanley. We haven’t heard from you in a couple weeks. You know the rules. We need updates on how you’re doing.”

Stan cringes at his mother’s scolding voice. 

“Well, I have an A in all my classes,” He says hopefully, even though he knows that she doesn’t want to hear about his classes. 

Right on cue, she makes a small noise before stating, “You’re supposed to be making As. We didn’t send you to college for you to fail your classes. Now, tell me. Do I need to have Rabbi Harlow call?”

Stan’s blood freezes. The last thing he wants is to speak to Rabbi Harlow. 

“No, that’s okay,” Stan struggles to keep his voice steady. He clears his throat. “I’m doing really good, Mother. I promise.”

He hopes he sounds convincing. 

There’s a small pause befor he hears his mother sigh. 

“We just want what’s best for you, Stanley. You’ll call if you’re feeling confused.” 

“Yes, Mother.”

”Good. I have to go now. Your Father wishes you well. Good-bye.”

”Bye, Mom.”

Stan lets out a long breath when he presses the end call button.

It takes a little while before his anxiety dies down to where he can concentrate on his homework.

~~~

”I-I’m so excited for y-you to meet everybody,” Bill grins at him from where he’s currently driving them to his apartment. 

Today’s the day he meets Bill’s friends.

Stan feels nervous, but he smiles at Bill so he doesn’t give his anxiety away.

“I’m excited too. I don’t have very many friends, if I’m being honest,” He admits shyly. 

Try no friends at all, he thinks to himself.

Bill looks at him sympathetiy before he light up.

”T-this is it.”

Stan looks up to see the exact same apartment complex Eddie lives in.

Surely, it’s just a coincidence.

It must just be because it’s near the campus. A lot of older students must live here.

But he loses more hope when Bill leads him to the same staircase.

And then they’re at Eddie’s door.

Or apparently Bill and Eddie’s door.

”Sorry. I f-forgot that I g-gave Richie my k-key,” Bill explains as he knocks on the door.

It all makes sense now. Stan can’t believe he didn’t realize it earlier. 

Of course Bill is Eddie’s roommate.

Stan can’t move. He can’t talk. He can’t do anything but watch as the door swings open to a grinning Richie. That is, until he catches sight of Stan. 

There’s silence as the two stare at each other, neither knowing how to react.

“Hey, Babe, what took you so- What the fuck is he doing here?” Eddie’s voice rings out from where he’s stepped out from behind the door. 

“Eddie!” Bill looks shocked at the harshness in his boyfriend’s voice.

Stan wants to be surprised that Eddie called Bill a pet name. But now that he thinks about it, Bill never said his partner was a girl.

 

”Bill,” Richie says in a strained voice. “This is my roommate.”

Bill frowns at Richie before turning to Stan.

“S-Stanley?”

Stan feels like he can’t breathe. This isn’t happening. This can’t be happening.

”Stan, t-tell me this isn’t t-true.”

“Does this mean you're gay too?” Stanley asks numbly.

Bill looks like he’s been slapped. Then his expression hardens. 

“You need to leave. You’re not welcome here and if you ever show your face here again, I’ll call the cops,” Eddie states coldly as he pulls Bill towards him. 

“Stanley, please,” Bill says quietly, begging for Stan to not be who Richie has told him he was. 

“I think Eddie’s right. I should leave,” Stan says slowly, not looking any of them in the eye.

He turns around and starts to walk down the stairs and he hears the door slam behind him. 

He doesn’t call for an Uber, nor does he walk towards a bus station. 

He is officially alone.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don’t give up on Stanley yet, folks. It’s all uphill from here.


	7. Chapter 7

Stan didn’t pay attention as he fumbled his way through the city. His mind was blank and his body was numb. The air had become even chillier since the sun had gone down, and if Stan was paying attention, he would notice how bad he was shivering. 

In the back of his mind, he knew he should have been worried about walking the streets at night, especially the ones he didn’t know. But for now, all he could focus on was the evening’s progressions. 

Bill was gay. Bill was in a relationship with Eddie. Eddie was gay. Richie was bisexual. 

And they all hated him. 

Even though he had tried to help them, they had thrown him out. 

But he had been awful to them. 

“Tough love” was an expression that Stanley had come to Know personally. 

He remembers back to the night that he had told his parents of his temptations for the very first time. 

He remembers it very well. 

He remebers the shake in his fingers and the sweat on his palms. 

He remembers what they had eaten for dinner that night: Sumac chicken and rice. It had been his favorite up until that night. 

He remebers looking his parents straight in the eyes, and said those five words that had ended up changing his life. 

“I think I like boys.”

His mother had turned pale and he could hear her take a sudden inhale. His father had sat stone still and, after a few minutes, had simply raised from his seat and walked into another room. Stanley could hear him talking on the phone.

His mother had tried to talk him out of it, and at one point, even begged him to say that he had been joking or that he didn’t know what he had been talking about. 

Sometimes, he wished he had. 

The next day was when he had met Rabbi Harlow for the first time. 

Stan felt nauseous at the memory and when he came across a bus bench, he forced himself to sit down and figure out where he was. 

When he saw that he was even farther from his dorm than when he started, and that the bus station had stopped giving rides 10 minutes ago, he finally broke down. 

He sat there and sobbed with his face in his hands and he couldn’t tell you how long he had sat there before he felt like he could breathe again. 

He felt like screaming. 

He wanted to scream at Richie and Eddie and Bill. 

He wanted to scream at his parents and Rabbi Harlow. 

He wanted...

He wanted to scream at God. 

And so he did. 

”I’ve done what’s been asked! I’ve said my prayers! I’ve gone to Temple! I’ve fasted! I’ve done _everything_  You’ve asked me to, and this is what I get? Why couldn’t You let me have this one thing...just this one.” His voiced had started out harsh and loud as he stood and screamed at the night sky, but he ended up trailing into a whisper. 

“Please. I can’t be alone anymore, I _can’t. Please.”_ He felt more tears slip down his face as he crumpled back onto the bench.

”Stanley?”

Stan jumped when he heard the voice of someone sitting on the other side of the bench. 

It was the girl from synagogue.

She sat in a white flowing gown with her hair curling down her back. Stan didn’t comment on her lack of shoes.

“What-what are you doing here?” He asked shakily, still coming back from his breakdown and feeling embarrassed from being watched.

She gave him a small smile before turning her eyes to the night sky. Stan looked around and was surprised to see that their street was empty. There were no cars driving down the road or people bustling around. It was almost a whole new world. He turned his gaze to the stars.

”It’s amazing, isn’t it? This world that God created? It’s so beautiful and majestic. And flawed.”

”Flawed?” He asked, turning to her.

”Of course. The world is flawed in so many ways, but that doesn’t make it any less beautiful. In fact, I’d say its flaws make it even more so. It’s what makes it so special.” She pondered, tilting her head to one side. 

”But why would God create something with flaws? It could have been perfect.” He says returning his eyes to the sky.

He notices the total randomness in the placement of the stars and he counts it as a flaw. But when he ponders about it, he prefers it this way. If the stars had all been placed strategically, they would lose their mystery and magic.

”God is the only perfect being in existence. God knows everything that’s been created is flawed. It was the plan all along. But, you know something Stanley? God didn’t make things flawed so that they could be hated. In fact, God is incapable of hating anything. God created everything to be loved.”

Stanley pondered her words for a little bit. This is a message he has never been told.

”But...what if you know you’re doing something bad, and you try as hard as you can to stop it, but it happens anyway?”

This time, it’s her turn to face him. He swore she was glowing, but it also could have been the street lights reflecting off her skin.

”Stanley, I need you to listen to me very carefully. God loves you. No matter what you’ve done, or what you will do. No matter what anyone’s ever told you or made you believe, there is nothing you could do that would push God away or take away God’s love.”

Stanley felt tears well up in his eyes. It was like this was the sign he had been looking for for years.

”All my life, no one has ever told me that, and yet, I believe you over everyone else.” He chuckled tearfully.

She smiled softly. 

“One of the biggest problems with religion is that people try to make God be like them, instead of the other way around. They want God to hate who they hate and to love who they love. God’s love is so much more powerful than any of that. People can become corrupt, Stanley, and they don’t even realize it. Even those who claim to be a part of the body of Christ can be led astray.” 

Stanley nodded his head without meeting her eyes. 

“I think I did a bad thing.” He whispered to the girl. “I-I was quick to judge someone who I was getting close to. Two people, in fact. I thought I would be helping them by saying the things I said, but I’ve felt nothing but regret since I did it.” He explained vaugely. For some reason, he assumed she would know what he was talking about. 

And it seemed like she did.

“I think, that as a child of God, our responsibility is to love the people that God loves. Which means everyone. God did not put anyone here to judge others, nor to be filled with hate. This world can be trying sometimes. People have always hated others for things that are uncontrollable such as the color of skin, the amount of money one has, and who one chooses to love. This was not God’s intention.”

Stanley felt like a new person. After years of lessons and teachings done by Rabbi Harlow and his parents, he has never felt like he understood his purpose in life than he did in that moment. He felt clean after years of being dirty.

“I think it’s my time to go.” The girl said as she stood up from the bench. 

“Wait! I never even got your name. And where are you going now?” He asked confusedly. 

She paused, as if to consider her own name before simply stating, “You can call me Annie. And I think it’s time I went home.” 

There was a clatter behind him, like something had been thrown, so he quickly turned to find the source of the noise. Not seeing anyone, he blamed it on the wind or a stray cat, and he turned back to Annie. Except she was gone.

It was then that Stan realized he had never given her his name either.

~~~

It was a week before Stan saw one of the others again. He had anxiously waited everyday to catch Richie in their room and had even gone to the coffee shop in hopes of meeting Bill.

He had had no luck with either. 

He hadn't meant to run into Mike at the cafeteria, but he was so grateful that he had. 

They had bumped into each other during the breakfast line and Mike had almost taken off at the sight of Stan, but Stan stopped him by grabbing on to his sleeve.

”Can we talk?” Stan asked nervously.

Mike had hesitated and frowned, making Stan almost sure that he was about to be turned down. 

“Okay, I guess.” He finally muttered.

Stan lead the way to a two people table, the exact one he and Richie had sat at his first day. 

Mike settled down into his seat and Stan followed suit. There was an awkward silence before they both tried to speak.

”Look, Stanley-“

”I wanted to apologize.”

Mike froze from saying whatever it was he was about to say and stared at Stanley in disbelief.

He swallowed and slowly nodded his head.

”Go on.” He encouraged, picking up his breakfast burrito to take a bite. 

“I know that Richie, and probably Eddie and Bill, have told you about the things I’ve said.” He started, “And I need you guys to know I’m sorry. About all of it.” He said earnestly, watching Mike.

Mike pursed his lips and said, “But why the sudden change of heart?”

Stanly found himself at a lost for words as he remembered that night a week ago. 

“I’ve had a talk with someone who knows more than me. They made me realize that I was wrong and I need to fix this, Mike, please. I can’t stand knowing that I’ve hurt anyone. Especially you guys.” He started to feel himself choke up at a sudden onslaught of emotions. He started to dig his nails into his palm again.

“You don’t deserve their forgiveness.” That rotten voice in his head said. “They don’t want to be your friends; they never did.”

Mike’s eyes had widened when it appeared like Stan was about to cry.

He got up from his seat and pulled the other boy into a hug.

”Hey. It’s okay. There’s no need to cry.” He gently shushed the boy who was still on the verge of tears.

“I’m sorry. I’m such a baby.” Stan said self deprecating as Mike rubbed his back and he couldn’t help but lean into it.

”I don’t think you’re a baby at all. In fact, I think you’re brave for coming forward to apologize. Not very many people would.” Mike said softly, as he slowly stepped back from the sniffling boy. 

Mike hesitantly went back to his own seat, and only when he saw that Stan wasn’t going to start crying again, he picked his breakfast back up.

”So, I’m guessing, you stopped me because you needed to get in contact with the others.” He said with a knowing smile. “Especially a certain curly haired boy I bet.” 

Stan felt his cheeks redden even more after his fit at the insinuation Mike was leaving. 

“They’ve all been avoiding me.” He chooses to state on.

Mike just nodded. Apparently it had been a group decision to stay clear of Stanley Uris.

”Well, if it helps, I do know that Richie plans to sneak into the dorm to get some stuff tonight since you usually go out on a walk in the evenings.” Mike informed him as he finished his burrito. 

Stan felt his heart drop and speed up at the thought of facing Richie alone.  

“Thanks, Mike.” He said before smiling at the other boy and receiving one in return.

 

* * *

 


	8. Chapter 8

Stan couldn’t stop wringing his hands as he sat on the edge of his bed. He had gotten out of classes and had practically sprinted to the dorm so he wouldn’t miss Richie. 

Of course, Richie’s schedule hadn’t changed, so after a couple hours of waiting, Stan was a nervous wreck. 

He knew this was the right thing to do. He could feel it in his heart. In fact, he hadn’t felt more confident about anything else since school had started.

He did a quick glance around the room, making sure his side was spotless. He had already cleaned and then recleaned everything when he had gotten there earlier. He didn’t dare touch anything on Richie’s side, though.

He ran a hand through his hair and subconsciously tugged harshly on it as he waited. 

He had no idea how Richie would react when he saw Stan, and he hoped it wasn’t anything close to how Eddie would. 

Oh god, he was not anywhere near ready to face Eddie yet. 

He reached over to check his phone and let out a sharp inhale when he saw that Richie could be walking through the door any minute now. 

His nails were dug deep in his palms when he finally heard the door knob turn. 

He swore he stopped breathing when he caught sight of Richie. 

He was in a crimson oversized hoodie and black skinny jeans that fit him all too well. His curls were unkept because he had been in the wind and his glasses were crooked.

Stan felt his mouth go dry as he stared at the boy. 

“I didn’t expect you to be here.” Richie stated as his hand went to rub at the back of his neck, snapping Stan out of his stupor. 

“Mike told me you’d be stopping by.” He said lowly, not wanting the boy to run away.

Richie frowned at the statement but otherwise didn’t comment on it. 

“Yea, well. I needed to get some clean clothes. I’m staying with Bill and Eddie.” He said slowly, watching for Stan’s reaction at the mention of the couple.

Stan nodded his head. He had kind of figured this out on his own. 

He watched silently as Richie pulled a backpack off his desk and walked towards his closet. 

“Richie?”

Richie froze right as he was about to open his closet door and looked at Stan.

”Yes?”

”Can-“ He paused to clear his throat so it wouldn’t come out as shakily. “Can we talk?”

Richie stared coldly at him for a few seconds before asking, “What’s there to talk about? Are you gonna try and persuade me to  repent for my sinful ways? Or maybe you didn’t quite get done telling me how disgusting I am.”

Stan winced at the boy’s harsh tone, but he knew he deserved it. He had been a jerk. 

A major jerk.

“I-I’m sorry, Richie. I really am. I know I was awful to you and the things I said...” He trailed off, looking at his fingers. “You didn’t deserve any of that. What I said was awful and none of my business and...” He wasn’t going to cry. He had already cried in front of Mike and he wasn’t going to cry in front of Richie, damnit. 

Richie had made his way towards his bed and sat down on it as he watched Stan. 

“Did Mike tell you to do this? Look, Stanley, I’m glad you finally understand why what you said was wrong, but just because Mike made you feel like you needed to do this, doesn’t change-“

”Mike isn’t making me do anything. We ran into each other and I asked him where I could find you.” Stan explained, still not meeting Richie’s eyes.

There was silence in the room for a few moments and Stan squeezed his eyes shut, forcing a tear to fall down his cheek. 

“You’re so stupid,” that voice said. “Did you really think they’d want to be your friends again after what you did? You should feel lucky they’ll even look at you, you absolute worthless-“

”Do you really mean it, Stan?” Richie suddenly asked, a tone of urgency in his voice. Stan didn’t open his eyes, he just nodded his head. 

“Yes.” He whispered. “I’m so sorry, Richie.” He finished. 

This was it. This was the moment he’d find out if Richie would be his friend again. 

The anxiety was crushing as waited for Richie to do something like yell, or leave. Stan wouldn’t even be surprised if Richie chose to get violent this time after all.

This, of course, is why he was absolutely shocked when he felt arms go around his torso as he was pulled into a tight hug. He was stiff as a board since he was taken a back, but before he could process what was going on, his own arms were curling around the taller boy as well. 

“You have no idea how happy this makes me Stan. I’ve been waiting for this ever since that night.” He whispered as they continued to hug. 

If this had happened a month ago, Stanley would be on the edge of a panic attack and would have thought some awful things about himself, but now.

Now he just found comfort in Richie’s embrace.

This was his second hug in months and he couldn’t deny that it felt so nice to be close to somebody like this.

But even when he thought he was at peace, his mind wouldn’t follow suit.

”You shouldn’t forgive me Richie. What I said was just plain awful and you deserve so much better than that.” He sniffled from where his head was resting on Richie’s shoulder.

He complied with Richie’s movements as he was gently pushed back so that they could look at each other. 

“Honestly, Stan, I don’t care about what you said. I’ve been openly bi for years and I’ve heard a fair share of homophobic slurs in my life. So has Eddie and Bill. The reason we were all so upset and hurt, was because it came from you.” He explained, not looking away from Stan’s eyes. 

Stan felt his face heat up in shame as he tried to break away from Richie’s grasp, but Richie hung on.

”Hey. Hey, look at me.” Richie encouraged softly, using one hand to make Stan meet his eyes again.

”We care about you Stanley, we all do. And I knew, deep down, that you were a good guy. It’s probably why I was so shocked when you reacted the way you did. Plus, if I’m being completely honest, I kind of thought you were, you know.” He said, trying to hint around the subject just in case it was still a sore spot for the boy.  

He slowly led them to Stan’s bed and they sat down next to each other, still facing the other.

”I don’t-I don’t really know what I am. My parents, they don’t...” He hesitated, not knowing how to put into words how much his parents hated the idea of him being gay.

Richie seemed to get the idea and his face immediately fell on Stan’s behalf. When he thought about it, he realized that it made a lot of sense about Stan’s behavior.

And it made him so angry and sad, all at the same time. But that was a talk for another time.

“You don’t have to decide right now, Stan. You don’t ever have to decide if you don’t want to, okay? There’s nothing wrong with just living in the moment and,” he paused as if to find the right words. “And just doing what makes you happy, you know?” 

Stan nodded his head and dug his nails back in. He didn’t really want to have this conversation right now. 

He was just so happy that Richie had forgiven him.

”I’ve missed you.” He said, shooting Richie a small smile. He didn’t miss the way Richie’s eyes lit up and how he was suddenly caught in another bone crushing hug.

”Oh, Staniel, you have no idea how much I’ve missed you.”

~~~

For the rest of the evening, the two caught up on everything that had happened since their falling out.

Meaning Richie told Stan all the interesting stories of the others while Stan smiled and laughed. 

Making up with Richie had left him feeling so pure and happy, but all the talk of the others was leaving him feeling anxious. There was no guarantee that they would accept his apology as easily as Mike and Richie did. 

Especially when he remembers the look on Bill’s face and the anger in Eddie’s.

”Rich?”

”Yea?”

It was nearing nighttime and they hard started to settled down. They had moved to their respective sides of the room, but that had not ceased any of the conversation. 

“How do you think the others will feel?” He asked, burrowing half of his face in his pillow from where he was laying down to stare at Richie. Richie was on his own bed, drawing in his sketchbook.

”I think they’re going to be ecstatic to be your friends again.” He replied, glancing up from his book.

”Even Bill? ...and Eddie?” He asked skeptically.

Richie licked his lips before putting his book on his nightstand.

”I know Eddie can be pretty intimidating when he’s mad. But trust me, they’re both been wishing to be friends again, even if they won’t admit it.” He stated confidently.

”When do you think I can see them?”

Raising an eyebrow, Richie reached over for his phone and stayed silent as he typed away at it. It was a few minutes before he spoke up again.

”How about tomorrow after class? Well, to meet Bill. You might want to get both of us on your side before you face Eddie.” He said apologetically.

Stan’s eyes widened at the suddenness of it. 

Tomorrow?

But then again, he so desperately wants to make up with all of them. 

“Okay.” 

Richie grinned at him before confirming the plans on his phone. 

He then stoop up and made his way to his closet again where his backpack was still there from earlier.

Stan felt a sudden wave of panic.

”You are staying here tonight, right, Rich?” He asked as he sat up and stared at Richie’s backpack.

Richie looked at him in shock before smiling. 

“This is my room, isn’t it?”

 


	9. Chapter 9

Richie makes his way through campus to meet Stan at his last class of the day. He would usually be heading to biology at this time, but he doesn’t mind missing his last couple of classes to be there for Stan. 

God, that boy confuses the hell out of him.

When they had first started hanging out, Richie had noticed when Stan would stare at him. He remembers feeling smug when he could make the boy blush by winking at him and slyly flirting.

Stan was gorgeous, that was no doubt, and Richie had liked him since the moment he had laid eyes on him. Then they had started to hang out and had got closer and Richie was smitten. 

But then, Stan had done his big spiel about his hate for gay people and Richie had gotten mad. 

Oh, he had been so livid. He had immediately gone to Mike’s to rant and curse about what Stan had said, watching as Mike grew more and more unnerved from his place on the bed. Mike had been confused mostly; Stan had seemed so nice to him that he almost couldn’t believe Richie’s words.

He couldn’t stay at Mike’s since he had a roommate of his own, and there was no way he was staying in his room, so he had gotten a ride to Bill’s and Eddie’s. 

By the time he had gotten there, all his anger had ran out. He remembers feeling a crushing disappointment. Not just in what was said, but by who had said it. 

He had really thought Stan was shaping up to be his best friend, and maybe even more, but all that had been gone in an instant. 

He arrived at Bill's and Eddie’s almost in tears. 

It wasn’t Stan’s words that were sticking with him, it was the way Stan had looked at him after. It was the crushing disappointment he had felt that night.

He remembers walking into the apartment and immediately being sat on the couch with a cup of water as he filled in the gaps that Mike had missed when he phoned them ahead of his coming. 

Eddie was pissed and Bill had been upset on Richie’s behalf since he had never met his roommate before. 

He had stayed that night and every other night that week, only going to the dorm to get stuff when he knew Stan wouldn’t be there. Then he would switch back and forth between their place and Ben and Bev’s place. Sometimes he even slept on Mike’s floor. 

Fuck, was he glad to finally have his bed back. 

Last night had been a roller coaster of emotions. 

He had not been prepared to face Stan at all, so when he caught sight of the boy sitting on his own bed, he had almost panicked and ran. 

Now, he was relieved that he hadn’t. 

When Stan apologized, Richie was convinced it had been a trick or that Mike had guilted him into doing it. But as the boy continued to explain, Richie felt pure desperation to believe the boy and forgive him.

He had missed Stan so much. 

Afterwards, he had felt such relief to be holding the boy. Even if it was a comforting thing as friends. 

He still wonders what caused the boy to act like he does.

He’d been even more anxious than Eddie and sometimes Richie would worry that the boy would faint from stress.  He had strict schedules and it was obvious the boy had a small case of OCD.

He had noticed the boy’s need to harshly pull at his hair and the crescent indents that seemed like they were permanently on the boy’s hand.

He would bet money it had something to do with his parents, especially after the small comment made by Stan about them. 

Stan had never mentioned them much, other than the fact that they made him do homeschooling and that they had high expectations of him. It seemed like a sore spot for the boy and Richie had never pushed it.

He wanted to make sure that Stan knows that he can trust him completely because Stan always seems like he’s about to break if he just says the wrong thing.

When Richie reaches the building that Stan is in, the boy is already waiting outside looking around anxiously until he catches sight of Richie.

Richie’s heart stutters when he is welcomed with a small smile.

“What’s up, buttercup?” He grins as he gets closer to the other boy. 

Just as he expected it would, Stan’s cheeks heat up as the boy’s smile grew.

”Ya ready to hit the road?” He asks when they started to walk down the steps.

He could tell that Stan was nervous about meeting Bill, so he reaches out and sling an arm around Stan’s shoulders. Stan nods.

“Yea, let’s go,” Stan said and together they head towards the coffee shop.

They make small talk, but Richie can tell that Stan is getting increasingly nervous the nearer they get.

”Are you sure he won’t hate me, Richie?” Stan asks quietly, staring at the cafe across the street.

Richie stopped him before he could take another step.

He saw the way Stan was digging his nails in and he acted casually as he took Stan’s hands in his own to stop him.  

“Trust me, Staniel,” He says looking Stan in the eye. “Bill's incapable of hating anyone. Especially you.”

”What do you mean?”

“Bill talked so highly of you when he was trying to get us to meet, ya know? Eddie was almost a little jealous,” He chuckled, watching the way Stan seemed to carry himself a little more confidently as they continued to walk.

When they enter the shop, Richie scans the room and meets Bill’s eyes when the boy lifts up a hand to wave from where he’s sitting at a booth.

He catches the way Bill frowns when he sees Stan follow him through the door and towards the table.

He doesn’t say anything and he looks tense as Richie climbs in on the opposite side of the booth and Stan follows, not meeting anyone’s eyes. 

There’s an awkward silence before Stan quietly asks their orders and volunteers to go order and pay. The other two watch him walk away.

”W-what’s going on?” Bill whispers, watching for Stan to come back.

”Just listen to him, okay? I promise you won’t regret it.” Richie whispers back before Stan is coming back with their drinks. 

He sets them down, but doesn't sit down himself and stands awkwardly before asking, “Bill, can we step outside for a minute?”

Bill’s eyes flicker to Richie before he slowly nods and follows Stan towards the exit.

Richie had agreed to let Stan have some privacy when he apologized to Bill. He was only there for emotional support.

Although he can’t help but turn around and watch the boys through the window.

He takes in Bill’s stiff posture, and the uncomfortable look on his face. He also notices the way Stan’s arms are wrapped around himself, fingernails dug in deep. 

He wants to be able to communicate telepathically to Bill to make him stop Stan from doing it.

After a few a couple minutes of watching Stan speak, Bill’s whole demeanor has changed and he looks sympathetically at Stan. 

He watches Bill suddenly wrap his arms around Stan and he smiles at the boys.

Now that he doesn’t have to pay attention to Bill’s reaction, he’s able to focus on Stan.

He notices the way the sun makes Stan’s hair seem like it’s glowing. He’s notices the way Stan’s trousers fit him well and when he turns around, Richie can’t help but grin at Stan’s illuminating smile.

“God, he’s so fucking beautiful,” Richie can’t help but think as he watches Stan pull back from the hug. 

They turn to head back into the coffee shop and Richie quickly turns back in his seat and pulls out his phone so that he wouldn’t be caught watching.

He feels Stan slide back into the seat next to him and he glances up to see both boys smirking at him. 

He laughs and puts his phone back in his pocket. 

They make small talk for a little bit, but it still takes Stan a little while to calm down and relax. 

“See? I told you it’d all be okay,” He says to Stan who just nods down at his coffee.

”I haven’t talked to Eddie yet, though,” He frowns and Bill looks up.

”E-eddie should b-be home later, if you want t-to come by,” He says, casually sipping at his own drink, not realizing that the boy intimidates Stan.

Stan widens his eyes and looks at Richie. Richie reaches over to place a hand on Stan’s to comfort him. 

“We don’t have to tonight if you’re not ready to. You’ve done so well,” He speaks softly, not wanting Stan to get overwhelmed.

”No, I need to. I haven’t been sleeping well and I know this is why. I don’t want anyone still hating me,” he says confidently. 

“No one hates you,” both Richie and Bill say in unison.

Stan just shakes his head. “Still. No time like the present, right? What about living in the moment?” At this, he glances at Richie and Richie can’t help but let out a laugh.

”Okay. We can go get dinner and then we’ll go see Eddie.”

 

 

 


	10. Chapter 10

Stan stared out the window of Bill’s car as they drove to his place. He was trying to not act as nervous as he felt. 

He knew this should be getting easier as all the others forgive him, but Eddie was different. 

Eddie was the only one who had actually gotten physical with him and he seemed to have taken Stan’s words a lot harder than the others did. 

Stan knew Eddie had every reason to mad. 

In the few weeks that they had been friends, it hadn’t taken much time for Stan to realize that Eddie was an intense person.

He was always a little anxious, which Stan could relate to, but there was a fire in Eddie that Stan didn’t have. 

Where Stan was quiet and cautious, Eddie was shrill and paranoid.

Where Eddie was clingy and affectionate, Stan was distant.

Stan was just learning what it was to be friend, and even though he had acted cruelly, he had never once hated any of them.

Eddie loved and hated with everything of him. He was the true definition of all or nothing. 

This was one of the reasons Stan was positive that Eddie would forever hate him. 

And that thought terrified him. 

Even though he had been scared that the others wouldn’t forgive him, a part of him knew that they would. They were forgiving and understanding people. It was why he was able to face them easier. 

Stan knew that Eddie, on the other hand, would be a lot less sympathetic and would definitely hold him accountable for his actions. 

Not only that, but Eddie was a protector. He loved his friends with everything in him and he would die before he would let anything hurt them. 

When Stan had verbally attacked Richie, he had basically attacked Eddie too. 

Richie looked back from where he was sitting in the passenger seat and gave Stan an encouraging smile. 

“How ya holding up, Staniel?” He asked jokingly, but it was obvious from the look on his face that he was genuinely worried about Stan’s emotional being at the moment.

Stan just kind of grimaced and didn’t say a word. As they got closer the apartment complex, he got more and more nauseated. 

When the car came to a stop, both Richie and Bill got out and made their way to where Stan was still buckled in the back seat. 

“Just remember what we talked about. We’ll talk to him first and make sure he’s calm. Then you can talk with him privately,” Bill stated.

He didn’t stutter once.

The obvious distress on Stan’s face and the whole tension of the situation had pulled some kind of forgotten muscle memory in Bill, making him feel the need to step up and take control of the problem and fix it. 

Stan and Richie meet each other’s eyes and Stan can’t help but be shocked. Richie doesn’t seem as surprised, but more impressed. 

Taking a deep breath, Stan followed the two boys to the door of the apartment. This time, Bill has his keys and is able to let them all in without calling Eddie to the door. 

When they get in, the apartment is lit up and the tv is on. There is a smell of something cooking coming from the kitchen and if Stan didn’t feel so sick, he would probably be getting really hungry from it. 

“Eddie!” Bill called as he sat his keys in a bowl on a nearby table. 

Eddie walked into living room with a smile and a spatula in his hand but it dropped when he saw Stan in there. 

“I thought I told you-“ 

“Eddie, why don’t we have a talk?” Richie cuts him off as he slings an arm around the smaller man’s shoulders and forcefully make him head towards the bedroom while Bill goes into the kitchen to turn off the stove.

Eddie frowns but doesn’t fight it, although he does send a dirty look Stan’s way.

Stan feels his heart beating a mile a minute and when he catches Bill’s eyes as he’s walking back into the living room, he quickly turns to run out the door.

”Stan!” Bill follows him and catches up with him by the time he reached the bottom step.

Instead of pushing him off, Stan buries himself into Bill when arms wrap around him.

”I knew this was a bad idea. I shouldn’t have come here, he-he’s gonna-“ He starts to cry into Bill’s shoulder.

Bill lets out a small sigh and rubs Stan’s back.

”I know it seems really bad right now, but I know Eddie, okay? He’s going to understand and everything’s going to be okay,” Bill said quietly, attempting to calm Stan down.

But it just makes Stan more upset. 

“That’s the thing! He shouldn’t have to understand anything! I should have never said any of that and we wouldn’t be in this whole mess!” He sobbed and furiously rubbed at his eyes.

 He felt awful and couldn’t help think of how stupid he was, how ungrateful, how mean...

He’s ripped out of his thoughts when Bill takes a stong hold of his hands from where he was harshly scratching at forearms. He sniffles in shock because he hadn’t even realized he had been doing that.

He feels more tears well up in his eyes at the though and he’s once again brought back into a hug.

”Shhh. It’s okay. You don’t have to do that, okay? Please don’t do that.” Bill says, a little rushed, feeling panicked at the sight of Stan hurting himself.

”Everthing’s going to be okay.”

~~~

“Why is he here?!” Eddie asks angrily once the door shuts behind them.

”Calm down, you look like you’re about to blow up or something. I don’t think Bill would want to gather little Eddie pieces off of the carpet...” Richie tries to joke from where’s he’s sitting on the bed, but he becomes serious when Eddie gives him a look and continues pacing.

He sighs and looks at his hands before muttering, “He wants to apologize.”

Eddie’s head whips up at that and Richie almost jumps. 

He suddenly doesn’t blame Stan for being scared of an angry Eddie.

“Oh, fuck that! He doesn’t get to say all that shit and say sorry! Don’t tell me you actually fell for that,” he frowns at Richie in disbelief.

Richie purses his lips and waits.

”Oh my god! You did! What the hell, Richie?! Out of all people, you should be the last to make friends with him,” Eddie suddenly plops down next to him on the bed. “Look, I know you like him, but-“

”It isn’t about that, Eddie. I just-I can tell that he means it. I know that he’s not really like that.”

Eddie lets out a deep sigh and tiredly rubs his face.

”Why should I? Even if you believe him, doesn’t mean that I do. He’s a fucking homophobe and he’s only asking for forgiveness cause he realized he has no fucking friends.”

”I thinks he’s gay.”

Eddie freezes in his spot and looks at Richie with wide eyes. Richie watches him process the information.

“You know, that does make more sense than anything else you’ve said,” he says slowly as he stared at the floor. 

“Yea?”

”Well, it would explain why he was always staring at you,” He rolls his eyes when Richie looks smug, “If that’s true, that means he probably has a case of internalized homophobia.”

Richie nods his head, agreeing. 

“You can’t say anything about this, but I think it has something to do with his parents too.” Richie starts to pick at his nails as he finally shares the thoughts that he’s had for awhile. 

“Why do you say that?” Eddie asks cautiously, knowing this subject all too well.

“He’s weird when they’re brought up. He gets all fidgety and won’t look anyone in the eyes. He won’t stay in the room if they call. He actually flinches when his phones rings. Plus, it would make sense why he would act that way, right?”

”It would, but you can’t make assumptions like that Rich. It may have nothing to do with them,” Eddie explains, frowning at the door in thought. 

“Will you talk to him? He’s been freaking out all day about seeing you.” 

“What? Why?” Eddie scrunches his face up in question. 

“Uh, cause you’re fucking scary for such a little squirt,” Richie jokes and the air is lifted as Eddie pushes him off the bed. 

“Where is he?”

~~~

Stan and Bill have moved from where they were standing to sit on the last step of the staircase. 

Stan can’t help but think of all the dirt on the step, but he’s too lost in his thoughts to do anything about it. 

They’ve sat there in calm silence for about 10 minutes before they hear the apartment door open. 

Stan tenses up at the sight of Eddie, but when Richie follows and winks at him, his heart flutters. 

Bill gets up and slowly approaches the shorter boy and gives him a look. 

Eddie scoffs and says, ”Don’t worry, I’ll be nice.” 

Bill smiles and leans in to kiss him on the cheek while muttering, ”That’s my boy.”

Eddie blushes and Stan watches the interaction with a unknown longing. He turns back around when Eddie heads towards him and Bill and Richie head back into the apartment. 

Eddie sits next to him and the first few moments are filled with awkward silence. 

“I’m sorr-“

”I know.”

Stan looks down when Eddie cuts him off. 

“Look Stan, when Richie told me that you wanted to apologize, a part of me still wanted to push you down these stairs,” he says casually while Stan flushed red. 

“But, I was also really happy. Not just for me, but also for Bill and Richie. They both like you so much,” he continues as Stan gets even redder. 

“Which is why I’m going to accept your apology. I’m still not your biggest fan, but you don’t have to worry about getting kicked out eveytime you come over,” he attempts to joke and Stan lets out a relieved laugh. 

They sit there for a couple more minutes before Eddie breaks the silence again. 

“You know, it must be hard to be the new kid. I remember when I was,” Eddie says looking up at the stars that have recently come out. 

Stan looks at Eddie, silently asking him to continue. 

“I didn’t meet the others until about fourth grade. My mom had homeschooled me up until that point,” this time, Eddie glances at Stan out of the corner of his eye. 

“Really? Why?” Stan can’t help but be totally enraptured in Eddie’s narrative. 

“She had this thing where she totally convinced that I was sick and that I’d fall ill and die if I got around other kids. She told me all these lies about myself and had me thinking that there was something wrong with me.” 

“But there wasn’t?” Stan asked, clinging on to every word. 

“Nope, I was perfectly fine. There was absolutely nothing wrong me. It was my mom that there was something wrong with.”

”How did you figure that out?”

Eddie smiles softly. 

“It was the others. They showed me that I could run just as fast and that I could play just as hard without getting sick. However, it did take me awhile to finally face up to her.”

Stan’s eyes widened. “But she’s your mom.”

”Just because she’s my mom doesn’t mean that she’s automatically right when it comes to my life. I mean, if I hadn’t said no, she’d have me living in a hospital.”

“What did she say?” Stan asked quietly, hunching over to make himself smaller.

Eddie had been watching him for most of the story and Stan couldn’t help but feel like Eddie was telling him this story intentionally.

”Well, she had been mad at first. She kept trying to tell me that I don’t know what I was taking about and that there was something wrong with me. But it got better over time and she’s come to learn that I’m not who she thought I was.”

“What if she had hated you?” Stan whispers that last part, almost not wanting to know the answer.

Eddie stays quiet for a couple minutes before he answers, “There’s not much I could do if that had happened. I wouldn’t give up my life or my freedom for her to love me. Plus, she is my mom, you know? Parents aren’t supposed to hate their kids, and if they do, they don’t deserve to be parents.”

This cause Stan to look away. He doesn’t say anything and he feels like crying.

”Stan? Are you okay?” Eddie asks tentatively, trying to look at Stan’s face.

Stan glances up at the stars and when one sparkles a little more brightly than the others, he feels calm wash over him.

”Yea, I think so.”

 

 

 


	11. Chapter 11

Telling Ben and Bev about the new development in Stan's relationship with the others goes easier than Stan anticipates and two weeks later, he's back in his spot on Eddie's couch. 

He watches quietly as the others interact. He always notices the way they all seem completely comfortable and confident around each other. 

His favorite to watch, though, is definitely Richie.

Bill had brought out some wine and beer, even though it was a school night, and Richie had definitely partaken. 

While the others were normal, maybe buzzed at the most, Richie was definitely more on the tipsy side. 

He was flittering around the room from person to person and Stan was utterly endeared by him. Stan had definitely not taken a drink, but he didn't feel as uncomfortable around being others who were drinking as much as he would have when he first moved in. 

Now, he's content to just sit back and watch the others bicker and mingle with each other. He hasn’t been wanting to push his luck, still feeling the need to walk on eggshells around them, so he doesn't talk much, but even he can't help but laugh and nod along to the others. 

The t.v. is playing, but it's mostly just background noise as no one is actually watching it. 

While the others were normal, maybe buzzed at the most, Richie was definitely more on the tipsy side. 

He was flittering around the room from person to person and Stan was utterly endeared by him. 

Richie was definitely a touchy-feely person and it really showed when he was surrounded by people he loved. 

That scared and excited Stan in confusing ways.

Ever since that moment that Stan and Richie had when Stan apologized, his "issue" hasn't been brought back up. 

Which he is thankful for because Thanksgiving break is coming up and he cannot let his parents think for even a second that he's doubting certain things without calling Rabbi Harlow. 

He takes a sip of his coke and watches where Richie has perched himself in Mike's lap, and much to everyone's amusement, places a sloppy kiss to Mike's cheek which is immediately wiped off. 

Stan can't help but giggle and the sound  draws Richie's attention. The next thing he knows, Richie is plopping down next to him and is plastered to his side.

"Hey, Staniel. What's cooking, sugar? You're awfully quiet on this fine evening," he says as he slings his arm over Stan's shoulders. 

Bill nudges Eddie when Stan blushes and tucks his head with a shy smile at Richie's actions. Eddie gives a knowing smile. 

Unknowingly, Stan and Richie gain the attention of everyone in the room as they interact. 

Stan fondly reaches up to tuck a hair that has gone rebellious. 

"You're sweaty," he simply states and Richie gives him a huge grin.

Then he dives in and rubs his face all over Stan's and Stan bursts out laughing as he desperately tries to get away. 

Richie stays by side for the rest of the night and can't help but feel somewhat smug about this. 

At one point of the night, the tv is turned off and music is put on instead. 

"Dance with me Staniel!" Richie eagerly urges as he tugs at Stan's arms to get him off the couch. Stan widens his eyes and attempts to escape Richie's grip but it's to no prevail. 

"Richie, you're drunk and this is silly. I don't want to," Stan says, now standing in the middle of the room. The others are occasionally glimpsing at them, but they appear distracted for the most part.

"I'm not drunk, I've barely had anything, come on. It'll be fun, I promise," Richie persuades, still holding on to Stan's hands.

The song playing is upbeat and Stan doesn't know it, but it sounds familiar.

Richie starts by shaking his shoulders and raises his eyebrows playfully, making Stan snort.

He feels a little awkward just standing there as Richie starts to move even more, almost jumping in his spot and nodding his head so his hair is being flipped all over.

Stan feels himself starting to nod his head to the beat and Richie notices it immediately. 

"There you go, now you're getting it," he declares delightedly at Stan's movements.

It isn't long before they're both moving, and jumping, and spinning around the open space in the room and the others are watching them in pure amusement.

Stan can't even think about feeling self conscious or nervous because Richie is making him feel accepted and brave. 

This goes on for a few minutes, as song after song comes on. Richie knows all of them and is singing them at the top of his lungs as he twirls Stan around the room.

When a slower song comes on, they slow to a stop and they're both out of breath.

Without missing a beat, Richie is gripping his waist with one hand and keeps a hold of his other is slowly swaying them in their spot. They're in a more excluded spot, no longer in the center of the room, drawing the attention of everyone else.

They slow dance for the song and they don't speak, but there is some eye contact that makes Stan's stomache flutter.

The song is over way too fast for Stan's liking and Richie seems annoyed too.

"Let's go somewhere," Richie says before Stan can move to go back to the couch. He still hasn't let go of his hand.

Stan just nods.

They share their goodbyes with the others and instead of finding a ride like Stan had expected, Richie leads them down the street.

Richie has his hands in his pocket and Stan can't describe the nervousness he feels at the moment.

He's been alone with Richie multiple times as they are roommates. 

 But for some unknown reason, he can't stop looking at Richie, catching his eye, and quickly looking away without saying anything. He feels the strongest urge to reach out for Richie's hand. 

But he doesn’t.

Ever since his “talk”, he’s been able to accept that he might not be completely straight like he’s been taught to believe.

He knows he’s attracted to Richie. But he also knows that he’s not planning on acting on it any time soon.

”Hey, Stan?” Richie suddenly asks, breaking the peaceful silence.

”Yea?” 

“How are you doing?” 

Stan stops and slightly frowns, but when he looks over at Richie, his face is completely serious.

“What do you mean?”

“Well, I know the last few weeks have been really stressful for you. I just want to makes sure you’re okay,” Richie replied, gently taking Stan’s hand and it turning it over to gently rub his fingers over Stan’s palm where there are faded crescent marks.

Stan yanks his arm back and puts his hands in his pockets and glares at the ground. He really didn’t want to have this conversation right now.

”I’m fine,” Stan states irritability.

”I didn’t mean to upset you, I just want to make sure you know you can talk to me,” Richie says quickly, noticing the way Stan was starting to tense up.

Stan let’s out a long sigh and hesitates for a second before he takes his hand back out of his pocket and slips it back into Richie’s.

Richie takes a closer look at the marks and looks Stan in the eye as he slowly raises his hand to his mouth and presses a gently kiss on his palm.

There’s a moment of intense silence between them as they look at each other, but just when Richie looks like he’s about to break it, Stan immediately reacts first.

”I want a hot chocolate.” 

Stan cringes at his words, but things were starting to feel weird and it was the first thing he could think of. He doesn’t even like chocolate all that much.

Richie’s eyes widen and he looks around them for a second before breaking out in a grin. 

“Then let’s go get a hot chocolate,” he says and they hold hands all the way to a small cafe that was still open a few blocks away.

Stan is too distracted by this to admit to Richie that he actually doesn’t want one.

The cafe is modern, with a black tiled floor and wooden walls. There are decals of inspirational quotes all over the walls and there’s a bar in front of barista. There’s even a small lounge with a couple of couches and a coffee table.

Theres only a couple of other people there, and Stan chooses a table as far as he can from them while Richie goes to order.

They talk for a little bit, mostly just making small talk, but Stan feels a little safer on his side of the table.

He’s not scared of Richie and he would never want him to think that.

He’s scared of his attraction to Richie.

If Richie notices his skittishness, he doesn’t mention it.

They finish their drinks, well, Richie does. Stan just pretends to drink his.

And then they’re back out on the street, this time towards their dorm.

Richie takes his hand again and Stan’s heart flutters.

They make their way back to the dorm, but when they get there, it definitely doesn’t go as planned for both of them.

Because Richie kisses him.

Stan had been waiting for Richie to unlock the door from outside, and the next thing he knows, Richie’s lips are on his. 

He doesn’t react, doesn't know how to react, but he does know he absolutely loves it.

Which is why he kisses back.

He kisses Richie back just as eagerly and he can feel Richie coming closer and holding him tighter and it just feels so nice.

But it ends just as quickly as it starts because Stan feels the utter panicked creep up on him and he pushes Richie away from him hard. 

They stand there, with a couple feet of distance between them, just staring at each other. 

And Stan runs.


	12. Chapter 12

Stan stumbles blindly through the halls of his dorm, completely skipping his own room, automatically heading to a destination he hadn't even planned.

Mike's.

When he gets to Mike's door, he can hear how frantic his knocking sounds, but he's too distressed to care. 

It feels like someone put cotton in his ears and gave him a sedative that kept making his knees try to give out from underneath him.

Richie had kissed him.

Not just a kiss on the cheek, or even a small peck, but they had made out on the front door step to his dorm hall.

Stan feels likes he's going to throw up.

The door is thrown open after just a couple of seconds of the obnoxious knocking, clearly startled by the outburst.

It's not Mike, it's Mike's roommate and Stan wants to sob because he hadn't even considered that Mike might still be at Bill and Eddie's.

"Uh, dude, I think it's for you," the boy says to the space behind him and Stan has never been more relieved to see anybody in his life when he catches a glimpse of Mike coming forward.

"Stan? What's going on? I thought you were with Richie," Mike questions, but the mention of Richie's name and finally making it to Mike's room just sets something off in him and he bursts into tears.

Mike immediately ushers him in and holds onto him in a tight hug as Stan cries into his shoulder.

If Stan wasn't so genuinely distressed, he would find it ironic that he's in the exact same position with Mike from when he first apologized.

Mike continues to hold him and rub his back without asking any questions and once Stan feels like he can't cry anymore, Mike leads him to his bed and makes him sit down.

Mike then goes and grabs a water from his mini fridge and makes sure that Stan drinks a good portion of it.

By this time, Stan is just sniffling occasionally and staring at his feet that are hanging off the edge. 

He realized that Mike's roommate must have left at some point as they're on their own.

Mike lets him sit in silence for a few minutes, sitting down next to him and gently rubbing his back again.

"Wanna talk about it?" Mike encourages softly, not wanting to set off more waterworks.

"I- he- Richie-" Stan struggles to form a proper sentence of what he's feeling.

"Richie what?" Mike looks a little alerted, not having the slightest clue what was going on.

Stan lets out a few shaky breaths before he tries again.

"R-richie kissed me," he finally gets out in squeak.

"Oh," Mike says dumbly, "Oh.." Realization dawns on his face. "I see, Richie, he...okay. That's why you're crying? You're not hurt?" Mike does a quick glance over, checking to see if there was anything he missed and that he hadn't heard the full story yet.

Stan grimaced at Mike's wording. Of course he would think he was overreacting and being stupid.

"You don't know how to act normal to save your life, they all think you're a freak," that voice that hadn't been there for awhile suddenly makes an appearance.

A hand gently pries his own to unclench and he just feels so defeated.

"I'm sorry, I know it's stupid, people don't get upset about this stuff, but I-" 

"No, no, no, it's okay. Any reason you have to be upset is validated. You don't have to explain it. Unless you want to," Mike gently assures.

"What do you mean?" Stan asks, wiping away the last of his tears and looking at Mike clearly now.

"Do you want to talk about why Richie kissing you made you so upset?"

Stan just kind of sits there frozen, not prepared for rthat question at all. Well, really, he wasn't prepared for this whole night at all.

"I can't- I can't kiss Richie," he tries to explain, assuming that Mike would just silently understand. But it seems like he's going to force him to voice his thoughts.

"Why not?" Mikes questions with genuine curiosity.

"Because I- I just can't!" Stan exclaims, annoyed that his point wasn't getting across.

He couldn't like Richie, he just couldn't.

"Is it because he's your friend or because he's a guy?" Mike asks softly, knowing that this is a sensitive topic.

 Stan sniffs and when he squeezes his eyes shut, more tears fall. 

"I can't be gay, Mike," he finally says quietly after a few moments of silence.

"Why not?" Mike's voice is calm and empathetic.

"It's wron- it's not for me," Stan cuts himself off from the mantra that has been engrained into his head for years. Being gay is not wrong. Him being gay is wrong.

"I don't really know if you get to choose that Stan. You like Richie, right? I've seen the way you two act around each other. What's holding you back?"

"You wouldn't understand," Stan whispers, feeling more and more defeated with each question. 

"Talk to me, bubs. Your emotions are valid simply cause you feel them. Something has obviously made you think this way for awhile... Or maybe a someone," he hesitanly says, hoping that Stan will be baited to admit what's going on.

It's no secret through the group that it's suspected that Stan's internal homophobia has come from home. There has just been no proof.

"My parents absolutely refuse for me to be gay. I'm not allowed," Stan says, looking at his shoes again.

"That's not really their decision, though, is it?" Mike immediately shoots back. The truth is finally coming out.

"I tried to tell them once. They freaked out so much. Then they made me talk to Rabbi Harlow everyday," Stan continues.

Now this takes Mike off guard.

"What would you talk about?" He asks gently, even reaching up to push back a stray curl. He wants to make sure that Stan feels absolutely safe and comfortable since he's finally opening up to someone.

But the question was obviously a bad one, because Stan's breathing picks up and a couple more tears fall and he begs, " Please don't make me tell you, I don't want to say it, please."

"Okay, okay, shh, you don't have to if you don't want to, it's alright," Mike frantically tries to calm Stan down again before he has another panic attack.

He has a pretty good idea what was said in those conversations anyway.

 "Well, what do you think? You said you were okay with the others and they're gay. Is it just yourself that you have a problem with it?" 

"I-I guess. It's just not an option for me. I can't," Stan explains.

"Why not?"

"Because my parents will hate me!" Stan finally bursts out.

Mike sighs because he had expected this answer from the beginning.

"You're so brave, Stan, you know that?" Mike says.

"For what?" Stank asks, frowning.

"I don't even know what I would do if my parents hated me for who I am. For you to deal with that everyday, and still be so amazing is such a brave thing to do," Mike explains.

"But I'm not amazing. I was awful to you guys," Stan says with the familiar spike of shame and embarrassment from his actions. 

"Yea, but you already said you didn't actually think that what you said was true. Something tells me that you were just repeating what you've been taught. Am I right?"

Stan nods.

"Look, Stan. I can't tell you what to do. But I can tell you that there's nothing wrong with being who you are. For your parents to try and convince you otherwise is...really disgusting, I'm sorry. I know it isn't easy to hear that your parents are wrong, but what they're doing to you is so wrong, Stan, and you don't deserve it," Mike explains.

If he accomplishes anything during this talk, it will be to make sure that Stan knows he's not being treated fairly. 

"I just don't know what to do," Stan admits defeatedly.

"What feels like the right thing to do? What will make you happy?" 

"Richie," Stan answers without even thinking, making Mike smirk. 

"Then be with Richie, babe. Everyone knows he's crazy about you," Mike chuckles as Stan's eyes widen.

"What makes you think that?" And the way Stan asks it reminds Mike of young teen who has their first crush. 

Although he realizes this must actually be Stan's first full one crush since he's always been homeschooled.

"It's obvious, babe, you're the only one who doesn't see it," Mike says. 

"But my parents..." Stan returns back to the subject that's holding him back. Just the thought of his parents finding out about his crush makes his chest tighten with anxiety.

Mike exhales slowly and pulls Stan into a hug. 

"Whatever happens, we'll take care of you. You're officially a part of the Losers Club," Mike jokes just to get Stan laugh and he succeeds. 

"God, that's such and awful name. We gotta work on it," Stan jokes as he pulls away to rubs his eyes. 

Mikes just smiles softly at him.

"So, what's your plan now? You're more than welcome to sleep here if you need to. I can sleep on the floor," Mike says, already moving to his closet to get extra bedding.

"No, I think I'll go back to mine. I owe Richie an explanation," Stan replies.

"I'm so proud of you," Mike claims from where he's standing as Stan makes his way towards the door. He stops right before he opens it.

"Thank you, Mike. I don't kknow what I would have done without you," Stan says gratefully.

"Pshhh. You would've been okay either way, but I'm glad to have helped," Mikes says.

Stan exits the room and lets out a big sigh in the hallway. 

Now to find Richie. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I literally haven't checked the last three chapters for spelling and grammar mistakes so I apologize for that. To make up for my errors, SPOILER: GET READY FOR SOME STOZIER FOLKS


	13. Chapter 13

 

When Stan nears their dorm door, he can hear Richie’s voice from the other side, signaling that the boy had retreated to their room. Stan doesn’t mean to eavesdrop, but he finds himself instinctively pressing his ear against the door.

“I can’t believe I did that, Eddie, it just happened. Oh my god, he’s going to hate me,” he hears Richie’s voice moan in aggravation from the other side. “I was trying so hard to take things slow and not scare him off and he literally fucking ran away from me.”

Stan winces at the hurt tone in Richie’s voice and he only listens for a few more seconds before he slowly opens the door.

Richie whips around at the sound of the door being opened, eyes wide and the phone still pressed to his ear. He’s standing in the middle of the room, probably because he had been pacing around while talking. 

“Hold up, Eds, I’ll call you back.”

He hangs up the phone and tosses it onto his bed, never taking his eyes off of Stan.

”Hey,” Stan says dumbly.

”Hey.”

There’s an awkward moment of silence before they both try to speak.

”Listen, Stan,-“

”I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have-“

They both stop to let the other finish and it breaks the tension as they chuckle.

”You can go first,” Richie says, nervously biting his nails as he moves to sit on his bed, still watching Stan. Stan mirrors him and sits on his own bed.

“I heard you. When you were on the phone,” Stan starts and smiles softly when Richie grimaces. “I don’t hate you. At all. And I’m sorry I ran away. Again. I just- I don’t how to be-“ 

“It’s okay, Stan, I completely understand. I never wanted to push you when it came to that, and if you just want to forget it ever happened, I won’t mention it. Promise,” Richie says earnestly.

”...What if I don’t want to forget it?” Stan asked, heart beat rising.

Richie was quiet for a couple moments as they watched each other for any kind of reaction.

"What do you mean by that?" Richie asks, not trying to get his hopes up.

"I mean, I'm not ready for anything big and I probably won't be for awhile, but I think I'd be okay with kissing and other small things. That is, if you want to, I don't want you to feel forced, or that we have to do that stuff but I just thought that since you were the one who kissed me that maybe you wanted- okay, I'm shutting up now," Stan stops his rambling when he sees that Richie is trying not to smile.

"Why are you so cute?" Richie asks, seemingly dazed while staring at Stan from his spot.

Stan feels his face burning, but he doesn't look away. He's quite proud of himself. 

"Is it okay if I come sit next to you? I think we should have a talk," Richie asks patiently, completely ready to be turned down. He's trying to play it cool for the both of them, but inside he's going crazy. This was not how he visioned the night going. He can only imagine how Stan must feel right now.

Stan widens his eyes and bites his lip as he glances at the empty space next to him. “Oh. Um. Yea, that’s...okay,” he struggles to get out.

Richie moves slowly, almost like he’s trying to approach a scared animal. Stan thinks that is a pretty good comparison to how he feels. 

He feels the bed dip next to him and he glances up before turning his gaze back to his hands, which he unclenches. He felt a lot more confident when Richie was across the room.

He jumps when a hand is placed on his arm.

”Easy tiger. I need you to relax before we talk. Are you okay?” Richie asks sincerely.

Stan breathes in deeply through his nose, trying not to pay attention to that hand that is currently burning him through the fabric of his clothing. He hopes Richie doesn’t pull it away.

“Yea, I’m okay,” he says softly.

Richie smiles at him and Stan can’t help but stare for longer than necessary. Richie has a really nice smile.

 “So, lets start with what you said before. That you’re okay with small things? Is this what you mean?” Richie boldly asks, before moving his hand and taking Stan’s in his own. Stan watches quietly as Richie’s thumb rubs gentle circles into his skin. It feels nice. 

“Y-Yea. This is okay,” Stan almost squeaks. 

“Want to tell me what else is okay?”

Stan turns to look Richie in the eye and there is no judgment there. Just patience and maybe some desire.

“I-I mean, I’m not ready for anything big, you know? I don’t know when I will be. Or if I’ll ever be. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have started this-“ Stan mumbles, feeling a sinking feeling in his chest before Richie cuts him off.

”Hey, no, you’re okay. You’re already doing so much better than I thought you would after I kissed you,” Stan grimaces at that comment. “I know that this is new and hard for you. And I want you to know that I would never pressure you into doing anything you don’t want to do. Jesus, Stan, I like you so much, you don’t even know,” Richie explains, keeping eye contact with the boy. 

Stan’s pretty sure he just died. Yep. He was dead. 

“I like you, too,” he whispers, noticing that their faces have gotten quite closer since they started this talk. He drops his gaze down to Richie’s lips when Richie licks them. 

“And kissing? Is that okay?” Richie murmurs, taking his own glimpse at Stan’s mouth.

“I think so,” Stan responds before lips are on his again. 

It’s slower this time, and Stan can focus on how soft Richie’s lips are. He can faintly taste the chocolate from earlier.  

It’s just a movement of their lips, there’s no tongue. Stan can feel one of Richie’s hands slide around to hold onto his waist and the back other moves to cradle the side of his face. The grip is almost not there, just in case Stan wants to pull away. It’s almost instinct when Stan decides to put his hands in Richie’s hair. 

It isn’t long before Richie pulls away, not wanting to overwhelm Stan too fast. 

They sit there, just inches away from each other, panting with swollen lips and giving each other goofy grins. Stan is feeling surprisingly relaxed with the night’s progressions and he knows it’s all because of Richie. 

“Wait, was tonight your first kiss?” Richie teases with a shit eating grin. Stan groans and covers his face with his hands. 

“Beep beep, Richie,” he says, copying a phrase he has learned from hanging around the others.

Richie just smiles and takes one of Stan’s hands and raises it to his mouth to give his knuckles a sweet kiss.  

“Are you going to tell the others?” Stan asks quietly.  
  
”I’m not going to do anything you don’t want me to do, remember?” Richie answers.  
  
Stan ponders it for a moment before deciding, “I think I’d be okay with that.”  
  
“Yea?”  
  
”Just them, though, I’m not- I can’t be out to anyone else,” Stan starts to panic slightly, but Richie leans in pecks his lips quickly, causing any anxiety to halt.  
  
“Of course, Staniel, just the losers. Promise,” Richie says.  
  
“Sorry, I know you probably don’t-“  
  
“Stan, really. It’s okay, babe,” which definitely doesn’t make Stan’s stomach swoop.  
  
“Okay,” he whispers, causing Richie to smirk, before he leans in to press one last kiss on Stan’s cheek before rising and retreating to his side of the room.  
  
They continue their night like they normally would, except this time, there’s some intentional staring and whenever they bump into each other, each touch lingers.  
  
Stan feels high off of his crush and it shows by how giddy and giggly he gets whenever Richie shows him even the slightest bit of attention.  
  
Although, Richie has no room to talk as he almost doesn’t do anything without seeking Stan’s attention and approval.  
  
They haven’t officially put a label on anything, but that night was definitely a turning point in their relationship and they both knew it. 

~~~

Stan finds it easy to fall into a new routine with Richie. Their time spent together still includes them joking around and just hanging out like friends, but now there's kisses and hand holding when they're in the safety of their dorm room or one of the other's.

 They don’t ever actually tell the others, because really, they don’t have anything to announce. They aren’t dating, they just like to make out sometimes.

The first to notice is Mike, who is actually looking for a development in their relationship.  So when he catches them in a liplock in Eddie’s kitchen once, he just smirks knowingly and backs out.

Bev notices next and sneakily points it out to Ben. Together, they watch as Richie sits down next to Stan on the couch and puts his arm around Stan’s shoulders while Stan rests his head on Richie’s shoulder. It’s innocent enough, but Stan grabs onto Richie’s hand and holds it in his lap for the whole duration of the movie they’re watching. They giggle about it together, but neither are surprised and they don’t comment on it.

Eddie and Bill remain oblivious until Richie tags along with them to the store to buy groceries. Everything is going normally, meaning Richie keeps putting junk in their shopping cart that the two immediately take back out. 

But when Richie’s phone rings, Bill catches the caller ID fast enough to see that it’s Stan and Richie’s whole demeanor changes.

He walks away from them, but they hear, “Hey, Babe, I’m at the store, do you want anything?” before he gets out of earshot.

”Did he just call Stan babe?” Eddie whispers, watching Richie’s back.

”I think so,” Bill whispers back, smiling so wide, it looks like it hurts.

They both act like neither of them were paying attention to him when Richie turns back around, which makes him roll his eyes.

They don’t mention that Stan’s favorite snacks end up in the cart after that.

~~~

“Hey, Rich?”

”Yea?”

”Are you still in Genesis?” Stan asks one day when they’re walking back from Bev and Ben’s apartment, which is smaller than Bill and Eddie’s, but closer.

They aren’t holding hands because Stan doesn’t feel comfortable with any kind of PDA, but they are walking close enough to brush against each other with each stride. 

Richie raises his eyebrows at the question. They haven’t spoken about the organization since “that night”, but it isn’t a secret that that’s where Richie goes on one night of the week each week.

”Yea, I am, why?” Richie asks casually. 

There’s a little bit of quietness as Stan seems to be finding the right words.

”What do you usually do in there?” He eventually asks. 

“Well, it’s like a community thing. We talk to each other about personal issues, we talk about ways to make the university more diverse, and we do a bunch of stuff for fundraisers and charities. Sometimes we have guest speakers who talk about certain issues that are currently going on,” Richie explains, trying to catch glimpses of Stan’s reaction.

They have talked, and Stan has made his peace with the LGBTQ community, but this club was the original breaking point for him and Richie isn’t sure if it’s a sore subject or not. 

Stan doesn’t say anything else about it for the rest of the walk. In fact, he doesn’t say anything at all. 

When they get back to their room, Stan silently moves to his desk and pulls out his textbooks and is studying away before Richie even takes off his shoes.

Richie has known Stan long enough to know to let him be, because sometimes he just needs to be left alone for a little while to figure things out.

But after an hour passes and Stan is still staring blankly at the page he was on twenty minutes ago, Richie makes his move.

He approaches the desk and places his hands on Stan’s shoulders to gently rub out the tension there. Stan relaxes, but otherwise, doesn’t react. 

Richie then leans down to place a kiss to Stan’s temple, before mumbling, “What’s up, buttercup? Whatcha thinking so hard about?”

Stan sighs and takes Richie’s hand when it’s offered, letting Richie lead him away from the desk and to his bed.

”Thanksgiving break is coming up,” he says, staring as Richie runs a hand through his hair.

Richie hums in agreement, not knowing where the conversation was going.

”Yea, I think there’s like three weeks until then,” Richie says. 

Stan nods, face still blank. 

“Hey, what’s wrong babe? Talk to me,” Richie frowns, unsure of how to deal with this kind of behavior. He makes sure that Stan isn’t digging his nails in anywhere, and takes his hand for good measure. 

“I’m going home for Thanksgiving break,” Stan says, this time turning to Richie. 

It finally clicks on why Stan would be so stressed out. But it doesn’t connect to why he was asking about the club.

Almost like he was reading his thoughts, Stan continues, “I’ve been giving it a lot of thought and I was considering joining Genesis, because straight people are in it too, right? So, it’s not like I’d have to come out, but then I thought about what would happen if my parents found out that I joined a gay-straight alliance club and then I remembered that I’m going home in less than a month and...I’m scared,” Stan whispers the last part, breaking Richie's heart. 

Richie pulls him in for a tight hug that Stan gladly accepts. 

“You’re gonna be okay, sweetheart, I promise. I’m not going to let anything happen to you,” Richie says and he’ll be damned if he ever breaks that promise.

 


	14. Chapter 14

 

Thanksgiving break is one week away and even though Stan has tried to act like nothing is wrong since his initial breakdown, Richie can tell that he’s terrified. 

He can tell by the way there’s more crescent marks on his body, some of them harshly red and deep. 

He can tell by the way Stan won’t leave the room without making sure everything is spotless, even if he had just cleaned it the night before. 

He can tell in the way Stan is making frequent trips to the synagogue that he’s been attending. 

He’s even heard Stan pray a lot more than he normally would, as Stan is usually really private about that stuff. 

Richie has never been a very religious person. 

He attended church on Sundays with his parents and he could summarize a couple of popular bible stories. As he got older, he chose sleeping in over attending service and his parents hadn’t pushed him.

They only attended for the societal aspect of it; to be with the people they called friends and to make sure that they were seen in their Sunday Best. 

When Richie had turned 16 and had discovered that he was attracted to boys just as much as girls, he turned his back on the church for good and hasn’t been back since. 

His parents’ only concern was that he didn’t come out publicly, as they didn’t want the rest of the town to know. 

Today, Richie still isn’t sure of what he believes, if there is a God or not, but what he does know is that most of the people that are a part of the church are corrupted. 

Which is why he was horrified to find out that Stan and his family were very active members of the small Jewish community from their town. 

Upon hearing Stan’s outburst about gay people, Richie had had a sinking feeling, telling himself that he knew it: knew that Stan would be like all the others. But he didn’t want to believe it. 

And he was relieved when he found out that he wasn’t right, that he didn’t have to believe it. Because Stan was good. 

Stan is so innocently sweet, that when Richie figured out that someone was manipulating him, he had wanted to kidnap the boy and lock him away from other’s reach. 

 Stan still refuses to talk about it, but Mike has shared what went on during Stan’s small visit to the others and they are currently discussing their next move. 

“C-can we even d-do anything? We can’t s-s-stop him from going home. And w-we can’t g-go with him,” Bill asks from where he and Eddie are cuddled together on the loveseat. Eddie is leaning on Bill’s side and Bill has placed an arm around his shoulders. 

Ben and Bev are pressed together on the recliner while Richie and Mike take up opposite sides of the couch. Stan is at synagogue since it’s a Friday evening. 

“Well, maybe we can convince him to stay here for the break,” Ben suggests.

 “I wish it was that easy, but there’s no way he’ll disobey his parents,” Richie responds, rubbing his face with his hands.

“Why do they insist he come home anyway? They barely even talk to him,” Eddie says. 

“The same reason your mom wouldn’t let you stay here over break last year. They need to make sure they still have control over his life,” Richie explains. Eddie looks disgruntled, but he doesn’t disagree.

”He does know that what they’re doing is wrong, though, right? Like, we have made that obvious?” Bev asks.

”I’m pretty sure. If anything, he knows that what they believe is completely right. But he wouldn’t tell me what that Rabbi told him and that worries me,” Mike shares and they all grimace at mention of it.

”That’s another thing. Rabbi Harlow? Who the fuck is that?” Richie picks up on the subject.

Eddie sighs and they all turn to him. He looks put out.

”Don’t you get it, Rich? It’s probably gay conversation therapy. My mom suggested for me to go through if when I first came out, but when I told her I’d literally run away, she dropped it,” He explains.

”Is that even fucking legal? How the hell can they think that’s okay?! It’s fucking emotional abuse,” Bev exclaims, saying what they’re all thinking. Richie gets up and begins to pace around.

He’s ready for it to be time for him to go back to the dorm so he’s there when Stan gets in. But he’s still got at least another hour.

“It’s not legal. But some churches do still practice it. Especially conservative ones,” Mike responds.

“I need a smoke,” Richie declares, grabbing his jacket and heading out the door. 

They let him leave without saying anything.

Richie closes the door behind him, standing on the small balcony that is next to the stairway. It’s facing the street and the busier part of the city.

It’s just now sun down and the sky is in brilliant shades of orange and pink. 

He pulls on his jacket completely and takes out a pack of cigarettes that he’s been milking for the last two weeks. Stan doesn’t really like the smell, so he’s been trying lay off of them.

He stands there, leaning against the rail, with the wind blowing in his face, for a whole cigarette. It’s when he lights his second that the door opens and Bev comes out.

She doesn’t say anything, just goes to stand by him, and they watch the world below them for awhile.

He’s halfway through his second cig when she finally speaks.

”You doing okay, Rich?”

Richie inhales deeply and when he exhales, it’s through his nose, letting the smoke float up around them.

”The world can be such a shitty place,” is all he says.

”He’s going to be okay, Richie. He has us now,” she says softly, reaching up to slowly rub him on his back.

”I just don’t understand why parents can’t just fucking love their kids. Like what’s up with that?” He turns to her and she gives him a sad smile.

”I know what you mean. If we hadn’t found Ben, his mom would still be shoveling all that crap down his throat. He still has body issues from that. Mike would be a workaholic because of his grandfather. I don’t think Bill has had more than three whole conversations with his parents since he's moved out. Eddie...” she trails off, shaking her head and turning back to the view as he stares at her.

”My parents definitely wouldn’t win the top parents award. Shit, they wouldn’t even qualify. And your dad can go to Hell,” he states, causing her to snort at that last part.

”Yea, he can,” she agrees and she looks back at him.

“You’re really gone for him, aren’t you?” She asks quietly, watching his reaction. 

He takes one last drag of his cigarette and holds in the smoke before saying “Yea, I am,” and then breathes out the rest of the smoke.

 ~~~

 “Richie! Richie, stop!” Stan shrieks as he’s being tickle attacked on his bed. He can’t help but giggle uncontrollably as Richie pins him down with one hand and uses the other mercilessly poke and pride his sides. He didn’t even know he was ticklish.

”Come on, cutie, spill the beans, what were you and Eddie whispering about back there, huh?” Richie grins, teasing him about an interaction he saw between the two earlier that night where they were giggling and pointing at Richie when he came in from the outside. He leans back, giving Stan a break so he can catch his breath and answer the question.

But Stan apparently isn’t done, as he stares at Richie with wide eyes and says innocently, “I dont know what you mean.”

Richie raises his eyebrows and smirks.

”Oh, really? Maybe this will jog your memory,” he laughs as Stan shrieks again when Richie resumes his tickling torture.

”Okay, okay! We were laughing at your hair!” Stan finally admits, giggling and out of breath. Richie thinks it’s the most beautiful thing he’s ever seen.

“You were what?! I feel offended, Stanley. I can’t believe you would betray me like this, I thought we were friends,” he pretends to cry, causing Stan to grin at him.

”No, but really, when’s the last time you brushed it?” Stan teases.

”Yowza, babe. I knew Eddie would be a bad influence on you,” Richie says as he gets up from where he was sitting on Stan’s bed. He leans down and places a firm kiss to Stan’s lips and mutters, “I’m going to miss you,” before pulling away. 

Stan’s smile slowly drops and watches as Richie goes to lay back on his own bed. 

“You’re going to text me, right?” Stan questions.

”Stanley, I’m going to text you so much, that you’re gonna want to block me,” He answers confidently.

”I would never,” Stan smiles in Richie’s direction. 

But as the night goes on, Richie can tell that Stan’s nerves are getting the best of him.

”Hey, why don’t you lie down and get some rest, okay? Give those shelves a break,” He partially jokes, but Stan really has pulled everything off his desk, wiped it down, and put everything back on it. Three times.

Stan frowns and only let’s go of the wipes and duster when Richie walks over and takes them from him.

Richie places the items on the desk, and Stan would complain, but he’s being tugged into Richie’s arms for a tight hug that he didn’t realize he needed.

They stand there quietly, just basking in each other’s affection as Richie gently rubs his back and Stan grips his shirt with all his strength.

”I don’t know why I’m being like this,” Stan tries to excuse himself. “I lived with them for 19 years, I should be able to go home for a week. I can’t belive I’m being such a baby.”

”You’re not being a baby, Stan. You have a perfectly good reason to not want to go home,” Richie hums. 

“I just- I just know that they’re going to take one look at me and know,” he says weakly. “They can just sense stuff like that and I’m a horrible actor.”

”I don’t know about that, you were pretty good at tricking all of us,” Richie jokes.

Stan snorts and shakes his head while giving Richie a gentle shove.

”Jerk.”

”Hmm, yes, but I’m your jerk,” Richie says before they both freeze.

Stan widens his eyes, but when he catches Richie’s gaze, he doesn’t look away.

”Are you?” He whispers, “Mine, I mean?”

”If that’s okay with you, then I would love to be yours. That is, if you’re mine too,” Richie boldly declares.

Stan slowly nods.

”I think I’m okay with that,” he says quietly and Richie grins as steps into Stan’s personal space to put his hands on Stan’s waist. 

“You think so?” Richie whispers teasingly, nuzzling into Stan’s neck and pressing a small kiss there.

”Y-Yea, this is okay,” Stan responds, face flushed. He brings his hands to run over Richie’s forearms, before cupping his face and bringing him in for a bruising kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really should proofread before I post, but I’m in too deep oops. Anyway, Stan and Richie have finally figured out their shit! Now to deal with Stan’s parents....


	15. Chapter 15

 

Stan counted in his head before letting out a deep breath. Then he inhaled and started counting again.

His parents were picking him up today. 

At the moment, he wishes he could handle being in a public transport so he could take the bus and have a couple more hours of freedom, but that clearly wasn’t going to happen. He still has to be coaxed into the the Ubers that Richie takes sometimes.

He was pacing the room, looking for anything that may hint to his lifestyle now, anything that they may disapprove of. 

Richie had gone to get them breakfast since there were a couple of hours before they were supposed to arrive. Stan had felt bad that it was the first day of break and all of them were on edge about him going home. He kind of wishes he had never mentioned it, but he also knows he wouldn’t be able to get through this without them.

He spies the rainbow flag that is peeking out from underneath Richie’s pillow and walks over to tuck it completely out of sight. 

He feels a tug of guiltiness from asking Richie to take it down and hide it, but his parents weren’t idiots.

He swirls around when he hears the door open, his heart pounding at the thought of his parents being early. 

“Easy, it’s just me. I got us donuts," Richie gives him a grin he shakes a white paper bag  that has a few spots from where the oil has dampened it. 

Stan lets out a big breath.

Richie walks in and set the bag down on his nightstand before walking over to Stan. 

He slides a hand around his waist to bring him closer as he starts pressing kisses up Stan's neck and along his jaw before pressing one to his lips.

Stan's next breath is shaky, but it's not because of his nerves this time. 

Him and Richie have been official for four days. Stan wishes the fear of going home hadn’t caused those four days to be filled with anxiety so he could enjoy completely enjoy Richie’s company. 

Richie slowly backs them up until the back of his knees hit his bed and he sits down on it, immediately pulling Stan into his lap. 

Stan lets out an “oomph” before relaxing into the straddle of Richie’s thighs, his face burning at the new position. It’s new. 

Richie’s hands are on his waist and lower back and Stan knows it’s to make him feel more secure and to keep him from falling backwards, but his mind has totally zoned in on that hand that’s right above the waistband of his trousers.

They continue to make out and Stan feels himself move his hands to tangle into Richie’s hair. The groan he gets in response makes him feel slightly accomplished.

Their make out session is starting to be longer than it usually is and Stan definitely notices when their kissing becomes more desperate and their breathing becomes harder.

Richie is avidly licking into his mouth, which Stan originally thought he would find completely gross, but he actually really likes it. His only experience is with Richie, and while he has picked up the technique of it, he mostly lets Richie take the lead.

“Fuck, you’re so hot,” Richie mumbles against his lips before lightly biting the bottom one.

This time, it’s Stan's turn to groan as he feels Richie's teeth slightly graze his skin.

He feels a lot more courageous after that act and forcefully presses their lips back together. Richie seems taken back by this and he falls onto his back, bringing Stan down with him so they’re chest to chest.

Stan decides to trail his own kisses down Richie’s neck, even though he’s not brave enough to bite and suck yet, but Richie leans his head back to give him more access anyway. 

It’s when Richie’s hand moves lowers to Stan’s ass that Stan realizes the position they’re in and tenses up. 

Richie notices his change of demeanor immediately and apologizes, “Shit, sorry babe, I wasn’t thinking.” 

Stan pants as he leans back up to where he’s sitting on Richie’s thighs, and Richie's still laying down, and just watches him. 

Richie’s hair is a mess from where Stan’s fingers had brushed through it so many times, his lips are swollen and more red than usual, and there’s a drying line of spit going down his neck from Stan’s open mouth kisses. 

He looks really fucking hot like this and Stan is just now realizing that his trousers are tighter than usual. He widens his eyes and starts to frantically get up, but it’s hard to move and Richie’s hands are still holding onto his waist.

”Stan? What’s wrong? Are you okay?” Richie starts to freak as Stan keeps trying to get away. 

“I-I’m fine, I just, I need to, my...” he tries to explain without having to literally tell Richie that he’s hard. But when he slides against against Richie in an attempt to climb off of him, he feels a similar hardness that is not his own.

He freezes and looks at Richie with big eyes and Richie finally understands the situation. 

He glances at Stan’s situation and Stan’s face is burning, but he meets Richie’s eyes when they travel back up. Richie reaches up to cup Stan’s face. 

“It’s okay, Stan. It happens, yea? We’re both teenage boys, and making out can get pretty hot, ya know? There’s nothing wrong with you,” he reassures softly, bringing one hand up to slightly tug on one of Stan’s curls. 

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to make things awkward,” he whispers, leaning his head to press a small kiss to Richie’s palm. 

“I don’t think it’s awkward. It’s good to talk about this stuff. Boundaries and all that,” Richie says as he helps Stan maneuver off of him and to the other side of the bed so he can sit up. 

“I’m not ready for anything...like that,” Stan frowns. If he’s being honest, the thought of sex hadn’t occurred to him at all until now. 

“Of course, Sweetheart. And you don’t have to be anytime soon if you’re not ready. There’s no rush I promise,” Richie scoots closer to take Stan’s hand in his own. 

Stan gives him a forced smile, but he still feels bad about not being able to go farther.

~~~

”Breathe, Babe, breathe. Okay, now you have to let go, okay? You’re cutting off circulation,” Richie is saying softly as he holds Stan close. 

Stan had just gotten off the phone with his mother who had informed him they had made it into the city and to be ready.

Now, the two boys are standing in the middle of the dorm as Richie tries to calm his nerves and get him to unclench his fists from where nails are digging into flesh.

“I don’t want to go, please, I don’t want-“ Stan mumbles, pressing his face into Richie’s shoulder. His voice is shaky and Richie is sure that there are tears in his eyes. His heart breaks for his boy. 

“I know, baby, but it’s just one week, and then you’ll be back here with me, and we can have a whole day to just lay in bed and cuddle, okay?” Richie is starting to sound rushed and frantic but Stan’s parents will be there any minute and Stan doesn’t have much time to pull himself together. 

Seeming to have a similar thought process, Stan finally pulls back with a sniffle and fiercely rubs his eyes. He keeps his face covered as he takes in a big shuddery breath. 

When he moves his hands away, his face is red and splotchy, but he’s not crying anymore and he’s breathing normally again. Richie knows the redness will disappear in just a matter of moments. 

He smiles sadly at his boy and he would give him another hug, but they both know that that would lead to more tears. 

“Everything’s going to be okay. We’ll text everyday and the week will fly by before you know it,” Richie says confidently. He’s trying not to show the dread he feels about Stan going home. 

A part of him wants to take him and hide him away, to go somewhere his parents would never find and just wait till break is over. But, Stan wouldn’t appreciate that. 

Because as much as Stan hates going home, Richie has come to realize that Stan still desperately seeks his parents’ approval. 

It makes Richie so devasted and furious that they still treat Stan like he isn’t good enough even though he’s a straight A student and a picture perfect Rabbi’s son. Because he knows Stan tries so hard to be good enough for them.

Deep down, they both know he’ll never be.

Not only does Stan desperately want their love and approval, they pay for his schooling. So saying “no” wasn’t even an option unless he wanted to drop out or go into thousands of dollars in debt.

There was no winnning in his situation.

 Stan goes to make sure his stuff is organized and ready to go for the ninth time in the past hour and Richie watches him. 

Richie was scheduled to leave later that day, but he was planning to take a bus back home.

He had no particular feelings about going home. 

He got along with his parents, but he wasn’t exactly excited to see them. They didn’t even really celebrate holidays together so going home for Thanksgiving had no effect on him. He imagined he would just sit in his old room and draw while listening to music like he used to. 

The others all had similar schedules when it came to going home. Bev was going with Ben to his Mom’s, who apparently absolutely loved the holidays and made every traditional dish known to man. 

Mike was going to his Granddad’s farm and was more excited about getting to see all of his old farm animals again. 

Eddie was going to his Mom's, but it was common knowledge that when they started to fight, he would leave to go stay at Bill’s until the end of break.

Richie imagines that’s where they’ll all end up by the end of the week. He just wishes Stan could come with him. 

When they hear the knock on the door, it’s like a switch had been flipped. Stan completely froze and Richie was forced to answer the door. 

The man and woman standing in front of him were somehow exactly how he had pictured them. Cold and void of all personality. 

If he looked close, he could see where Stan looked like bits of them. He had his mother’s eyes and his father’s skin tone for sure.

From the way they raked their eyes over him, he could tell they were judging him as much as he was them. He had prepared for this.

He has busted out his only pair of jeans that didn’t have holes in them and was even wearing a button down that Bev had insisted he would need one day. He doesn’t plan on giving her the satisfaction by telling her she was right.

As for his hair, he had combed and styled it that morning, but when Stan had ran his fingers through, all order had been lost. He imagines it looks just as messy as he thinks it does.

 

“You must be Stanley’s roommate. I’m Stanley’s mother and this is his father. May I ask what your name is?” The woman asks, not coldly, but there definitely wasn’t any friendliness either. 

“My name is Richard Tozier, ma’am. Would you like to come in?” He had promised to be on his best behavior and he intends to keep that promise even if he would rather run over this couple with Bill’s car. 

The two step in and Stan finally seems to react. He doesn’t say anything, just picks up his stuff to signal that he’s ready to go.

They don’t even acknowledge him and it makes Richie’s blood boil. They examine the room, looking distastefully at his posters. He watches as his dad even runs a finger across Stan’s desk, checking for dust. 

If their leaving didn’t mean Stan leaving, he would have physically kicked them out the moment they had stepped in. 

“Well, I think it’s time to go. We still have the trip back,” Stan’s mother explains to Richie as to clarify why their visit is so short. 

But Richie doesn’t buy her bullshit because he knows that Stan only lives a couple hours away from the University and it’s just now midday. 

He watched as Stan’s father picks up Stan’s suitcase and Stan’s readjusts his backpack on his shoulders. 

As they’re walking out, Stan sends him one last longing glance before the door is shut behind him. 

Richie’s heart has never hurt so much as it did in that moment. 


	16. Chapter 16

It's raining as they drive back home and Stan's thinks it matches his mood quite well. He's only been in the car for 30 minutes, but he already wishes that he was back with Richie and  the others. His parents haven't said much to him, and there's an awkwardness in the car that wouldn't be dispersed by small talk. The music playing on the radio is almost so low that it's hard to hear, but he knows it's mostly classical. That's all his parents will listen to.

Stan wishes that the dreadful feeling in his gut wasn't present. It is only a week. If he tries hard enough, he can convince himself to forget that the month long holiday break between semesters is coming up pretty fast as well. No, he wasn't going to think about that yet.

He was going to get through this.

~~~

Richie was bored out of his mind.

It was the first day home, and his parents weren't even there. Apparently they'd been invited over to dinner with one of the neighbors down the street and had gone without even waiting for him to arrive. He didn't really care, though. He had been dreading to walk in and see his parents' lack of excitement to see him. Coming home to an empty house was a lot more appealing to him.

His only source of entertainment had been texting Stan the whole way back. He knew the boy secretly loved his inappropriate jokes and never ending supply of memes, no matter how much he acted annoyed by them.

But texting Stan was not the same as seeing Stan. They had only been separated approximately six hours and Richie missed him like crazy already.

Stan had been pretty consistent with his replies and it had definitely eased some of Richie's worries. He honestly didn't know what was to come out of this "vacation". He had never wished to be at school more.

~~~

When Stan arrived home, his first action was to go to his old room and put away the clothes he had brought with him. His mother reminded him that dinner would be done within the next couple hours and he escaped to the solitude of his room.

Once he's done with unpacking and organizing his stuff, he sits down on his bed to catch up on the texts Richie had sent. They were innocent and cheesy enough that Stan felt a kind of giddiness he had never experienced while sitting in this room. Looking around, he realizes that it actually looks a lot like his dorm room.

The walls are bare and white and the only thing on his nightstand is a Bible.

A thought passes through his mind of framing and hanging up the pictures he had taken while away at school, but he disregards it quickly.

This isn't a place he wants to make over. Because this isn't a place he wants to live in. A thought passes through his mind of decorating a place that he would share with Richie and it leaves him feeling breathless and excited, but also terrified.

Because living with someone means it's serious.

He hadn't really thought about what his relationship with Richie could lead to once they're done with school. Stan knows that being gay isn't something you grow out of. He's tried.

Would his parents be the factor that makes him try to hide who he is for the rest of his life? Would he be able to go on with this kind of lifestyle if it meant saying goodbye to his parents? Everything else in his life has come and gone, but his parents were constantly there. He knows that they aren't a normal family. That they don't show affection, and that there are too many expectations forced upon him, but it's all he's ever known. He hates to think about it, but if Richie ever decides that he would rather be with someone who wasn't as complicated, that would leave Stan with no one.

And Stan has come to learn that he absolutely hates to be alone.

Once again, he's on that fine line of wanting to please his parents by living a picture perfect life as a businessman with a darling wife, and wanting to finally break away from their grip to love who he pleases.

 He stares at the picture he had set to his home screen. Richie had stolen his phone while they were hanging out at Bill's, and it's a selfie of him and Bill making a weird face. He stares fondly at the curly haired boy who has made him question all of his plans for the future. 

~~~

Richie let out a loud sigh as he finishes his third drawing that day. He was glad for the solitude to finally finish some projects he's been working on for a couple months, but now he's getting antsy. 

His parents have been in and out of the house for the past couple days, never inviting him to go with them. Not that he would want to. 

He stands up from his desk, stretching and hearing his joints crack from sitting bent over his sketchbook for so long. When he reaches for his phone that was charging on the nightstand, he sees a text from Stan and his heart swoops. He's starting to catch on to Stan's home schedule and when he's more likely to answer.

He must have just gotten done with dinner.

He grins as he types out a response, before laying down on his bed and resting the phone on his stomach. The smile never leaves his face as he thinks about his boy.

He's never felt this way about a person.

Sure, he's had the puppy-dog crushes in high school, and even one serious relationship with a girl in his senior year of high school, but there's just something special about Stan.

No one has ever made Richie feel the desire to jump and laugh and sing and draw and dance all at the same time. No one has ever made him grin at just the though of them. Songs used to be just a tune to sing, but now he feels something every time he listens to one. His art has never been so inspired. Richie swears that every time Stan so much as smiles at him, he travels to a different world.

Shit.

Richie sits upright so sudden, his phone slides off of his torso and falls onto the ground.

l\He can't love Stan already, can he?

No, it's too soon. They haven't even known each other for a year. Hell, they haven't even known each other for six months.

But the thought of not being with Stan makes his stomach drop.

Could he be in love with this boy? The one who was so cute and shy when they first met, and who Richie has become more attracted to each and everyday? How can he even know what love is if he's never been in love? 

But there's just something about being with Stan that makes Richie feel whole. 

Richie feels like he's standing on a tightrope here. If he admits he's in love with the other boy, he'll fall off on one side. But if he lies to himself and convinces himself that his feelings are not validated, he's bound to fall off the other. 

No, he needs to tread carefully here. 

He hears his phone buzz from the floor, and the smile returns when he sees Stan's name flash across the screen. He shakes his head and moves the train of thought to the back of his mind.

~~~

Stan pushes the rice on his plate around. All you can hear in the dining room is the sound of utensils hitting the dinner plates. Every now and again, his mother asks him a question about his classes or his dad about his work. 

The silence is awkward, but it isn't anything he isn't used to with them.

When the meal is finished, he retreats back to his room. There are only four more days of break, and he hasn't spoken to Rabbi Harlow once. A part of Stan hopes that this means his parents believe he's been fully "cured", but he knows in his gut that that's probably not the reason why.

He's not going to ask about it. 

He hears his parents downstairs, doing their evening activities and he grabs his boots. 

His backyard became his escape during his last few years of schooling. He didn't know any of the other neighborhood kids and his parents didn't like him wandering off that far anyway..

This place had become his favorite inspiration for his photography, especially during the late spring when all the birds came back. He runs his fingers over the stone-cold birdbath that hold just a small puddle of water now, mostly just from left over rain.

He remembers when he and his parents had first moved to this house when he was seven. They had stepped through the backdoor and he had bolted to the built in bird bath where several birds had gathered.  Not knowing that sudden movements would scare them off, he became upset when they all flew off. His father had scolded him for being too sensitive.

Now there were good memories with his parents too. When he was younger, they had made frequent trips to the local park down the street where his dad would run the track and his mother would read sit and read a book under her favorite tree as Stan played on the playground equipment. There were times when his father would come home from work after getting a raise or a promotion and would take them out to eat or buy them special gifts. One of these was Stan's camera.

Stan's relationship with his parents had been tense, but they were still a family.

Stan kind of wishes they would hit him, or kick him out. Then it wouldn't be so hard to justify why he keeps trying to please them. There's just something about the disappointment in their faces that makes him feel awful and he hates it. He wants to be able to stand up for himself and to finally just tell them "no", but he doubts he'll ever have the courage to get out from under their thumb. He wants to hate them so bad. But he doesn't.

~~~

Richie watches as his mother stumbles in with his dad's support. She's obviously drunk from the Thanksgiving party they had just left. Richie had spent the day alone. His father catches his eyes and just lets out a small laugh and a shake of his head like the whole situation is funny.

Richie rolls his eyes and turns around to grab his jacket to head to Bill's.

He had been avoiding going over there all day because he didn't want to impose on the Denbrough's holiday, but he doesn't think he can wait very much longer. 

He walks through the dark streets, thinking back to the times he and the others would race each other on their bikes down these same roads. He passes the old arcade where he would literally spend all his money and all his time at before he had to start saving up for college. He wonders if anyone ever beat his score on Donkey Kong.

When he gets to Bill's house, the downstairs lights are off, but one up stair bedroom still has a light coming from the window.

He immediately heads to the backyard where the old oak tree is located. He's climbed up this tree plenty of times during his adolescence.

When he is finally able to lift himself all the way up, he knocks on the glass, waiting for the familiar figure to approach and open up the window for him to climb through.

It's Eddie that pushes up the unlocked window. He doesn't look confused at the fact that Richie is balancing on a branch outside of Bill's window when it's almost midnight. Actually, he looks expectant, like they had planned for this to happen and Richie is late.

Richie crawls through without saying a word and when he catches sight of Bill already asleep on the bed, a blanket pallet on the floor that's definitely not for Eddie, and a plate of Thanksgiving leftovers on the nightstand, he gives Eddie a small sad smile.

Eddie fondly rolls his eyes before he hands the plate to Richie and makes sure he's eating before climbing back into Bill's bed.

Richie finishes most of the plate before tucking himself into the blankets laid out for him and Eddie turns off the lamp on Bill's nightstand.

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so I mostly used this chapter to kind of let the boys be separated so they can each have some reflection on their relationship. I also wanted to kind of give a little insight on their home lives. I also really wanted to explore Stan's relationship with his parents a little deeper. But don't think we're in the clear yet. There's a storm brewing.... Also once again, I apologize for spelling and grammar mistakes, I have no energy to proofread


	17. Chapter 17

As soon as Bill pulls up to Richie's dorm, Richie is grabbing his bag and bolting out of the car.

He had decided to ride back with Bill and Eddie after completing his break with them at Bill's.

Stan arrived back to the dorm about 30 minutes ago and Richie has never been so anxious to see someone. He knows he must have drove Bill and Eddie crazy with his constant fidgeting and nonstop talking from the backseat, but he can't help it. Being obnoxious is an outlet he has come to rely on.

He's at their door in just a matter of seconds and as soon as he's pulling it open, Stan is in his arms. He must have been waiting for him from the other side.

They cling to each other, soaking in each other's warmth for the first time in over a week. Stan hates to say it, but he's missed the smell of Richie's old jacket that is forever tainted with the smell of cigarette smoke and the cologne he's always worn. 

"I missed you so much, sweetheart," Richie whispers into Stan's ear, before gently pulling away and tilting Stan's head back for a soft kiss. 

Stan parts his lips in welcome, having missed the way Richie's lips felt on his own. 

When they pull away, Stan picks up Richie's bag for him and they complete the trip inside where Stan has already unpacked his stuff again. He sets Richie's bag down on the ground near the foot of the boy's bed, and takes Richie's hand to lead him on to the mattress. Richie doesn't say anything. He doesn't need to. They've both missed being in each other's embrace and they have a week to make up for. Plus Stan could always blame it on the way Richie's lip were slightly blue from the cold outside.

Yea, that's exactly why he needs Richie to hold him.

He climbs into Richie's bed, and after Richie sheds his shoes and coat, he climbs in after him. They don't leave the dorm room until it's time to eat dinner.

~~~

Classes start back up like usual, but now there's the sense of franticness as finals are looming ahead. Students are starting to feel the dread that comes with the all night studying and the last minute projects, and the Losers are not an exception.

Bill, in particular, is really struggling with his chemistry course. He only needs one science class for his general education requirements, but now he is wishing he had picked anything but chemistry. The poor boy just doesn't get it.

The losers each take turns to try to help him, but none of them are very good at the subject themselves. They tell him to hire a tutor, but he claims to have no time to. They tell him to ask the professor for and tips, but apparently the guy is especially strict and doesn't believe in taking time out of his day to talk to students one-on-one. They tell him to take time off from work so that he has more time to study and prepare for his last exam, but Bill won't budge on that option. He claims that he and Eddie need the money too much for him to take off any hours from his paycheck.

Him and Eddie have gotten into several arguments over the last few months about Bill taking on too much and pulling himself too thin, but it's definitely a lot more serious now. Eddie thinks Bill needs to quit his job or at least work less hours, but Bill claims they won't be able to depend for themselves without his income. Eddie hates to watch Bill become so stressed out to the point of tears and Bills hates to make Eddie upset. Things are tense in the Kasprak/Denbrough apartment and the others have experienced a few fights first hand by now.

So it isn't really a surprise when Bill shows up at Richie's and Stan's dorm room late one night with tear tracks staining his cheeks.

They usher him in, and through stuttering and crying, Bill is only able to get out that him and Eddie got into another fight and that Eddie kicked him out. 

They try to comfort him by getting him to laugh and talk, but it's not really helping. He's too upset to banter with Richie and too tired to go into detail about what happened with Stan.  At some point in the night, Richie leaves to go get the poor boy something to eat and drink while Stan finds him some clothes to sleep in and wraps him up in the blankets on his bed. They text Eddie to make sure he's okay as well, but they don't receive any answer. Richie considers going over there, but Stan stops him. He especially knows what it's like when Eddie is pissed off. 

It's not spoken that they aren't going to make Bill sleep on the floor after the night he's had. It's a mutual agreement after a few secret eye conversations and facial expressions. Stan makes him stay on his bed and it's quiet as Bill finally stops crying and slowly falls asleep.

It's once Stan and Richie are ready to go to sleep that they realize that either one of them is going to have to sleep on the floor or they're going to have to share a bed. 

"It's okay, you can take my bed," Richie doesn't even hesitate to give up the bed for the night since Stan is currently out of one. Stan swallows and his face is burning, but he bravely grabs Richie's hand when he moves to walk away.

"We can share?" Stan asks tentatively, not sure if this overstepping a boundary of some sort.

Richie's eyes widen and he finds himself nodding before he can even begin to process how this is going to work. Richie climbs in first, so that he's nearest to the wall, and it gives Stan the opportunity to escape if he needs to. Stan follows him and they find themselves relaxing into the same comfortable position they have decided works best for them since they have to fit on a twin sized bed and neither of them are exactly short. Richie is on his back and Stan is laying half way on top of him, with an arm wrapped around Richie's torso. He's just slightly shorter than Richie so he's able to fit his face into Richie's neck comfortably. He feels Richie's hand come down to gently rub up and down his back.

With Richie so close to him, Stan is extremely warm and content, and he has absolutely no trouble falling asleep in that position.

~~~

It's about a couple hours later when the three are awoken to someone knocking on the door. Richie climbs over Stan's body to turn on the light and answer it while Bill and Stan are barely sitting up and watching groggily.

When Richie pulls the door open, Eddie is revealed. He's wearing what is obviously one of Bill's old baseball hoodies from high school and a pair of sweats that are way too long for him. The sleeves on the hoodie cover his hands and everyone takes notice of his sweater paws when he reaches up to swipe his cheek for the tears that are about to fall down. 

"Bill," he whimpers when he catches sight of the boy in Stan's bed. 

In a blink of an eye, Bill is launching himself out of the bed and towards the shorter boy. Eddie is eagerly holding out his arms as Bill swoops into them. Stan and Richie make exasperated eye contact over the two as Richie goes to sit down next to Stan who is still partly laying down. 

"You s-s-shouldn't have c-come this late," Bill gently scolds, cupping Eddie's face to meet his eyes. 

"I just can't sleep without you anymore," Eddie whispers before burying his face back into Bill's chest. Stan's heart tugs at the tear that slips out of the corner of Eddie's eye. He and Richie are trying to act like they aren't listening, but it's hard not to when they're the only things in the room making noise. 

They both hear Eddie whisper an "I'm sorry, I just want you to come back home" but Bill quickly shushes him and tells him they can talk about it in the morning.

"T-thanks for l-letting me stay, g-guys. We'll s-see you later. I-I'm going to get him b-back home," Bill explains when they finally separate and he's pulling on his shoes. Eddie looks extremely tired with his dark eye circles and droopy eyes. He gives Bill a small smile when he takes his hand and they walk out together.

The dorm is silent for a split second before Richie snorts and says, "God, they're fucking idiots, I'm surprised Bill stayed as long as he did. I was expecting Eddie to go all Hulk on us and come break our door down the minute we let him in."

Stan rolls his eyes, but he's not really listening. Now that Bill is gone, he's not sure what to do.

Because the thing is, he really likes sleeping in the same bed as Richie. And now he's not sure if he has a reason to.

He slowly sits up and Richie turns his head to watch him. 

"So, I guess I should probably go back to my own bed," Stan states as he pulls the blanket off of his lap from where it's gathered and swings his legs off the side of the bed.

"I mean, you don't have to," Richie says carefully, not being able to read the situation as clearly as he would like. He would really rather Stan stay with him, but he doesn't want to make the boy uncomfortable. He's still surprised that Stan was not only willing, but volunteered to sleep in the same bed as him to begin with. He hopes he's not reading too much into this. 

"No?" Stan asks uncertainly.

"Nah. You're already comfortable, why put yourself through that? Just stay with me and we can cuddle up nice and snug," He jokes, but there is a hint of seriousness in his tone as well. 

"Okay. Well, I'll just here then," Stan says with a hint of a smile.

"Okay, yea. Cool," Richie lamely nods his head, but he doesn't move from where he's still perched on the side of the bed. It's a lot more awkward than it was the first time because now they're staying in the same bed because they want to, not because they need to.

Richie finally gets up and walks over to turn off the offending light, and Stan can somewhat see his silhouette as he walks back to the bed. With a little bit of squirming and maneuvering, they manage to get back in the same position as before but it's tense now. 

They're both stiff and Stan is almost sure that Richie's holding his breath slightly. Finally, after a few minutes of quiet, they both become too tired to hold back from relaxing into each other.

~~~

Stan wakes up a couple hours before sunrise with a small gasp. 

His face is flushed and his breathing is slightly sped up. There's sweat on his brow, but it's not from being under the covers and pressed into a living furnace like one would first believe. 

Fuck, he can't believe the dream he just had. The memory of hands and lips on him burns hot and so do the places that those things were on. The feeling of Richie pressed against him isn't doing anything to help his problem. He can feel his situation pressing into Richie's side and he's never been so grateful for how deep Richie's sleeping is.

He swallows as he tries to discreetly move to his other side so that his back is facing Richie, but Richie must be in tune with him even when unconscious because he moves when Stan does and now he's spooning Stan from behind. Which means Richie's groin is pressing into him in all the right and wrong places. 

He's never had a dream like that. All this time he's been more worried about not even looking a guy in the eyes to ever consider having sex with one. 

But if it feels as good as what happened in his dream...

And he knows Richie has already had sex. He's had it quite a few time if his stories are true. He must expecting Stan to put out sometime in the future or else, why would he be interested in dating Stan? He knows that Richie would never pressure him into doing anything he didn't want...but if he did want it, then that would be another story, right? 

And just the thought of Richie's mouth on places that no one has ever touched has Stan's skin tingling. His thoughts are doing nothing to calm him down but with a final determination to come out of the night with at least a few hours of sleep, he forces himself to close his eyes and focus on Richie's breathing. 

Thankfully, his problem is gone by the time he wakes up the next morning.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is dedicated to Kai because IT'S THEIR BIRTHDAY TODAY !!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY BABY I HOPE YOU HAD A GOOD ONE AND THANK YOU FOR ALWAYS HYPING UP MY WRITING I LOVE YOU also I hope that you appreciate me for awakening Stan's next to non-existent sex drive #letstangetdicked2018


	18. Chapter 18

There are two weeks left in the semester and Stan is stressed out about his finals and he's dreading having to go back home. Since nothing happened the last time he went on break, he's hopeful for a similar experience. He hasn't talked to Rabbi Harlow since the week before school started and he prays that he'll never have to again. Maybe his parents finally believe he's successfully "prayed the gay away".

It's the beginning of December and while others are excited about Christmas coming up, Stan is preparing to celebrate Hanukkah on his own for the first time. The break between semesters doesn't start until later in the month and the dates of his Jewish holiday fall just a couple weeks before classes end. 

On the first day, he doesn't mention anything to Richie. He goes to synagogue after his morning classes and then he comes back to the dorm. 

His parents gave him a candelabrum to light on his own and when he gets to the room, he pulls it out of the closet and sets it on the windowsill of the only window in the room. He goes to Richie's desk to look for an abandoned lighter, but just as he's about to pull out one of drawers, Richie walks in. 

Stan freezes, realizing what it must look like with him going through Richie's desk. Richie raises an eyebrow at him, but there's a smirk on his lips.

"Looking for something, Stanny?" He jokes as he approaches the desk to pull the drawer the rest of the way out. In it are a bunch of drawing pencils and random scraps of paper. Stan grimaces at the sight of pure disorganization and closes the drawer again. 

"I was hoping you would have a lighter laying around. Sorry, I should of asked," Stan mumbles, turning around. He stills when a hand reaches out to grab his waist and he's being pulled flushed against Richie's chest. His sharp intake of breath doesn't go unnoticed by Richie who just showcases an interested look. 

"Hey, I have no problem with you going through my stuff. You're just going to find mostly junk anyway," Richie chuckles before gently moving a curl away from Stan's eyes. They stare for a moment too long, both feeling the intensity behind the gazes but neither sure how to initiate anything.

"What were you needing a lighter for, baby?" Richie asks in a super sweet tone that's definitely making Stan's knees weak. 

"Oh!" Stan gasps, returning back to what he was planning on doing to begin with. " I need to light the first candle," he says, gesturing to the Hanukiah. Richie frowns, feeling a little confused, but realization dawns on his face. 

"Is today the first day of Hanukkah?" He asks interestedly as he reaches into his back pocket and pulls out a small black lighter. He hands it to Stan with a small kiss on his temple. Stan smiles and nods his head as walks back over to the windowsill.

He tries to flick the lighter on a couple times, but there must be a draft because he can't get the flame to last long enough for him to light the shamash candle. It's when he his thumb gets too close to the flame and he snatches his hand back while dropping the lighter that Richie approaches him again. He fondly chuckles as he picks up the lighter and takes Stan's hand in his own and raises it to press a loving kiss to the burnt digit. His lips stay on Stan's skin longer than needed for a healing kiss and Stan is starting to feel warm in different places now. Ever since that dream, he hasn't been able to get the thought out of his head.

"Here let me," Richie says as he pulls away and moves to get behind Stan. He wraps his arms around the boy's torso and Stan hold his breath as Richie guides his hands to successfully use the lighter and light the shamash. Then together, they move to light the very first candle to symbolize the start of the Jewish holiday. They stand there, watching the flame, memorized by it's simple beauty. 

Stan eventually feels the impulse to turn in Richie's arm and Richie reads his movements, as he's ducking in for a kiss the same moment Stan tilts his head back.

He hears Richie toss the lighter somewhere before hands are on the small of his back, just above the curve of his ass.

"Richie," he whispers, pulling away, hoping that what he wants is clear without him having to say it out loud.

"Wait, hold on, I need to do somethin," Richie says suddenly and Stan feels slightly annoyed disheartened when Richie walks away from him and towards his closet. He rummages around before pulling out a glass frame. Stan frowns and tries to get a good look on what's inside the glass, but Richie keeps it angled to where he can't see.

With one hand, he guides Stan to his own bed and encourages him to sit down as Richie sits down next to him, still not revealing the contents in the frame. 

"Okay, so I know you don't celebrate Christmas and that Hanukkah isn't really about giving gifts, but I read that small ones were okay and I just really wanted to give you something because you're so special and you mean a lot to me and-" 

"Richie, it's okay," Stan laughs breathlessly as Richie rambles. Richie blushes and he gives him a cheeky smile and this time he speaks slower as he continues his explanation. 

"I wasn't sure when the first day was, but I've had this ready since Thanksgiving to make sure I wouldn't be late giving it to you," he speaks softly and hands the mystery frame to Stan.

Stan lets out a small gasp when he sees what's inside. It's a drawing of him and Richie, cuddled on Bill's couch. He knows exactly what picture this is. Ben took it of them before they had ever even gotten together and at the time, Stan had freaked out when he saw it, but now it holds a special place in his heart and in his camera roll.

It looks so good and so realistic that Stan is almost tempted to bring it closer to his eyes to make sure that Richie didn't just print the picture out and frame it.

But no, there are a few noticeable pencil marks and right in the bottom right hand corner is Richie's signature; a chicken scratch name that is almost unreadable if you don't know who Richie Tozier is.

"It's beautiful," Stan whispers, not able to take his eyes of it until he looks over at Richie. Richie must have been sitting there waiting for a reaction because as soon as Stan expresses his opinion, his face relaxes into a huge grin.

"Yea?" 

"I love it so much, Richie, thank you," Stan says and reaches out to pull Richie into a tight hug.

When they begin to pull away, the same feeling of intensity and tension enters again and it's seconds later that Richie has Stan underneath him and is pressing kisses along his jawline.

"Richie, please," Stan whispers when Richie bites down a little harder on a place right below his ear. He's nervous and riled up and he knows later he'll be worried about the outcome of this situation, but right now, all he can feel is deep desire in his gut. He wants this, right now, and if he doesn't get it, he thinks he'll cry.

"What is it, Stanley? What do you want?" Richie whispers huskily as he leans down to press a kiss on one of Stan's uncovered collarbones. 

"Please, I-" Stan doesn't know how to admit or ask for what he wants, he just wants Richie to know.

And Richie must be a pretty damn good mind reader because his next question is, "Do you want me to make you feel good, baby?" 

And Stan is pretty sure his soul just left his body.

He lets out a small whine but nods his head nonetheless. 

"I need to hear you say it, Stan," Richie explains seriously, taking a break from sucking hickeys into Stan's skin to look him in the eye and make sure they're both on the same page.

Stan pants as he meets Richie's eyes as he whispers, "Please, Richie. I want it."

"Holy shit. Okay," Richie widens his eyes and nods his head. He can't believe this is happening. He's wanted to do this for so long and he never thought he would be able to anytime soo.

He goes back to pressing small open-mouthed kisses on Stan's neck and collarbones, but this time, his fingers are up there too, slowly undoing the buttons on Stan's shirt. Stan lets out a shaky breath as more and more skin is revealed. Once his whole torso is on display, he feels the sudden urge to hide away. He's never had a reason to feel insecure of his body, having always been taught that he was God's creation which makes him perfect. But with his boyfriend's intense gaze on his chest and stomach, he thinks about how scrawny he looks at certain angles, that there's a pimple almost in the exact center of his chest, that there's a birthmark, darker than the rest of his skin that's the size of a quarter on his left hip. The exact birthmark that Richie zeroes in on as he pulls back to admire how beautiful his boy's body is.

"Jesus, you're perfect," Richie says before moving to bite the mark, leaving his own in it's place.

Just that one sentence and the look in Richie's eyes are enough to make Stan feel silly about the sudden onslaught of insecurity he just had.

He tenses when Richie's hand slowly reach for his belt. Richie pauses his movements.

"Stan?" He asks, patiently waiting to see if the boy wants to stop.

"Sorry, I've just never- I don't know what to do," Stan stutters, his whole face red with the color going spreading its way across his chest.

"You don't have to do anything, sweetheart. I just want you to relax so I can work my magic on ya, okay? Is that alright?" Richie says sweetly. 

"O-oh, yea, that's...I can do that," Stan says before laying his head back down on the pillow underneath it.

Richie inhales sharply in amusement, but his serious demeanor returns when he starts to undo Stan's belt again. Stan's breathing is starting pick up, but there is no complaint. He goes to unbutton Stan's trousers and his mouth runs dry when he catches sight of Stan in just his briefs and it's leaving very little to the imagination as there's a tent in the front that's been there for a few minutes. He throws the offending garment out of his reach and is about to slip his fingers into the waistband of the underwear before a hand is reaching down to stop him.

"W-wait, can you- I mean, do you mind- I just don't want it be just me," Stan gets out, pulling on Richie t-shirt that is still on. Richie immediately understands what he's requesting. 

"Of course, Staniel," he says before pulling away to reach down and pull his own shirt off, along with his jeans. He's down to his briefs just like Stan and he can't help but a feel a little smug when Stan looks at him in awe. Stan boldly reaches up without thinking and slowly runs his palm down Richie's chest, accidently scratching with his nails slightly and making Richie shiver. With a start, Stan realizes what's he's doing and immediately retracts his hand. He swallows and meets Richie's eyes before laying back down and nodding his head for him to continue.

It's Richie's turn to let out a shaky breath and he trails his fingertips up Stan's calf and along the outside of his thigh to let him anticipate what's about to come.

When Richie finally pulls off the last article of clothing, he's in awe. Stan is the most magnificent piece of art he's ever seen, but when he goes to tell him that, he finds Stan with an arm over his eyes, hiding himself in embarrassment. 

"Hey, don't do that, I want to see you," Richie coos as he gently pries Stan's arm away. He covers Stan's body with his own as he leans down to whisper dirty secrets in his ear, feeling the boy begin to squirm underneath him. When he pulls back, Stan looks like a mess and Richie loves that he's been able to do that without even touching Stan first.

"You're absolutely stunning, Stanley. The most beautiful boy I've ever met by far," he praises as moves down Stan's body, so that his head is even with the boy's crotch.

"Richie," Stan gasps, not needing it to be explained what's about to happen. He's got a pretty good idea from where Richie has relocated himself.

"My good boy, can I touch you?" Richie asks, making sure Stan still has the opportunity to back out if he's feeling overwhelmed.

"Please," Stan whimpers, feeling so worked up and he's been fully hard for ages now. 

Richie hums before gently taking a hold of Stan's cock and giving him a few dry strokes so he can get used to the feeling of someone touching him. Stan lets out a sharp gasp and his back is arching slightly off the bed.

After a couple moments, Richie leans down to start pressing kisses to Stan's base to his tip. When he reaches it, he lets his tongue out to swirl around the tip before finally taking the boy completely into his mouth. He glances up from where he's at to see Stan's reaction as he's only head a few gasps and a couple whimpers.

Stan has one hand fisting the sheets tightly in one hand and he's biting the knuckles on his other in an attempt to keep his sounds in. His eyes are squeezed shut.

"Baby boy, you can touch me if you want," Richie encourages. "I'd really love to hear your beautiful sounds too."

Shakily, Stan pulls than hand that was in his mouth away and Richie takes it in his own to press a brief kiss to the teeth marks. 

"I really wish my boy would stop hurting himself," he says softly, just glancing up in Stan's direction. Stan swallows but doesn't say anything as he watches Richie lower himself back down again.

This time he has nothing to stop the moan that slips from his mouth when Richie puts his mouth back to use. The hand that had been previously in his mouth quickly finds a way into Richie's hair. When Richie groans around his cock from the hair pulling, Stan responds with his own. His head is thrown back and his mouth is open in a silent scream as Richie begins to hallow his cheeks around him.

They both know he isn't going to last long since this is his first time and he hasn't built up any stamina yet. But his orgasm reaches him quite abruptly when Richie reaches up a hand to pump what his mouth doesn't reach and the other to slowly massage Stan's balls. 

Stan can't describe the feeling as anything less than euphoric. It starts in his toes and travels throughout his whole body as he releases himself into Richie's mouth with Richie's encouragement. 

When it's over, he feels completely spent and unable to move his limbs. The aftershocks are still rolling through his body and he can hear Richie rustling around from where he's at on the bed, but he has no strength left in his body to look down to see what he's doing. 

A few seconds later, Richie is pulling him into his arms and is whispering sweet nothings into his hair as he holds him and gently pets whatever part of Stan's body he can reach. Stan takes notice that Richie is completely naked now too, but the thought brings comfort, not embarrassment. He's just about to drift off when he realizes that he didn't take care of Richie.

"What about you? Are you..." Stan implies, shifting to see if Richie is still hard like he was a few minutes ago. 

Richie stops his moving with a firm hand and chuckles, "Don't worry about me, Stanny. I took care of it, just want you to relax and go to sleep now."

And so Stan does, with a content smile on his face.

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was a little longer than usual and it's pretty much just smut, but I figured I'd better give you guys a treat before I make our boys suffer(:


	19. Chapter 19

"R-Richie, are you sure? You know you're w-welcome to come s-stay with us," Bill frowns. They're all sitting in Bill and Eddie's living room, discussing their plans for the holiday break, It's the first time they're learning that Richie plans to stay on campus this year. For the whole month.

Stan is tucked under Richie's arm and he can't help but feel a little upset about the idea of Richie being here by himself. 

If only he had the guts to tell his parents that he didn't want to come home either. 

"Nah, Big Bill, you've already got enough guests that you're lending your house to," Richie says. They can all tell he's trying to act indifferent, but they all know that he's hurt. Because it's not just that Richie doesn't want to go home, But there's no way he's going home to an empty house, which is what would welcome him as his parents have decided to spend Christmas in Guatemala. They leave out the day before Richie is supposed to come home and come back four days before he's due to come back for the spring semester. 

"It's just m-my aunt and her family. A-and they're only staying C-Christmas eve. C'mon, Rich, you know there's plenty of room. It's really not a big d-deal," Bill continues to try to convince Richie to stay with him,

They're all looking troubled at this problem. All of them (except Stan) have offered a place for Richie to stay, but they know it's no use, Richie has made up his mind.

"It's fine, Bill. There's plenty to do here during the holidays. Who could ever actually be alone in a big city?" He jokes and they all cringe. 

Stan silently takes Richie's hand and squeezes it. Richie looks over and their eyes meet for a few seconds before Richie gives him a sad smile. 

 ~~~

"Why won't you stay with Bill?" Stan asks when they get back to their dorm. He sheds his coat and takes off his shoes, mirroring Richie.

Richie sighs and takes Stan hand to leads him to where he's sitting on the edge of the bed. Stan easily follows and he climbs into Richie's lap so that he's straddling him, and they're pressed tightly together. He runs his hands through Richie's hair, pushing it back from his face and staring intently into his eyes, so Richie has no motivation to tell a lie. Richie keeps his hands on Stan's hips, keeping him from squirming too much.

"Baby, it's just not fair. Eddie's already going to be there the whole time, and I don't want to crowd my way into his house. Christmas is a family holiday, he needs to spend it with his family," Richie explain softly, smiling when Stan gently takes off his glasses and sets them on the his nightstand. 

"I just hate the idea of you being here all by yourself. Especially since it's for a month," Stan says and burrows himself into the crook of Richie's neck. One more week and he won't get to do this for a month. He almost can't process that. 

"Hmmm, not totally alone, a couple of my friends from Genesis are staying here too. I'll be okay Stanny," Richie says and he falls back onto the bed, bringing Stan along with him. Stan's face turns a gorgeous shade of red when their bodies become flushed against each other. He pulls back to where he's just sitting on top of Richie's thighs and not basically lying on top of him. His face is burning and he suddenly can't meet Richie's eyes as thoughts come forward that he's been trying to avoid. 

It's not that he regrets what happened. Not at all. In fact, he often daydreams about it, and since he's been sleeping in Richie's bed for awhile now, he almost always wakes up in the middle of the night from a problem he thought he wouldn't have to face once he got through puberty. Leave it Richie Tozier to awaken his sex drive. But there's just been something...off about the way Stan feels about what happened. His whole life, he's been taught that sex before marriage is sinful and that he should save himself for marriage. But he was also told not to love a man like he would a woman and he's obviously failed at that commandment. 

Would it make things worse if he decided to have sex with Richie? Would this just be added to the list of things he's done wrong that will eventually come back to bite him?

But then again, being with Richie doesn't feel wrong. In fact, being with Richie has been the only time anything about him has felt right. 

When he does look back down at Richie, the boy's got his arms resting comfortable behind his head as he watches Stan go through a whole monologue in his head. 

"Whatcha thinking about, cutie?" Richie teases when it's clear that Stan's attention is back on him. 

"You," Stan immediately says, but both his and Richie's eyes widen at the admission. He had definitely not meant for that to slip out. Richie's surprised look quickly turns into a smug smirk. 

"Yea? What about me?" Richie grins and his hands move to slowly rub up and down Stan's jean covered thighs. 

"Richie..." Stan whispers, and then he finds the courage to lean down and press his lips into Richie's. Richie seems absolutely ecstatic about Stan's sudden confidence and eagerly responds back into the kiss. 

 After a few minutes of this, Richie takes control and rolls them over so that Stan is now under him. He covers Stan's body with his own and presses the boy down into the mattress. Stan lets out a gasp when Richie starts to roll his hips down so that he's grinding into Stan's crotch. Stan lets out a huff of a breath and breaks away from the kiss to catch his breath. Richie seem undeterred and just moves his lips to trail down Stan's neck. His hips never lose rhythm as he grinds down and Stan's head is starting to become dizzy. 

Richie's hands move from Stan's hips to start undoing the buttons on the front of his shirt and Stan lets him. His skin is burning where Richie touches it. He helps by sitting up enough that Richie can push the cloth off his shoulders. He goes pliant again when Richie's lips attach to skin again. His jeans have become incredibly tight to the point of almost discomfort. 

He looks down when Richie's head started to lower down and there's a trail wet spots down his torso that follows Richie's head. Just the sight of it makes a shot of arousal shoot through him.

But when Richie's hands go to undo the buttons on his jeans, he panics.

"W-wait, Richie, stop," he requests. Richie immediately springs off of him and if Stan wasn't so conflicted with what is going on, he would have found the wide eyed look on Richie's face comical. 

"What's wrong? Did I hurt you?" Richie comes closer again, this time checking for any injury that he might have caused. Stan lets out a shaky breath and his exposed chest and stomach is making him feel self conscious all of a sudden. He feels his arms wrap around himself out of habit and Richie frowns at the action. 

"C'mon, Stanny, talk to me. I can't fix it if you don't tell me what's wrong," Richie says softly, rubbing Stan's upper arms as a way to stay in physical contact with him without stressing him out. 

"You shouldn't have to fix it," Stan mumbles, looking over Richie's shoulder and not meeting his eyes. 

"Stan, please. You're making me worried," Richie says. 

Stan finally looks over at him and he does look really worried. He's now sitting on the edge of the bed with Stan, who is still shirtless, with a dying hard on. 

"I just...I don't think I want to have sex yet," Stan whispers, and he doesn't know why he suddenly feels like crying. He's being so lame and Richie is going to get so bored of him and break up with him and-

"What? Stanley, baby, if I've ever made you feel like you have to have sex with me, I'm so sorry," Richie says sincerely, gently turning Stan's face to look him in they eyes. After some hesitation, he continues.

"You didn't let me blow you because you thought it's what I wanted, right?" He asks slowly and Stan swears that Richie looks a little sick and scared. 

"No! No, no, I wanted to, promise. I'm glad that we did...that," He assures, taking Richie's hand. And he is. The moment had been intimate and Stan feels like it's brought them even closer together. This conversation isn't going how he had planned at all. Some of the tension leaves Richie's shoulders and he lets out a small relieved sigh. He squeezes Stan's hand back before bringing it up to his lips and pressing a kiss to his knuckles. 

"Good. I couldn't live with myself if I had made you feel pressured into letting me do that for you," Richie says and he starts to move them, apparently deciding that this conversation can continue with them cuddled up on the bed. 

Stan follows and he lays back against Richie's chest, deciding that not having to look at Richie might make him open up more. Richie's arm come to wrap across his chest from behind and Stan grabs a hand to play with Richie's fingers.

"What's going on, Stanny, hm? What's going through that head of yours?" Richie asks softly.

Stan hums and it's quiet for a few minutes before he speaks. 

"You know that having sex before marriage is looked down on, right?" He hates saying it out loud and he hates saying it to Richie. Richie take a couple moments to respond. 

"I mean, I've heard that, yea. But I'm not exactly the most religious, Staniel. It's going to take more than someone telling me something's a sin to stop me from doing it," he admits. But at Stan's silence, he quickly clarifies, "But if that does stop you, then there's nothing wrong with that. You have the right to believe what you want; I'm not going to try and change your mind."

Stan nods in understanding, but he doesn't feel like they're done yet. 

Right on cue, Richie asks, "Is that what you've been thinking about here lately?" He can feel Richie's breath on the back of his neck and he fights the urge to squirm. 

"Sometimes I just get so confused on what I believe is wrong or right, I mean, when I came here, I was convinced that being gay was almost as bad as killing someone, and now I have a boyfriend," He jokes and Richie lets out a small breath of laughter but they both know the joke fell flat. 

"Well, there’s no rush. Seriously, even if you decide what you think is wrong or right, there is absolutely no pressure to do anything, okay?” Richie says and starts to run his fingers through Stan’s hair.

“Okay,” Stan whispers and buried himself into Richie's chest, burying himself into his neck.

 ~~~

Stan lets out a breath and watches the steam from his mouth and floats up into the air. He and Richie are walking down an outside mall strip, browsing through the different shops. It's crowded and there's a small layer of snow that's present where people don't walk. There are a lot of Christmas themed displays in all the windows. Stan remembers when he was younger, and how he hated seeing everyone celebrate a holiday he didn't believe in. Now that he's older, he doesn't hate it. He can appreciate the beauty of the figurines and the way everyone suddenly acted a lot more kind and giving.  Plus, those Christmas carols are pretty catchy. 

Richie gently tugs the bottom of his coat and Stan turns to follow him into a shop he doesn't catch the name of. 

There are Christmas knick-knacks and bundles of wrapping paper along with all kinds of candy towards the front of the shop which mirrors every other shop they've gone in. But Richie walks right past them and Stan follows him to the back of the store. 

It becomes pretty clear that the store is one for creative thinkers because all different kinds of art supplies, journals, and crafting books line the aisles. Although it looks nothing like a name brand craft store. As they get further into the store, the noises of people talking and the bells ringing from salvation arm Santa's fade away. The atmosphere changes to something calm and warm and Stan is really glad Richie pulled them into this store. 

Richie seems to be lost in his own little world, eyes not leaving the shelves in front of him. While Stan is really not that interested in the drawing supplies displayed, Richie seems utterly enamored. 

They haven't bought anything on this shopping trip, mostly just doing it to past the time and be together, but now, Stan fights the urge to buy everything in this store for his boyfriend. 

He watches as Richie reaches out to slowly drag his fingers down the front of a sketchbook. It's faded brown and is looks like it's styled to look really old. There a leather wrap that goes around the covers to keep it shut when not in use. Richie doesn't even bother to flip it over to check the price of it. Overpriced is a theme that Stan has caught on to when he was looking a few of the other items, but he can't blame the store when they have such big competitors.

They walk around a little more, but Stan doesn't miss the way Richie's eyes keep being drawn to that book. He never says anything about it and must not expect Stan to even be paying attention because they're walking out empty handed. They continue making their way down the shopping strip, but Stan can't keep his mind off of the way Richie looked at that book. 

Which is why he goes back and purchases it the next day. 

 

 


	20. Chapter 20

Like déjà vu, it's the day after break has started and Stan is in a frenzy to make sure their room doesn't give anything away about their lifestyle. Richie has sat on his bed and watched him for the most part, only helping when Stan has requested him to take down the things on his wall. He still has the rainbow flag over his lap.

Once Stan has decided that he's done all he needed, he stops and slowly spins in a circle in the middle of the room. When he comes back around, he meets Richie's eyes and lets out a sad sigh. 

A whole month without Richie. A whole month with his parents. 

Literally nothing could sound worse. 

Richie wordlessly opens his arms and, like clockwork, Stan falls into them gratefully. He climbs up into the bed and he basically becomes a ball with how small he curls up. He sees the flag and reaches out to softly feel it between his fingers. It becomes a distraction, as does Richie's hands in his hair. He wants to stay here forever. 

He can't place it, but he feels like something isn't right and it's making him very nervous as the clock gets closer to the time his parents are supposed to be here. 

Richie places a kiss against his temple and Stan hums. They stay there for while, cautiously watching the time and pulling apart when they think it's too close to when Stan's parents will be there. 

Stan stands up and does another double check to make sure he has everything. He can hear Richie getting up and he smiles when he feels the boy come stand behind him. Long arms appear in his peripherals before they're wrapping around him and puling him into a one sided hug, Richie lay his head on his shoulder and mumbles, "I'm going to miss you, baby."

Stan would have never thought he'd cry when he had to go home for a break from school, but hearing Richie say those words have caused water to collect in his eyes and a lump to form his throat. He sniffles and Richie is immediately spinning him around in concern. 

"Hey, no, don't cry. Shit, Stan, you can't do this," Richie says a little frantically, reaching up to wipe away a fallen tear with his thumb. 

"I can't help it; I don't want to go. I'm going to miss you so much," Stan says and he's holding onto Richie so tightly now. 

 Richie hums and just hugs him in response. He gently cups Stan's face and nudges for him to lean his head back. Stan complies and meets Richie's lips enthusiastically. Once the kiss has started, Richie's hands travel down to grip at his hips and pull him to where there is absolutely no space between them. Stan has his arms locked together behind Richie's neck, comfortably running his fingers through the baby hairs at the area where Richie's hair ends and his neck begins. 

Just as Stan lets out a content sigh into the kiss, there is a brief knock and the door is opening.

Stan and Richie spring apart to where they're a couple feet away from each other as Stan's parents come into view. His mother freezes when she sees them and his father hasn't stopped blinked since he entered. No, his stare is hard. Stan tries to compose himself, to try and act like nothing happened in hopes that they didn't actually see anything. He turns around and pretends to shuffle through his bag, but it's mostly to stall time so that the redness in his cheeks or the swollenness of his lips would go away. It's been dead quiet in the room and he feels like crying. 

He's pretty sure that they didn't actually see him kissing Richie, but he knows that they must suspect something was happening because of the way they acted and looked when they came in. 

When he finally thinks he can face his parents, they haven't moved from where they were standing when they came in. Neither of them are looking at him, Richie, however, hasn't taken his eyes off him, trying to gauge what to do in this awkward situation. He meets Richie's eye and presses his lips together in a parting half-smile, even though it's the last thing he wants to do. 

How could he be so stupid? 

He knew they were coming at anytime and, yet, he allowed himself to get carried away in his goodbye kiss with Richie. He had feared for this winter break before this had even happened, but now he's terrified. What will they do if they think he's given into temptation?

His father exits swiftly and silently. Stan flinches when the door slams behind him. His mother, who still won't meet his eyes, finally speaks. 

"Let's get you to the car, Stanley. It's time to come home," She says and it's almost so quiet that he doesn't hear it. Something about the way she says it makes Stan's blood run cold. 

Surely she just means for the break. He's coming back. He has to.

Stan hesitantly picks up his suitcase, follows his mother,  and casts one last glance at where Richie is still standing on his side of the room. The door closes behind him.

When they exit the dorm hall, Stan can see that his father is already in the car. He's on the phone.

They approach the running car and put Stan's things in the trunk. It's already warm when Stan climbs into the backseat. His parents sit in the front and it's still dead silent. They take off without saying a word and the only time the silence is interrupted, is when Stan's phone goes off as he gets a text message. 

"Are you okay? What's going on?" It's a text from Richie, but before he can even respond, his mother is turning around and gently taking the phone from his hand. 

"I think we should have a talk, Stanley. You can have this back later," She says and turns back around. She doesn't look at the screen and he counts the seconds until his phone automatically locks to where she can't access it without his pass code.

He waits for one of them to start talking, to start yelling at him for being with a boy. But there is still no sound from either of them. 

He tries to act calm, but his hands are shaking and he can't unswallow this lump in his throat. He has no idea what to expect when he gets home. 

He knows they must be pissed off or disappointed or anything, but he's never been able to tell their emotions. They both sit still and straight, not even looking at each other. 

As they get farther into the car ride, he resorts to leaning his head against the window, watching as the snow covered cities and towns pass by. He doesn't allow himself to think about what could possibly be waiting for him when he gets back because it makes him feel sick. Instead, he thinks about Richie and what he would be doing right now. Stan hates that he's probably worrying about his lack of response, but there is absolutely no way he's asking for his phone back. 

He thinks about the sketchbook he bought for him and how it's under his pillow in the dorm. He doesn't worry about Richie finding it because he knows that Richie would never touch his things without asking. 

He wants to go back to just yesterday, when they were snuggled up together in bed all day, staying out of the cold and warm in Richie's bed. They had only left to get something to eat periodically, or to use the bathroom. It was one of the most relaxing days in Stan's life. 

Now, though, he is a ball of pure anxiety, too scared to even look up without there being some kind of consequence he doesn't know about yet. 

He just hopes Richie will be okay for the whole month he's away. 

He just hopes Richie will be okay if he never comes back. 

~~~

"I don't know, Bill, he's not answering!" Richie says panickedly into the phone with the brunette leader. He's only been brave enough to send three texts to Stan's phone and not one of them has been answered. Stan left almost two hours ago, which means he should almost be home, but that doesn't explain his unresponsiveness. 

Stan always answers his phone. Richie also knows that Stan had charged it up to the moment he left to make sure he would have enough battery for the car ride, so a dead battery is not even an option. 

If he's being honest, Richie is terrified for Stan. He has no idea what his parents saw or what they think they saw, and he has no idea how they will react. 

Stan has told him some stories about their ideologies, but anytime the subject had come up, Stan had shut it down pretty quickly.

With Stan not answering, it has caused him to think the worst. 

"Calm down, Richie, you're not doing any good by freaking out," Bill says in his leader voice, the one that is unwavering and has no stutter. When Richie lets out a long breath, Bill continues. 

"Now, what do you think they saw?"

"I honestly have no clue, they walked in when we kissing, but I don't think they actually saw that part. But they acted like they knew and his dad got mad and left," Richie explains. 

Bill hums and there's a brief moment of silence on both ends. 

"I don't think there's anything you can do, Richie," He says quietly. 

"What do you mean nothing-" Richie starts to argue loudly, but Bill speaks over him.

"Look, he's not answering his phone, which either means he's in the middle of something like, I don't know, talking to them, or they have it. Either way, Stan isn't going to answer you until he can, so there's no point in blowing up his phone. In fact, you might catch the attention of his parents if they have it and you know that will be bad for Stan. You have no idea where he lives, or how else to contact him, so the only thing you can do, is wait. I know it sucks, and I know that you want to help, but I'm telling you, you're just going to have to wait until Stan contacts you," Bill says finally. His voice is strong and unyielding to usual stutter. Which means he means business. 

Richie slumps onto his bed, and closes his eyes. He feels really defeated and useless, but he knows Bill is right. That's why he called him. 

"It's going to be okay, Rich. A-are you sure you don't want t-to come with us?" Bill asks sympathetically after hearing Richie's silence. He and Eddie are due to leave tomorrow morning.

"No, it's okay, Big Bill. You guys have fun. I'll let you know if I hear anything from Stan," Richie responds. 

They say their goodbyes and Richie hangs up and flings his phone down onto the mattress next to him. 

If he's being honest, he would love to go to someone's house. He knows this is going to be a long four weeks. He was lying when he said that he had friends to hang out with from the lgbtq+  club. He is friendly with a lot of people, but he doesn't know any of them enough to actually hang out with them. 

He runs his hands down his face and lays back on his bed. He wishes he could travel back in time.


	21. Chapter 21

 

Almost a week has passed and Stan hasn't heard a word from either of his parents. They don't call him for dinner, so he's been mostly sneaking around the house to grab stuff to eat and use the bathroom without having to face them. He ran into his father once when he was leaving the bathroom, but his father had acted like he hadn't even seen him. It hurt, but Stan would rather face the cold shoulder and silent treatment than other punishments. 

He goes back into hiding, which is what he calls it now, but it's really just his bedroom. 

When he enters, he tiredly lays down on his bed. Normally, with all this free time, he would be taking advantage of it and getting all the sleep he could, but he's finding it harder and harder to sleep without Richie. 

He misses Richie so much. 

With his phone being taken away, he hasn't contact with anybody for as long as he's been home. The feeling of being completely alone after months of finally having friends and ever attentive boyfriend is causing him to fall into a small depression. He desperately wants to find a way to get back to Richie, who must be alone despite what he's said about having friends, but he has no way to. 

His parents must have turned off their wi-fi while he was gone because he is unable to connect when he tries to get on his computer. It's not like he could do much even if he did have access, but it would have been a better way to spend his days. It's barely been a week. and he's already going crazy. 

It's getting to the point where he's ready to go down and confront his parents, but every time he even steps towards his bedroom door, his heart drops and he almost has a panic attack. 

It's been an ongoing battle. 

The natural lighting from the window gets darker earlier and earlier as the winter passes, and the gloominess of the constantly cloudy sky reflects his mood.

As the days have gone by, he's found it harder and harder to find motivation to do anything except lay on his bed, and let the sky decide when it's time to get dark and pass out for the night. 

~~~

"Stanley, will you come down here?" 

Stan freezes when he hears his mother's voice after a whole week of silence. His heart starts to pound and he feels ill. He was on his way back from the restroom and his mother must have caught sight of him when she called. 

He slowly turns around and walks down the stairs. 

Pure anxiety courses through his veins as his mother and then his father come into sight the further he gets down the stairs. But then a third person's legs come into view, and he doesn't have to see who it is because he already knows. What he's been dreading all week is finally here. 

~~~

Richie sighs as he walks down the sidewalk of a busy neighborhood, his hands stuffed into his pocket to keep them out of the cold. He has a lit cigarette in his mouth, but the thought of Stan seeing him smoking has him barely puffing it. He sees a head of curly hair and immediately yanks it out and tosses it on to the ground before he realizes that it's not Stan. He's not that upset about the lost cigarette. It was starting to make him feel sick anyway. 

He digs out his phone to check the time, and to see if he has any texts. It's starting to become a habit every couple minutes, but he can't help it. It's been a week since Stan went home and there still hasn't been any word from him. Richie has allowed himself to send two more texts, but he's become too paranoid to send any more. 

One on hand, he hopes that his paranoia is uncalled for and that Stan is just too busy doing Stan things to respond. Maybe he dropped his phone and broke it and he's waiting to get it fixed. Maybe he forgot to pay his phone bill and just haven't realized it yet. Richie has gone over all of this multiple times, trying to think of a good reason that Stan wouldn't answer, but he has a bad feeling in his gut about it. 

Because Stan had gone home for Thanksgiving break and had texted him every single day and almost every single minute. Of course, Stan could have dropped his phone, but Richie can't imagine it taking this long to get a new one. Plus, he would've had to have dropped it the moment he left the dorm and that just doesn't seem likely. And Stan turns in homework weeks early, there is absolutely no way he forgot to pay a phone bill. 

No, Richie knows that there's something up, but he can't figure out what it is. 

He knows that Stan has had trouble with his parents and their ideas of gay people, but surely they wouldn't do any actual harm to him. He still doesn't even know if they saw them when they were together. Maybe they did take Stan's phone, but it wasn't for the reason he thinks. 

However, as much as he tries to convince himself that these reasons are perfectly reasonable, they don't sit right with him. 

He sighs and turns to head back to the dorm. Seeing all of the families and couples out together, having fun and spending time together, is creating a feeling that he really doesn't like. 

~~~

"Stanley, come have a seat," That voice says when he freezes at his place on the stairs. It's the same voices he's been hearing for months now. The one that makes him feel sick and nervous and, if he's being honest, a little scared. He hears that voice in his dreams and when he has bad thoughts. He almost forgot that it belonged to a real person. 

He swallows, but he can't feel anything and he doesn't think he can move. His legs feel like they have weights that he cannot lift and the air must be getting really thick around him because he can't breathe. 

"Stanley. Come down here," His father demands and it's the first thing his father has said to him since break has started. The tone behind the demand is what put Stan's muscles back into gear and he walks down the rest of the stairs and towards his parents and Rabbi Harlow. 

His parents sit together on the couch, with the Rabbi sitting on an older rocking chair that they pull out for extra seating when they have guests over. Stan takes a seat across from him on a newer recliner. His leg starts to bounce anxiously and he can't stop wringing his hands. He doesn't look any of them in the eyes. 

"Stanley, I think we need to have a talk. Your parents have informed me that they fear your well-being while you're away," Rabbi Harlow starts. Stan frowns and glances at his parents, who are not looking at him at all. His mother's got her eyes on her shoes while his father is watching Rabbi Harlow. 

"Is there something you would like to tell us, Stan?" Rabbi Harlow's voice gains his attention back. His voice is soft, almost gentle, but Stan knows this trick. He's fallen for it before. It's caused him to admit things he would have never admitted to, but that soft voice has a way to make him feel guilty about things he's never even done. 

"I don't know what you're talking about," Stan shakes his head. There is little hope that he will be able to play dumb to get out of this, but that's not going to stop him from trying. 

Rabbi Harlow eyes narrow so slightly, Stan almost doesn't notice it. He nods and clears his throat, leaning back in his seat.

"I think your parents would disagree with that," rabbi Harlow says and Stan glances at them again. "In fact, I believe they both witnessed an act that we've been taught not to do, am I right?" He continues in an almost patronizing voice. 

"I-I don't know what you're talking about," Stan says again but his voices shakes and he curses himself. 

"I see," Rabbi Harlow says slowly and doesn't take his eyes off of Stan as he leans back in his seat. He then turns to Stan's parents and addresses them like he isn't even in the room. 

"I think that that school is becoming a bad influence. I thought Stanley would be able to overcome temptations, but I think it's too much for him. I think Stanley will thrive in a more secluded place to do his studies," Rabbi Harlow explains and Stan can literally feel his blood run cold. He doesn't want to do homeschooling anymore. He wants to go back to school with his friends. He wants Richie. 

"What action should we take?" His father asks, finally glancing at him. Stan doesn't like that look. 

"There's a private Jewish institution that excels in this kind of teaching. They run all year long and they help young men with their schoolwork and their faith. They have a great experience in dealing with boys that go through what Stan is going through..." The rabbi goes on about the "institution" while his parents listen eagerly, but Stan feels like he's going to throw up. He knows what's being implied. 

He watches as Rabbi Harlow reaches into a bag on his side and pulls out a couple pamphlets and hands them to his parents. He catches sight of the picture on the front. It captures a small group of boys, standing frozen next together. Their smiles are so obviously fake and Stan is starting to feel like he can't breathe. He hasn't realized it, but his nails have been digging into his palm for so long that when he makes himself unclench his fist, his hand tingles from the lack of blood flow. 

His mother finally looks at him since the first time he came down the stairs. 

"Stanley, go to your room. We'll be up to address this issue with you later," she says, but it's in a voice softer than she's ever used on him before. 

He nods his head numbly and he feels himself standing up and walking away, but he can't process anything. 

This is so much worse than homeschooling. 

He enters his room and draws a shaky breath before tears are streaming down his face. He feel like he can't breathe and his hands are shaking badly. 

He goes to sit on his bed, but he finds that it's impossible to sit still while his fate is being decided downstairs. By the time he hears his parents coming up the stairs, his tears have dried up, but he still feels nauseous. 

There is a knock on his door before they enter. His mother slowly approaches his bed and takes a seat on the side. His father stands with his arms crossed, nearer to the door. 

There is a moment of silence until his mother speaks. 

"We just want what's best for you, Stanley," She says.

"Please," He whispers as he shakes his head. "The university is what's best for me. I don't want to go to that institution, please."

Begging was not how he imagined he would try to get out of this, but as soon as he opened his mouth, it was pouring out. 

"Stanley, that's enough. You're sick, and this is the only way we can help you. You leave next Monday, so make sure you get your things organized," His father says in a hard voice before he exits the room. 

Stan squeezes his eyes as tears fall down his face. His mother watches him, but she doesn't say anything. After a few minutes, she stands and begins to follow her husband without offering any comfort except for, "Get some sleep,"

Stan doesn't know how long he cries or what time it is when he finally passes out. 

The next morning, Stan wakes up with a headache. His eyes are swollen and his nose is stuffed up. He remembers what was discusses last night and doesn't move almost the entire day. He's in shock. All of this has happened so fast and his emotions have been switching so fast, he doesn't really know how he feels. He's upset. He's mad. He's scared. 

But there is one thought that hasn't left his mind since his parents left his room last night. 

And it's that there is absolutely no way he is going to the institution. 


	22. Chapter 22

There are two days left until Stan is supposed to be on train to wherever the institution is located. His parents refuse to tell him anything about it so he's left to picture it using only his imagination. They still haven't given him his phone back and, even though he checks almost every hour, their internet has still not been turned on. 

He constantly thinks of ways to get in contact with Richie, but they don't have a home phone, and even if they did, Stan does not have Richie's number memorized. It almost feels like the whole world is conspiring against him. 

Like most of the break, Stan has taken to hiding away in his room to avoid his parents.

He knows he's lost weight because he refuses to come down and eat dinner with them now that they've decided that going on with their lives is the best form of action. His mother has tried to come up several times to persuade him to stop acting childish and that they are not the bad people in this situation, but Stan just turns his back on her from where he's laying down on his bed. His father has come up once to yell at him for being unreasonable and to grow up. His father's voice intimidates him more than his mother's but he holds strong and doesn't give him a reaction. 

After he ignores them another two times, his father finally screams out, "That's it! I have never been so disrespected in my life, and I refuse to be treated this way by my own son! You leave tomorrow night!" Before slamming his bedroom door shut. 

Stan feels the anxiety of his father's words hit him and before he can even process it, he's bolting out of bed to run to the bathroom where he throws up. Except he hasn't eaten in two days so he has nothing in his stomach. He gags into the toilet, but the pain in his stomach is nothing compared to the pain in his heart. 

He slowly stands up and flushes the toilet. He wipes his mouth and grabs his toothbrush to brush his teeth. He avoids catching his reflection because he knows he won't like what he sees. He hasn't showered since the day he was told he would be leaving and he doesn't want to see how greasy his hair looks, how dark his under eye circles are, how much weight he's lost. He knows it won't be pretty. 

When he's done brushing his teeth, he spits out the excess foam and keeps his eyes low as he rushes out of the bathroom, back to the safety of his own room. 

He lays back down in his bed, having no energy to make the best of the last of his privacy and the last of his freedom. He picks up his camera that's sitting on his nightstand and turns it on. He scrolls through his camera roll and stops when he finds the picture he's looking for. He had found it yesterday when he was clearing up some of his storage and he had completely forgotten that he had taken this. 

It's a picture of all of the losers from Halloween. This had been a time when Stan still felt unsure about being around the others after his...fit. They had all gone to Bill and Eddie's for the holiday. Richie had insisted that they all dress up despite it being just them. Bev had eagerly agreed and the rest of them had followed suit reluctantly. Stan hadn't admitted it at the time, but he had secretly been excited to dress up for the holiday. He had never gotten to when he was a child. 

Eddie and Bill had decided to try a couple costume, except they got mixed up on who was supposed to be what, and they both ended up being dressed as Tinker Bell, both missing their Peter Pan. 

When Richie had caught sight of them, he had busted out laughing so hard, he had snorted. He also took many secret pictures throughout the night, determined to not forget this hilarious error. 

Ben and Bev were a lot more successful in their planned costume, with Bev dressed in Princess Leia style dress and iconic hairdo. Ben trailed her, feeling more uncomfortable than usual in his store bought Han Solo costume. 

Mike has decided to dress up after his favorite comic book superhero, Black Panther, and Stan had had to avert his eyes multiple times because that elastic suit fitted him too well in some places. 

Richie, even though he had made the biggest fuss about dressing up, had put the least amount of effort into his costume. only wearing a black t-shirt that said "FBI" and wearing sunglasses all night long. He even bought a fake badge that kept showing all night. Eddie had been extremely annoyed that Richie had put barely any effort into his costume and they had bickered about it all night. 

Stan, not trying to do anything wild, but also not wanting to put little effort into his costume, had decided to go as an angel. He had managed to find a pure white suit that he had paired with some fake whit and gold wings with a headband that connected to a halo that would hang over his head. 

The others had loved his costume, telling him that he looked good and that it was a good idea. He had especially thrived in the way Richie seemed to not be able to take his eyes off of him. 

Stan had brought his camera with him, planning to take pictures throughout the evening, but when it was almost time to leave, he realized he had forgotten to take any. When Bev hears this, she made it clear that they had to take at least one to remember the night. Together, they had made an impromptu stand and they had all posed in front of it as it the clock counted down to take their picture. It had taken a few tries as someone was always blinking or talking or, in Bill's case, mid-sneeze. Finally, they had managed to get the perfect one and Stan now treasures it with everything in him. 

He stares at the small screen of his camera, feeling the tear prick his eyes as looks at Richie's smiling face, his arm around a blushing Stan's shoulders. 

Stan wants nothing more than to go back to that night. 

He sniffs as he turns the camera off and places it back on his nightstand. He turns on to his back and stares at the ceiling. He has never felt so heartbroken in his life before. But when he thinks about it, he's never gotten to live his life before. Everything was taken away or forbidden and now's he an adult with no experience in anything.

 If he thinks about it any harder, he can begin to realize that it was always his parents who never allowed him to do anything or go anywhere. They didn't allow him to try things, to meet new people, to make mistakes. 

The longer he thinks about it, the angrier he gets. Why do they get to decide how he lives his life? They may be his parents, but does that mean they get to make every decision pertaining to his life?

No, Stanley decides. They don't. He's tired of them telling him who he is, what he believes, who gets to love. He's done blindly following them everywhere they tell him to go because so far, they've led him down nothing but trails with no good end. 

As of this moment, Stanley Uris is no longer their real life puppet. They no longer have control over him and the strings are cut.

Tonight, Stan decides, is the night Stanley Uris finally breaks out of the grip of his parents. 

~~~

Stan can feel the anxiety rising as he waits for the signs that his parents have gone to bed. He knows his father will listen to the radio and read in his recliner until 9:00 o'clock on the dot. His mother will turn on the tea pot for them and make them a tray to bring to bed with them. It will take them ten minutes to finish their teas, and then his father will get up to use the bathroom while his mother changes into he nightgown. 

When he is done, she will take her turn as he changes into his own pajamas. When they have both finished their nightly routine, they will say a prayer for exactly four minutes; two minutes together out loud, two minutes in the privacy of their own minds. Even thought the things they do are timed down to the second, Stan allows some extra time for any fluctuations that may have occurred. 

He has to make sure they're both sound asleep before he makes his move. 

When he's positive that neither of them could possibly be awake, he silently exits his room, not even bothering to close his door as it creaks when it hits a certain position. 

He's wearing socks and it helps to muffle the sound of his feet on the hardwood floor. He has a backpack on his shoulders, containing a couple of outfits and his camera. He has his shoes in his hand. 

He knows that his phone is still in his mother's coat pocket. He saw it there earlier when she was coming in from doing a couple of errands in town. He knows that they believe he would never take it back without asking, which explains why they didn't hide it. 

After a whole week though, it haves to be dead. Luckily, Stan packed his charger from the dorm, and he quietly pulls it out from his bag's side pocket. 

His hand shakes as he reaches for his phone, plugs the charger in before plugging in his phone to the charger. 

He only needs to use the phone for a few seconds, he only has to wait a couple minutes for it to charge enough for his phone to turn on. 

Those couple of minutes are the scariest of his life. If he makes any noise, or if his parents wake up and come downstairs, it's all over. 

He can hear his heartbeat in his ears when he sees the familiar lock screen of Richie's glasses on his nightstand. Stan had chosen it because it was inconspicuous enough that there wasn't a way to connect it to anything suspicious but it's still a piece of Richie. 

However, when he enters his pin, the flood of texts from Richie and the others start to come through and his phones lets out three loud text tones before he can silence it. 

He can hear something creak upstairs. 

Throwing caution to the wind, Stan grabs the marker from his pocket and goes to Richie's contact information and scribbles down his number just as he hears a "Stanley? Is that you?" From his mother on the stairs. His head jolts up, catching her eye before he yanks the phone from the charger and runs for the door. 

He hears his mother yelling for his father behind him, but once he gets outside, he runs faster than he ever has in his life. 

It's freezing cold outside and the snow is quickly wetting his socks, but he doesn't even notice any of it. All he can think about is getting away. 

The cold air is starting to hurt his throat and his lungs, and he can't feel his feet at all, but he doesn't stop. His eyes are watering so badly that tears stream down his face as he runs, and he can barely see but he keeps going. 

He makes random turns, not paying attention to where he is or where he's going. He knows his father will be getting into his car and Stan may not be able to outrun a car, but he can outmaneuver one. 

He doesn't even know how long he's been running when he catches sight of a diner that he recognizes from being on the outside of the town. He's always wanted to come here, but was never allowed. 

He exhaustively slows down and enters the small 24 hour shop. 

 


	23. Chapter 23

Stan pushes the door open and hears the bell ring but as soon as he feels the warm air hit his frozen skin, he almost collapses. The diner is empty with soft Christmas music playing from somewhere in the kitchen. 

He lets out a shaky breath and can barely move from his spot. Plus he's soaking wet and the last thing he wants is a mess. 

"I'm sorry, honey, what can I do-" A young woman in a waitress uniform emerges from the kitchen, and cuts herself off when she takes in the sight of him. 

"Jesus, baby, what happened to you? Here, come take a seat, let me get you a hot drink," She says as she takes him and leads him a nearby booth. He hasn't even realized it, but he's shivering really bad and he can hear his teeth chattering. 

The young woman comes back with a mug and some kitchen towels. She looks at him sympathetically as she hands him the drink and starts to help him take off his outer clothing that's gotten wet from being outside. She tries to hand him some of the towels, but he can barely feel anything and his moves are too sluggish to actually help. She uses the other towels to rub him in hopes to dry and warm him. 

After awhile, Stan starts to feel the feeling in his hands, feet, and face again and the drink is doing wonders on warming him from the inside. He still feels weak and cold, but no longer like he's about to pass out. 

"Thank you," He whispers and gives her a shy smile. She smiles back, relieved to finally see some life in the boy. 

"Alright, sugar, you just wait here, I'm gonna call the hospital," She says softly and starts to rise up from her crouched position. But Stan quickly reaches out to grab her hand before she can go. 

"No! P-please, you can't do that, they'll f-f-find me, please," Stan begs. If he goes to the hospital, they'll call his emergency contacts, which are both his parents. Then all this will be for nothing and he really will have no hope.

She frowns and looks at him concerned. 

"Who's going to find you? Is that why you were out there in that weather?" She questions.

"Please, promise you won't call. They-They're gonna-" Stan can't get out the words as he thinks of being sent to that place. The woman, who Stan reads "Hannah" from her name badge, shushes him and goes back to drying him off. 

"Okay, okay, no phone calls," She promises. After a few minutes, she adds, "What's your name, babe?"

"Stanley," He whispers again, feeling all his energy drain out of him for a second time. 

She gives him a soft smile and gently brushes his wet hair from his forehead. "Well, Stanley, my name is Hannah. You're welcome to stay here until you feel better. Hot coffee on the house," She says as she takes back the mug that he's been sipping on for a refill.

Stan sighs and lets his head fall back on the booth behind him. He did it. He got away. He doesn't feel safe yet, he still needs to contact Richie. He looks down as his palm where the blue numbers are slightly smudged but still readable. Hannah walks back in with a filled coffee mug and a bowl of soup. She places them down in front of him and goes back to drying him off with the towels she left behind. They don't speak and Stan is grateful for her compassionate and considerate ways. 

The overhead speaker is playing soft Christmas music and he focuses in on that to stop himself from falling asleep right there in the booth. His body still hurts and his breathing is wheezy, but he would take this and ten times worse before he would go to that institution. 

However, about fifteen minutes after the silence and Hannah has taken his shoes and socks from him and the towels back to the kitchen, Stan hears a car pull up into the parking lot. He feels his blood freeze when he peeks out the window to see his dad's familiar sedan. Stan bolts from his seat and almost crashes into Hannah as she's coming back from the kitchen to check on him. 

"Woah, babe, what's wrong?," She asks as she takes in his panicked state. 

"Please, you have to tell them I wasn't here, please," He begs and flinches when he hears a car door slam. He keeps checking behind him, waiting for his father to enter the shop. 

Hannah looks conflicted and nervous, but nods her head in sympathetic agreement. She gestures for him into the kitchen and gets him to crouch behind a bin of full of take out boxes. Stan holds his breath and when he hears the bell ring, he squeezes his eyes shut. 

Hannah puts a cool mask on her face and leaves the kitchen to greet his father like she did him. The cook, who Stan later finds out is Hannah's husband, watches from where's seated at a small table in the back of kitchen. It looks like he had been playing games on his phone but his attention is on Stan. Luckily, he seems to sense the seriousness of the situation and doesn't say anything to him. 

"Hello, how can I help you?" Stan hears Hannah's cheerful voice ring through the shop. 

"Have you seen a boy come here recently? About this tall, curly hair, teenager," His father describes him. Stan can hear the fury in his voice and Stan makes himself smaller. He has no doubt that if his father saw him here, he would get dragged home by hair. 

"No, I can't say that I have. We haven't had any customers since about 6 o'clock," Hannah answers. Stan silently applauds her acting skills. 

"Then whose bowl and cup is that over there?" His father questions. Stan tenses, remembering that he didn't grab his dishes from the table. 

Hannah is quiet for just a split second before she says, "Well, they're mine. A girl's got to eat sometimes, you know?' She tries for a joke. Stan doesn't hear his dad laughing. 

"Right, well give this number a call if he shows up. He's been out in the cold and we're worried about him," He explains in an expressionless tone. 

"Yes, sir. Will do," Hannah responds. Stan tensely waits until he hears the bell ring again. 

He doesn't move from his spot until Hannah comes to collect him. 

"He's gone now, it's okay," She comforts and he doesn't even realize that he's been crying. She takes him into her arms and gently rubs his back as he buries his face in her neck. Standing up, he can see now that he's about 6 inches taller than her. 

"Stan, can I ask who that was? And why you were running from him?" She asks gently, taking him to the small table that her husband is sat at. They both feel safer with him back here than out front anyway. 

"He's my father. I- he wants- they're gonna-," He stutters, getting upset at the thought of it. Her eyes widen and she nods her head in understanding. 

"How old are you, Stan?" 

"Nineteen." 

Hannah lets out a small breath of relief. "Well, at least if the cops get called, there's no chance of either of us getting in trouble. You're an adult, you don't have to do what he wants," She smiles at him and he gives her small smile back. 

"I know that you've already done so much for me, and I'm so grateful for everything, but is there anyway I can borrow a phone?" He asks timidly.

"Of course! Here, take mine," She says and pulls out a phone from her back pocket and unlocks it for him. Stan shakily takes the phone and dials the number written on his hand, praying that Richie will answer. 

~~~

Richie erases the line that he's drawn twice now, not satisfied with the shape of Stan's nose yet. He couldn't sleep tonight and to pass the time, he brought out his sketchpad and started a drawing of the only thing that inspires him anymore. 

It's almost one in the morning, so he jumps when his phone begins to ring on his nightstand. He quiets the music that was playing softly through a speaker and peers at his screen. It's a number he doesn't recognize and he ponders on answering, wondering if it's a scammer. 

He decides to try his luck and presses the green answer button. 

"Hello?'

"Richie?"

"Stanley! Oh my god, baby, what's going on? I haven't heard from you in almost two weeks," Richie says softly when he hears the boy start to cry softly on the other end.

"Richie, I ran away. They were going to send to me some school and take away my phone and I wasn't going to be able to even talk to you or see you and-" Stan breaks off with a sob.

"Hey, no, baby, it's okay," Richie says as he sits straighter up on his bed. Stan ran away? Then where was he now?

"Stan, babe, where are you? Are you okay?" Richie asks and gets up from his bed. His worry is starting to grow with every second of this conversation.

"I'm at a diner, I think. This woman let me in and gave me coffee to warm up," There's a pause and Richie can faintly hear a woman speaking in the background. It must be the owner of the number that Stan's calling from. "Wright's 24/7 Dine In," Stan says.

"Okay, Stan, I'm going to hang up and call Bill, shh, no, it's okay," Richie assures at Stan's protests against hanging up. "Listen, sweetheart, I'm going to tell Bill to come get you, okay? We're gonna get you away from there, okay? I promise I'll call back the second I hang up with Bill, okay?"

He hears Stan sniff on the other side of the receiver and his heart breaks. "Okay," Stan says in a small voice. 

"Alright, Stan my man, it's going to be okay," He assures one more time. 

"Richie?"

"Yes, baby?"

"Will you tell Bill to hurry?" 

Richie has never dialed a number so fast in his life. 

~~~

When Richie hangs up to call Bill, Stan looks up to Hannah and her husband, anxious to see their reaction to his conversation. He knows he wasn't subtle at all and that if they end up being even the littlest bit of homophobic, this night make make a turn for the worse. Except there is no disgust or anger on their faces when he faces them. Only sympathy, concern, and...understanding?

"Stan, you're very brave, you know that?" Hannah's husband says and it's the first thing he's said all night. Stan feels a warm rush of bashfulness and pride swell up in him. Mike told him the same thing, but it feels a lot different coming from a complete stranger. 

"So, you're not going to call my father?" Stan asks hesitantly. Hannah looks shocked at his question before she calms her face into a more soft and neutral expression. 

"Absolutely not. This diner is a safe place, we take care of all of our customers. We're not going to let anyone hurt you, Stanley," She promises and gently places her hand on his for comfort. "Is Richie your boyfriend?" She then asks softly.

Stan swallows and hesitantly nods his head. This would be the first person to know outside of the losers. 

"I'm glad you found somebody that you could trust in this life. I know I was so lucky when I found Mathew," She says and gives a loving and private smile to her husband who returns it. 

"Thank you for being so accommodating. I should have planned this better, but I was just so desperate to get away," Stan explains. 

Hannah looks hesitant before she asks another question. "Did you say they were going to send you away?"

Stan nods his head solemnly, pictures of the institution's brick walls that looked more like a prison than a school flashes through his mind. 

There is silence in the kitchen before it's actually Matthew speaks up. 

"You know, Stan, when I came out to my parents, they weren't very accepting either," And he smiles at Stan's confusion. "You see, I'm a trans man. I was born into the wrong body and my parents didn't want to believe me when I told them that I was a boy, not a girl. They hated when I changed my name," Matthew explains. 

Stan is a little shocked at this news and he has to force himself not to look for the signs that indicate Matthew has a female's body. Like gay people, Stan has been told to believe that transsexual people were wrong and should be hated for their lifestyles. He feels his blood boil at the thought of someone telling him to hate this man for being who he is. 

"Thank you both, for everything. I don't know what I would have done if you hadn't taken me in. I'd probably still be out there, except nearly frozen solid," Stan says. 

"It's no problem, Stan, really. There's usually nobody ever here this late anyway. I don't know why my father insists on staying open 24/7, but in this case, I'm glad he did," Hannah responds. As she soon as she finishes. her phone starts to ring in Stan's hand and he immediately answers it.

"Richie?"

"Hey, baby. Bill's on his way, okay? He'll be there in just a couple hours, do you think you can stay there until he arrives? Are you safe?" 

Stan looks over to the couple who have moved to the other side of the kitchen and are bantering fondly with each other. 

"Yea, I am."


	24. Chapter 24

After about ten minutes of being on the phone with Richie, Stan crashes. His head falls onto his folded arms that are crossed on top of the table he's sitting at. It takes Richie a couple of minutes to realize he's not getting any responses to his story and when he listens close, he can hear the familiar whistle of Stan breathing in and the sigh that follows when he breathes out. He's asleep. 

He doesn't hang up, content to just sit and listen to his boy breathe. However, after a while of this, someone else picks up the phone. 

"Hello? Are you still there?" It's a girl's voice. Richie concludes that it must be the woman that's taken Stan in. 

"Yea, I'm here. He's passed out hasn't he?" He already knows the answer, but it's all he can think of to say to this stranger. 

"I'm pretty sure he's been passed out for awhile," She chuckles. There's a small pause before she continues. "Is he in trouble? Is running away with you the best option for him?" She asks in a serious tone and even though it's supposed to come out as slightly threatening, Richie just feels a swell of gratitude inside him that someone would care so much about Stan after having just met hi

He begins to tell Hannah how he and Stan met. The friendliness. Then the fight. Then the friendship. Then the relationship. Hannah listens intently, casually glancing over at Stan's figure. She hates that people tried to make him hate himself for being who he is. 

When the story finishes, Hannah lets out a small sigh. The story hadn't really surprised her much, but it still made her feel horribly sad. Matthew comes up behind her and wraps his arms around her and presses a quick kiss to her check before resting his chin on her shoulder. With the silence in the kitchen, he had heard most of the story without even having to be close to her. 

"Hey, Richie?"

"Yea?"

"Save my number, I'd love to stay in contact with the two of you," She says.

"Sure thing, babe."

~~~

When Stan woken up, it's to a warm hand on his back, gently rubbing it. He blearily opens his eyes to see Mike crouched down in front of him, with Bill standing behind him. Bill is holding a spare coat and blanket and, together, they coax Stan into standing up to put it on. 

"His shoes and coat are still soaked, but here are his other things," Hannah says as she passes the rest of Stan's things to Bill's now empty arms. Stan is too tired to stay awake and almost falls asleep just leaning against Mike, but he chuckles and leans down to pick him up. 

Normally, Stan would argue and fight against being babied, but right now he feels exhausted and his body hurts. 

Hannah places the blanket on top of him, knowing the weather outside is awful and Stan's already been in it too much. She presses a kiss to his forehead and Stan lets out a small hum in appreciation. 

"Bye 'Anah," He mumbles tiredly and she smiles,

"Goodbye, Stanley. Call me when you can, okay?"

"'Kay."

~~~

Mike walks fast as he carries Stan to the running car outside. It's a short walk, but they're all eager to get Stan out of the cold. 

The backseat door is opened for him, and Ben helps from his seat to lay Stan down across his and Bev's laps. Stan's head is on Bev and she gently runs a finger through his curls. He's already back to sleep. Mike climbs in next to Ben and places Stan's feet on his own lap and the three of them make a make-shift bed for the boy. 

Eddie, who had passed out in his seat up front, wakes up for the few seconds it takes them to get Stan situated and watches the scene before he rests back against the passenger door and falls asleep himself. 

Bill places Stan's things in his trunk before climbing into the driver's seat. He does one scope of the car and smiles fondly at the two passed out boys before he gets back onto the road. 

About twenty minutes on the road, both Ben and Bev have passed out, leaning against each other for support. Mike stays awake to keep Bill company. 

When they're about ten minutes away from Richie's dorm, Mike calls him and he's standing on the curb, waiting for them when they pull up. 

He helps get Stan up from his position and presses him close to his chest. 

"Richie?" Stan mumbles and looks around in confusion before he realizes where he is. Home. 

"Shh, baby. Go back to sleep, it's okay. I got you."

Mike offers to carry Stan back to the dorm, but once Richie has Stan in his arms, he refuses to let go. The others get out as well, planning on staying the night in Richie's dorm too. 

Bill crouches down so Eddie can climb onto his back and be carried the rest of the way. Bev and Ben walk themselves, but they have their arms around each other to lean on as they walk. Together, they all walk to the dorms. 

Richie gently places Stan on their bed, not bothering to take the his clothes off. It doesn't look like Stan minds all the much. Richie climbs in next to him and pulls Stan tight against his chest. 

Bill and Eddie take Stan's old bed, cuddling close and only bothering to take off their shoes.

Bev, Ben, and Mike make a small pallet of blankets and coats before they all pass out on the floor. 

They all fall into a deeper sleep than they've ever had before.

~~~

When Stan wakes up the next morning, his head is pounding. His chest hurts when he breathes and it doesn't take long for him to realize that he's developed an awful cough. It's actually cough that wakes the rest of them up as well. 

Richie turns to face Stan as he tries to hide his coughing fit. 

Richie gently rubs his back, cooing at him. When it's over, Stan lets out a pitiful sniff and buries his face into Richie's neck. He feels awful, but he's so happy to be back with Richie. 

"Do any of you have cold medicine?" Richie asks the others as he plays with Stan's hair. They all shake their heads, with Eddie explaining that he took all his medicine with him when he went home. 

"Shit. Nothing's gonna be open until tomorrow, either," Richie frowns. Stan emerges from his neck and matches Richie's frown.

"Why is nothing open?" He asks.

"It's Christmas, babe," Richie smiles softly as he watches the boy. Stan's eyes widen and he looks at the others, who have all left there homes and their families to come get him. He feels awful. 

"I am so sorry, guys, I-"

"No, don't even start that, it's too early for this," Eddie grumbles and turns around on to his other side, so he's not facing the others in an attempt to fall back asleep.

Bill grimaces, and gives everyone an apologetic smile. "S-sorry, he's g-grumpy in the morning," He jokes. 

"To be honest, things weren't going very well at the farm anyway. I was actually kind of relieved when Bill called me," Mike starts. but quickly changes his demeanor when he realizes how it sounds. "Not that I'm happy about what happened, Stan. I mean, I'm glad you were able to get away, but I wish there wasn't anything you had to get away from."

"I don't think it's a stretch to assume that we would all rather be here with each other than with our families," Ben speaks up on Mike's behalf.

He gets a few nods in agreement.

 "S-stan?" Bill asks and Stan turns his attention to the boy. "Why d-did you run away? Was it f-for a s-s-specific reason or..." He trails off, expecting Stan to get his point. 

Stan lets out a shaky sigh that turns into a cough as he remembers everything that's happened over the last two weeks. Richie gives him a worried look and takes his hand. 

"You don't have to tell us if you don't want to," He reminds him. 

"No, it's okay. I- they found out about me and Richie," He explains to the others and even Eddie has turned back around to listen. 

"How?" Eddie asks.

"They arrived a little earlier than we expected and they walked in while we were, uh, kissing," Stan continues, feeling his face go a little warm from that part of the story. No one makes fun of him, they all continue to listen intently. "They didn't say anything about it for over a week, but they took away my phone and turned off the wi-fi, so I couldn't contact anybody. Then about a few days ago, they had, um, they had Rabbi Harlow come talk to me," he whispers the last part. Richie places a kiss on his hand in support. 

 "W-Who is that, Stan?" Bill questions.

"He...he used to be mentor. When my parents found out that I was gay, they asked him to come talk to me. Then he started to come by a couple of times a week, then it was almost everyday. He was supposed to be teaching me about our faith, to help me learn. But from the start, the only thing he ever wanted to talk about was how bad it was to give into evil temptations. At that point, I knew it was because my parents told him I was gay. They were trying to fix me," Stan says. 

Bev has to stop Ben from an outburst to tell Stan that he doesn't need fixing. 

Stan doesn't realize that he's crying until his sight becomes too blurry to see and he takes a break to wipe his eyes and cough. 

"He told me all these things about how God doesn't love those who defy His word. He told me all these awful things about what happens to people like me. It scared me so bad that I listened to everything he said. And then I started to believe him. He started to explain to me how to stop those kind of urges. At the start, he gave me a rubber band to put around my wrist. He told me to snap it every time I had those kind of thoughts. He said that a little pain for those thoughts would eventually trick my brain into not wanting to think them. It got to where I had these huge welts and bruises around my wrist. Eventually, he took it away, but I continued to try other ways to distract myself," Stan explains, and Richie opens his hand to trace a small line on his palm where red crescent marks use to lie.

"I've always been home schooled, but I wanted to go to a real college so bad. When it got closer to the time to start applying, my parents pushed for me to online schooling, but Rabbi Harlow thought that I had improved enough to go. That was the last time I saw him until last week. He told my parents that school was ending up to be a bad decision because I wasn't strong enough. He wanted them to send me away to this private school that was for boys with my "problem"."

None of them miss the implication that comes with that. 

"How did you get away?" This time, it's Richie who asks.

"I waited for my parents to fall asleep. I had to sneak my phone away and charge it to get your number. But my mom woke up and saw me so I bolted. I don't even know how long I ran, but that's when I came to the diner."

Richie wraps his arms around Stan and squeezed. "You're the strongest person I've ever met," He whispers into Stan's ear. Stan smiles gratefully at him. 

"I'm only strong because of you."

 


	25. Chapter 25

After Stan tells the others his history with Rabbi Harlow and the reason he ran away, they decide to move to Bill and Eddie's as it has more space, and more importantly, food. Once again, they all pile into Bill's car, and this time, Stan is sat on Richie's lap and Bev in Ben's. Stan definitely does not pay any attention to the hand that is dangerously high up on his thigh, but he can't help but squirm whenever Richie leans in to tell him something and his breath hits his ear. 

If Richie notices anything, he doesn't mention it. 

Once they get to the apartment, Ben insists that they at least have to watch a Christmas movie and Mike goes to the kitchen to see what he can scrounge up for breakfast. They had all left the gits they were planning on giving each other back in their hometown so they make plans to do a gift-giving party at a later time. Richie has already passed out the gifts he got everybody. Eddie is still pretty tired and he ends up falling back asleep on Bill about fifteen minutes after the movie has started. 

Stan still doesn't feel very good and it seems like his cough has only gotten worse as the morning has gone by. 

"I really wish we could take you to get something. No offense, but you sound awful," Richie says as he watches Stan get done with a loud and wheezy coughing fit. 

Stan just clears his throat and leans back into Richie's side where they're sat on the sofa. He feels really cold and asks for Bill to give him the blanket that's on the back of his recliner. Bill bunches it up and tosses it to him, but Richie is the one who catches it and gently places over him. 

"You must be running a fever if your'e that cold. Mike turned up the heat in here the minute we walked in," Richie frowns and reaches over to place a hand on Stan's forehead. He doesn't say anything else, just hums and pulls Stan further into his side. 

Mike gets done in the kitchen and he starts passing out plates of food. He hands Stan his plate, but upon seeing Stan's grimace at it, he takes it back pretty quick.

"Sorry, Stan, I forgot," He says and walks back into the kitchen with it. Five minutes later, he's back. When he gives the plate back, the bacon and sausage are gone. In their place is a mix of cut up fruits. 

Stan smiles gratefully, and doesn't have the heart to tell Mike that he really doesn't have an appetite. He nibbles on some of the fruit to be polite. He doesn't catch the way Richie is watching him from the corner of his eye. 

After eating a half of the fruit on his plate, but not touching the eggs or toast, he gives up. He gives it to Richie, who hands it to Ben as he walks by. Ben rolls his eyes but he takes it with him to the kitchen to clean up anyway. 

Stan dozed off and on again for awhile, not really paying much attention to the movie. Christmas has always just been another normal day for him, but he still feels bad about making the others leave their homes and families to come here and be stuck in an apartment with no gifts or decorations. He will admit, though, that he likes the fact that Richie won't be alone on the holiday. It's this thought that comforts him the most. 

The movie ends and that seems to be about as much Christmas spirit that everyone can handle. They change it on to Friends, which has become a familiar favorite between the seven of them. 

Eddie eventually wakes up from his morning nap, but he doesn't move from his spot. 

Throughout the day, Stan stays pressed to Richie's side. They watch movie after movie, none of them ever really feeling in the mood to do much more than chill out. It makes Stan feel more ease, but he can't help but feel nervous about what's to come. 

 

His parents know where his dorm is, and he's honestly surprised that they didn't show up some point in the night. He has no idea what he's going to say to them when he does see them. 

What are they going to say to him? They can't force him to go with them, can they? How is he going to pay for school?

"What's going on in that head of yours, huh?" Richie's soft voice breaks through his thought process. 

But it's Christmas, and Stan doesn't want to ruin that for him. 

"Nothing, just tired," He says and is thankful when his body backs him up with a genuine yawn. Richie gives him a soft look and squeezes him before turning his attention back to the movie. There is a lot to be said. but neither of them feel like doing it in front of the others. 

Once the movie they are watching is finished, Bill turns the T.V. off. 

"Okay, so w-we need to talk," He announces and looks at everyone expectantly. 

Eddie sits up from where he was cuddling into Bill's side to frown at him. Mike and Ben stop the conversation they were having to give him their attention. Bev doesn't react much, probably having been waiting for this. 

Richie sighs and runs a hand over his face and mumbles a "Now?". Stan purses his lips and starts to fidget. 

"Y-yes, now. What are we going to do about Stan's parents?" Bill asks, bravely addressing the elephant in the room. 

"Well, in my opinion, they can both fuck right off," Richie grumbles and gives Stan an apologetic glance. 

"Yea, and as helpful as that is, we all know that's not what they're going to do," Eddie says, annoyed. Richie rolls his eyes in response. 

"Stan? What do you think is going to happen? What do you think we should do?" Ben speaks up, asking kindly. 

Stan takes in a deep breath. His head hurts, his chest hurts, and now that they're talking about it, his heart hurts. "They're gonna come here. I'm surprised they didn't come last night, and I can guarantee they've been at the dorm today already. Me running away basically confirmed all their fears. They're gonna try to get me to come back with them so they can fix me," Stan says tiredly. 

"So, what are you guys going to do? I mean, I know they can't get in without a key, but I'm sure it'll be pretty easily for them to get in when they say their parents. You can't stay there," Bev says. 

"You can stay here," Bill reassures. Stan smiles gratefully at him, but declines the offer. "I can't run from them forever," He explains.

Mike smiles proudly at him. "I think Stan's right. Even if he doesn't live in that dorm, it won't exactly be hard for them to find him. And he shouldn't have to constantly be looking over his shoulder. The only thing he can do, is finally tell them how he feels.'

There are a few murmurs of agreement and then they're all looking at him. 

"What am I going to say though? They're going to hate me, I can't tell them the truth," Stan shakes his head, feeling slightly panicked when he actually thinks about standing up to his parents. 

"You have to, Stanley, or else this is going to keep happening. Look, we're not telling you this to make you feel bad, but you have to finally put your foot down on this shit. If they think that your'e even slightly doubting your sexuality, they'll use it as leverage and find a way to convince you that you're wrong. And it has to be you," Eddie says, looking Stan right in they eye. Secretly, he wishes someone had told him that exact same thing when he finally told him mother that he was not sick and weak like she thought. 

Stan keeps the contact with Eddie, seeming to get the message that was not spoken. He finally nods in understanding. 

"But what about school? What if they threaten to stop paying for it? I can't just drop out," He asks. It sounds like an excuse to his own ears, but college has been something that he's dreamt of for years. He can't imagine not being able to finish. 

"Then we'll find scholarships and financial aid. There are even loans you can take out if you need to," Ben says confidently. With his parent's low income, he has to rely fully on an academic scholarship to pay for his schooling. 

Stan stares at the carpeted floor. All his questions are getting answered, but that doesn't make him want to face his parents any more than it did before. But Eddie's right. It has to be him and it has to be as soon as possible. 

"Okay, I'll talk to them," He promises. 

~~~ 

It's already dark when Stan and Richie get dropped off at the their dorm. Bill and the others are heading back the next day to finish out the rest of their break at home. Meaning Richie and Stan will be basically on their own for the next couple of weeks. The thought makes Stan nervous and excited. 

Richie gives Stan a soft and private smile and takes his hand as they head up the stairs. 

Stan crashes on to their bed when they enter, his head throbbing and his face feeling clogged up. Richie takes his time to get comfortable before climbing in. They settle with Richie on his back and Stan on his side, laying his head on Richie's chest. 

"I hated being there without getting to tell you what was happening," Stan says quietly, tracing an unknown pattern on Richie's t-shirt. 

"I probably drove Bill and the others crazy with how much I called them, asking about you," Richie admits himself. 

Stan sniffs and props himself up so he can look into Richie's eyes. "I really thought I wouldn't ever get to see you again," Stan says. 

Richie frowns and reaches up push Stan's hair out of his eyes. "I wouldn't let that happen. You know me, I'm like a pesty zit. I always pop back up just when you think you've gotten rid of me," he says and smiles when he gets a smile from the other boy. 

Stan lays his head back down and sighs. This is what he's craved since the moment he's left and he's grateful that there are still two weeks of break left because there is no way he's letting either of them out of this bed for a while.

They lay there in silence and Stan thinks that Richie might have actually fallen asleep before he hears, "Hey, Stan?"

He hums and shifts so he can turn his head and look at Richie's face. 

Richie is staring back at him seriously, still carefully running his fingers through Stan's hair. The gaze takes Stan by surprise, still taken back whenever this intense and intimate side of Richie pops up. 

"I love you," Richie says, watching Stan's reaction. 

Stan widens his eyes. This wasn't what he expected. A smile grows on his face and before he can think, he pushing himself up to press his lips against Richie's. He feels one of Richie's hands on his back, under his shirt.

"I love you, too," Stan says whey they pull away. Richie grins and looks at him in awe.

Suddenly, Stan sits up. "It's Christmas." Is all he says.

Richie frowns. "Yes, it is. Are you sure you're okay?" As reaches up to feel Stan's forehead. Stan bats his hand away and gets off the bed to walk across the room to where his old bed sits abandoned. He reaches under his pillows and feels for the book he bough Richie before break had started. He smiles when his hand hits it. 

"Close your eyes," He instructs, turning toward Richie and keeping the book from his view. Richie narrows his eyes and looks at him playfully before sighing and raising his hands to cover his eyes. 

Stan walks closer and holds out the book, before giving Richie permission to look. Richie is smiling, assuming a joke is being played on him before he sees the familiar cover. His mouth fall open slightly before he lets out a shocked laugh and his gaze turns up to Stan's face. 

"What? How did you know - I  mean, I know that you were there, but I never even said anything,"He says and gently takes the book into his own hands. 

"You didn't have to, I could just tell," Stan says. "Merry Christmas, Richie."

Richie places the sketchbook on his nightstand and takes his hand and presses a kiss to his knuckles before tugging him towards him making Stan fall down next to him on the bed. Stan lets out a small shriek that has Richie laughing and grinning happily at him.

Stan copies the grin and sniffs again, before sits up and turns away and begins to cough. Richie sits up and rubs his back, watching him concernedly. 

"Tomorrow, we're going to get you some cold medicine. Jesus, how long were you out in the cold, baby?" Richie says when Stan lets out a cough that sounds like it hurt. Stan just shrugs and burrows back into Richie's side, his head hurting even worse than before, but his heart feeling complete. 

"Poor baby," Richie mumbles and presses a kiss to Stan's temple before the drift off. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is really bad? I guess count the last two chapters as fillers, but i wanted to let Stan explain some things and for them to figure out what to do next. I think there's only a couple more chapters left. No more than five for sure, but uh i promise to update soon cause this was shit


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, of course my longest chapter is just pure smut. Sorry not sorry. (Also, I read all of your comments and you are all just the sweetest! Tbh, I would have deleted this fic long ago if it wasn't for the amount of feedback you guys give. Nothing makes me more motivated to work on the next chapter.)

Richie woke him up the next morning with cough drops and and cold medicine. Stan grimaces at the goopey liquid that's being pushed towards him, but Richie insists it was all the local pharmacy had left. But Stan doesn't complain long, wanting the rawness of his throat and the stuffy feeling in his head to go away. 

They spend the majority of the morning in bed; Stan being too sick to feel like getting up and Richie using the excuse to stay cuddled up against his boy. 

"Do you think your parents will show up today?" Richie asks sometime after he got Stan to eat some soup that he had bought while he was out earlier that morning. Stan takes another spoonful from where he's sitting at his desk, refusing to eat in bed. He frowns at the question.

"Probably. I don't think they'll get past the front door though, unless someone lets them in. They usually keep it locked, and there aren't as many people here over the break," Stan replies, picking at his nails. Thinking of his parents is the last thing he wants to think about, but he knows he can't avoid it forever. 

"You don't sound very upset about it," Richie says casually from where he's sitting on the bed and starting a drawing in his new sketchbook. 

Stan sighs and pushes the bowl away. He didn't have a very big appetite to begin with and now he doesn't feel like eating at all. He gets up and stretches, trying to get rid of the achey feeling in his bones. He hates being sick. Richie raises his gaze to watch him and Stan doesn't miss the way his eyes linger on his stomach from where his shirt raised up. 

"I think I just want to get it over with. I'm tired of feeling like I have to hide from them. I mean, I hate fighting with them, but I don't think I feel as scared of them as I did before," Stan explains, and walks toward Richie, who holds his arms out as an invitation. Stan falls into them, feeling like he could go back to sleep even though he's only been up for a couple hours. 

"You're so brave, Stanny. I'm so proud of you," Richie says into Stan's hair and his voice comes out muffled, making Stan snicker. 

Stan hums and moves so that he's not completely on top of Richie and is instead next to him on the bed. 

"I don't think I'm ever going to leave this bed," Stan says.

"Oh? And what do you plan on doing with all this time in bed?" Richie asks, raising his eyebrows playfully. Stan keeps his face neutral before replying, "Sleep, of course. What else would I want to do?" 

Richie huffs out a laugh, and swings a leg over Stan's waist. "You're such a little shit sometimes, you know that?" He states before digging his fingers into Stan's side, making the boy squeal and try to push Richie off as he's tickled. 

Richie goes easy on him, knowing that the boy's health still wasn't up to par. By the time he's done, Stan is panting underneath him, face flushed. Richie stays where he's seated and keeps his hands on Stan's torso, gently rubbing his sides to calm him. 

 They make eye contact, and suddenly the air is tense around them because they both realize the position they're in.  Stan swallows hard and Richie boldly leans down to press a hard kiss to his lips. Stan's hands find his way on to Richie's back, bunching up his shirt in his grip while Richie moves his own to Stan's hair, digging his fingers into the soft curls. Richie relaxes, letting his whole body weight onto Stan. 

Stan spreads his legs to let Richie settle between them, not wanting any more distance between them then there already was.  They start kissing with small but firm presses of their lips, but as they continue, Richie gives a lick to Stan's bottom lip and Stan takes the hint to open his mouth. Richie takes his time to map out Stan's mouth, getting more and more worked up as the time goes by. 

"God, I love you so much," Richie whispers when he pulls slightly away, to look down at Stan. 

"I love you, too," Stan responds, running a finger up and down Richie's spine, making the boy shudder. Richie stares intently at Stan before lowering down to press a kiss to Stan's jaw. Stan lets out a shaky breath when Richie's lips start to trail down his neck, gently running his teeth along Stan's skin, causing goose bumps to rise up. Richie lifts his head to kiss Stan's lips again. He lowers one hand from Stan's hair to rest it on the boy's waist, slowly sneaking it under Stan's shirt. 

Stan breaks the kiss, breathing heavy and clinging tightly to the wrinkled material of Richie's shirt. Richie watches him, slowly rubbing circles on to Stan's bare skin on his side. 

"Stan, can I-" Richie begins to ask, but he's cut off by a quick "Please" and he's not nearly strong enough to not give his boy everything he wants. 

Stan lets out a whimper when Richie rolls his hips into Stan's. Richie sits back up and peels his own shirt off while Stan watches him. Much like last time, Stan reaches up to run his fingers down Richie's chest, but there's barely any embarrassment that comes with it this time. Stan pressed his hands firmly on his chest and trails them up and over Richie's shoulders and down his arms to take Richie's hands in his own. Richie complies and takes Stan's hands in his own, leaning down to where Richie has Stan's hands pinned to the bed on either side of the boy's head. 

Richie is amused by the amount of participation Stan is already doing. Just a month ago, a move like that probably would have caused a panic attack and a stop to all of this. 

"I'm gonna make you feel so good," Richie whispers, lips grazing the outer shell of Stan's ear. It's Stan's turn to shudder from his words. Richie does another roll of his hips, grinding his crotch into Stan's and Stan's head falls back. Richie takes advantage of the now accessible skin and begins to press a couple kisses before he gently bites down. Stan gasps; this is the first time Richie's ever come close to leaving a mark on him. He is usually too scared that someone will see it, but now he wishes he'd been allowing them since the beginning. 

Seeing that Stan isn't going to object to the marks, Richie begins to suck, pulling the skin roughly into his mouth. He moves on to place another one near Stan's ear, and then one on the other side of his neck. Stan just lays there, too wrapped into the feeling of Richie's lips on him to do much but groan and whimper. The biting hurts, but that's what makes Stan like it even more. 

Eventually, Richie pulls back. "Holy shit." He breathes, before snickering a little at the sight of Stan's neck. This causes Stan to sit up quickly, almost knocking Richie off in the process. 

"What?" He asks and rubs his neck self-consciously, hissing when he meets the raw skin. Richie just grabs his phone from the nightstand and opens up the front camera. Stan stares at his face and neck. He looks like a mess. His hair is all out of place, his face is flushed, and there are huge, dark hickeys all over his neck. He presses his finger into one, and sure enough, he feels the sting. 

"I like them," Stan whispers, taking his eyes from the screen to meet Richie's. Something passes in Richie's eyes before he's being pressed back down into the mattress, the phone forgotten. 

Richie's hair fall around them like a curtain, and Richie kisses with a new sense of desperation. 

Stan allows himself to be pulled into the kiss, and almost doesn't realize that Richie is now tugging at his shirt as a question to whether or not it can come off. Stan breaks the kiss and lifts his arm, sitting up slightly to help get it off. the cool air feels good on his warm skin, but Richie's hands feel even better. 

Richie sits up again, running his hands up and across Stan's stomach and chest, mapping him out completely. His fingers even graze Stan's nipples and the boy's breath hitches. 

Richie raises his eyebrows and mutters an "Interesting." 

Richie's lips meet Stan's skin again, this time at his collarbones. He leaves a trail of marks as he makes his way down Stan's torso, and by the time he's made it to the waistband of Stan's pants, Stan's fingers are gripping tightly to Richie's hair as an anchor. 

"Is this okay?" Richie asks against Stan's skin, as his hand rubs slightly down on the tent in Stan's pants. Stan moans and nods his head eagerly, not able with Richie touching him there. 

Richie removes his hand and pops the button open on Stan's pants, giving him some much needed room. His zipper follows and then Richie's tugging the pants off of him completely. Stan thinks his briefs will follow right after, but Richie presses a warm open-mouthed kiss to the front of them. 

"Oh my god," Stan gasps, memories of the last time flood back to him. 

Richie hums and pops back up, giving Stan a shit-eating grin with red and swollen lips. His fingers hook under the waistband of Stan's briefs before he pulls them down too, tossing them out of sight. 

Stan can't help but close his eyes tightly when Richie grips him and gives him a few tugs. 

"Richie, please, I- oh," Stan whimpers and Richie watches him, feeling more turned on then he's ever been. Stan is a beauty he's never encountered; there is something so genuine and trusting when he lets Richie do this, and Richie will forever be grateful to experience this. 

"You- your clothes-" Stan says, having trouble getting his words out. 

Richie chuckles and removes his hand, before climbing off and standing up to take his pants off properly. His briefs go along with them, and Stan swallows. He watches as Richie walks over to where they keep their towels, grabbing one. 

Richie comes back, but doesn't take the position he was originally in. 

"I want to make you feel good," He explains, and Stan nods. He's already given his consent for this so he's confused by what Richie wants. "Can I try something?" Richie asks while running a gently hand through the hair that had fallen on Stan's forehead. 

Stan frowns. He doesn't know much about sex, especially with boys. But Richie does, and Stan trusts Richie, so he nods. Richie smiles softly at, pressing a small kiss to his lips. He lays the towel down next to Stan, before giving him an encouraging smile. 

"Turn over for me, babe, on the towel," He instructs quietly. Stan feels his nerves shoot up. If he turns around, he won't be able to see what Richie is doing. But...Trust. He trusts Richie, and he knows that Richie will stop if he wants him too. 

He slowly rolls over on to his stomach, exposed in a completely new way. 

"So good for me, Stanny. I'm so lucky," Richie's praises fall one after the other and Stan is glad that Richie's need to fill the silence has finally come in handy. Plus, they are making him feel pretty relaxed. 

He feels Richie climb onto the bed behind him. Hands trail down his back, before skipping over and trailing back up his thighs. It's causing anticipation, and he pleads for something he doesn't even know yet. 

"Spread your legs a little, baby," Richie's voice is the softest he's ever heard it. Stan takes in a deep breath before he spreads his legs, his face burning. 

"Good boy," Richie hums and Stan can feel his breath on his skin. 

He almost jumps when a kiss is pressed right to his tailbone, and suddenly Richie's intentions are clear. He grips the pillow under his head and shudders and the light touches. 

Richie continues to press kisses, some to his back, some to his thighs, before he's pressing some into the soft cheeks of Stan's ass. The feeling has Stan breathing a shuddery breath.  At times, he can even feel Richie's glasses press into him and the thought of it almost makes him laugh. 

His eyes widen when he feels thumbs spreading him even further apart and even more exposed. When the first lick come, it's followed by a moan. 

"Richie, I don't-" Stan gasps when Richie presses his tongue against him again. The feeling is so new, unknown, and _good_. It's so much better than he could ever think it would be. 

"What is it, baby? How's that feel?" Richie asks, pulling his face back but keeping a thumb rubbing down on Stan's hole. 

"Ungh, good, please, yes, don't stop, I want, ah-" Stan's pleads are cut off when Richie smirks and presses an open mouthed kiss on him. 

 Stan's body begins to press desperately into the towel and sheets underneath him, no longer caring about dignity because he just feels so good. He doesn't want this pleasure to ever stop. He grinds his hips in small circles into the mattress, and Richie encourages him. 

Stan lets out another moan when Richie's teeth come into play, gently dragging across the sensitive skin down there, before his tongue is back. His back arches when Richie's tongue actually dips _in_ , the sensation enough to make him cry out. It's moments like these that Richie really shows off his experience. 

Stan keeps letting out these mumbled versions of "yes" and "please" and it's the hottest thing Richie has ever heard. It's enough to make him reach one hand down to wrap around himself, his movements slow and languid, in no rush to finish out the job. His priority is Stan right now. 

He didn't expect Stan to be so eager to do this, or to even like it, but he thinks he's just unlocked an un-opened door for the both of them.

With Richie's tongue and his grinding into the bed, Stan feels himself tipping the edge pretty soon. He fights it, not wanting this to end just yet, but then Richie bites down just slightly and he's finished. He gives a small cry of "Richie!" and his hips stutter, still seeking the friction for those last few moments. 

Richie helps work him through it, only pulling away when the shaking of Stan's body is from overstimulation. He wipes his mouth, and moves up the bed to take maneuver and almost unresponsive Stan and to remove the towel from where it bunched up underneath him. He uses the clean parts of it to continue wiping the evidence off of Stan's stomach. 

He places it aside, laying onto his back and letting Stan rest on his chest. 

"I love you," Richie says again, still getting used to the fact that he can say that whenever he wants. Stan shyly meets his eyes, still processing what just happened. His body still feels tingly and sluggish, a nap sounds really good right now. 

But his leg brushes against something that has definitely not been taken care of. A new set of nerves shoot through him when he thinks about what he wants to do next. 

"Can I?" He asks tentatively, vaguely gesturing to Richie's still very present hard on. Richie clears his throat. "Only if you want to. If not, don't worry about it, it'll go away on its own."

Stan hums and reaches down, not having the confidence to actually watch his own movements. Instead, he presses his own kiss to Richie's chest. 

Richie's skin feels hot and wet against his hand, and gives an experimental pump. Richie groans and his head falls back, so Stan focuses on that. His thumb finds the precum on Richie's tip and he uses that make his movements smoother and faster. 

When he finally gains a rhythm, the room is filled with slick sounds and Richie's moans. 

"Doing so well, holy shit, Stan," Richie groans out, his hips starting to rise off the bed on their own accord. Stan watches in total wonder as he makes the boy he loves fall apart. 

It isn't long before Richie is stilling with a breathed out "Holy shit, holy shit, holy shit," and he's spilling all over Stan's hand.  Stan never takes his eyes off him. He did that. He caused that reaction.

Richie pants and they lay there for a couple minutes before Richie picks the towel back up to wipe off Stan's hand. 

"Thank you, baby," Richie says as he presses a kiss to Stan's forehead. 

Stan settles back on to Richie's chest, mumbling a soft "Love you, Richie," before he's dozing off, not even bothering to put on his clothes. Richie grins, and pulls the blanket over them, pulling Stan even closer to him. He dozes off shortly after. 


	27. Chapter 27

Stan thinks that waiting for his parents to show is a lot like walking on ice. He knows the ice is going to break, but there's no way to turn back. He knows at any moment, they'll be there and he'll fall through the ice. 

But he also feels like Richie is a life jacket. He may fall through the cracks, but there is no danger of drowning. Richie is there with him, backing him up, and making him brave to face his parents. 

They've stayed in their dorm, only leaving to go get food and other necessities. Well, Richie has. Stan has no intentions of venturing outside until he absolutely has to. It's already been almost a week since Stan ran away, and it's a little confounding that his parents haven't shown yet, He wonders why they're waiting. A part of him wonders if they've given up on him, no longer willing to fight him on his sexuality. 

The thing is, Stan doesn't want his parents to leave his life. He knows they will never agree on how he lives his life, but he hopes that won't be the breaking point for their entire relationship. 

He sits at his desk while Richie is out getting some cough drops for Stan. He feels okay again, but there's a cough that refuses to go away. 

He's reading a book that Bill had given him to borrow. As suspected, it's a suspense thriller, Bill's favorite, but Stan is too lost in his thoughts to focus on the plot. 

He stops to look out the window, seeing the snow covered branches of the tree outside their dorm. He wishes it was spring, when all the birds will come back and he'd get to take more pictures. His camera sits left on his nightstand, so far only being used to snap more picture of Richie while they've stayed here together. 

He takes a drink of the coffee he made when he woke up. It's cooled off quite a bit, but it's still warm enough for comfort. 

He almost chokes on his drink when there's a knock at his door. There are three knocks, evenly timed apart and that's how Stan knows who it is. He begins to panic, Richie isn't here, he can't do this by himself. He isn't ready for this like he thought he was. He knows that they won't go away and there's not telling how long Richie will be gone. 

He breathes shakily, reaching for the small mirror he keeps in his drawer. One thing his parents taught him was that presentation can make or break you. If you look a mess, no one will take you seriously. It's one of the reasons Stan is so particular about the way he looks to this day. 

He grimaces at his bed hear, pushing his hands through it to try and flatten it down. And that's when he spots the hickeys. What was left over from the original ones have been covered with new ones, and there is no way Stan can talk to his parents with hickeys on his neck that his boyfriend gave him. 

He frantically looks around his closet, knowing that he packed a turtle neck. He finds it towards the back, and pulls it on hastily. 

He takes a deep breath and turns to walk to the door. 

When he opens it, his mother is standing on the other side. She looks like she's aged since the last time he saw her which what less than a week ago. Her eyes have new wrinkles and they look tired. They hold a sadness that Stan will never understand. His father is no where in sight. 

He clears his throat and opens the door wider, allowing her to come in. She walks in without saying a word. She peers around the room, before finally deciding to take a seat where Stan had just been sitting at his desk. 

He stands there for a split second, not sure if he should stay standing, but ultimately decides to go sit on his actual bed. He sits on the edge, letting his feet rest on the floor and his back straight. 

They sit there in silence, not meeting each other's eyes. 

"Your father decided to stay home. He sends his regards," She says eventually, but he knows it's out of politeness. His father chose not to come because he doesn't want to deal with Stan's problems. He probably never said anything about telling Stan anything. 

But Stan nods anyway. 

There's another moment of awkward silence. 

"You really scared us when you ran away," She states. Her voice is small, and it's in that moment that he realizes that she doesn't want to have this talk either. He feels anger flash through him towards his dad for making her come by herself. 

"I didn't have a choice," He mumbles and she finally looks up to look at him. 

"You did have a choice. You could have gone to that institute. They could have helped you, Stanley, but you ran away," She says and her words sound like she should be angry, but her tone is sad and defeated. 

"I think we both know it wouldn't have. Mother, we've tried for years to stop it, but it's just not something you can control. I like boys. I haven't said that since that first night I told you, but there's no doubt in my mind," Stan says. Seeing his mother in such a vulnerable state has brought on a new confidence for him to speak what he really feels. 

Her eyes lower again, and she stares at the floor. Her head nods slowly.

"I know. I think I've always known, but I didn't want to," She raises her head back up and there are tears in her eyes. This is the first time Stan has ever seen her cry. "You know we only did it because we care about you, Stanley. We want what's best for you."

"I don't think making me hate myself for years could ever be beneficial for me. Even if you thought your intentions were good, you did it wrong. I'm gonna live the rest of my life thinking those things that you let Rabbi Harlow say to me, and I hate that. You should have seen me when I first moved here. I couldn't talk to other people. I couldn't even look at them without almost having a panic attack. I refuse to live my life like that anymore. I want to be free," Stan is surprised by his own courage to speak to his mother that way. He's never stood up for himself like that before. He feels the victory of it and only wishes his father was here to see him. 

"Stanley, you don't understand. We did it because we love you," His mother's voice shakes. She brings out a tissue from her pocket to dab at her eyes, and he feels saddened that she prepared for the fact that the would cry. 

"No. You did it because you wanted to change me. If you really loved me, you would have let me be myself without trying to brainwash and emotionally abuse me," Stan snaps back. 

She looks shocked. Her mouth opens and closes, but she never finds the words to say. 

They sit there in another awkward silence. 

"So, what about my school?" Stan asks quietly. 

She sighs and stares out the window, much like Stan was doing when she arrived. 

"I do love you, Stanley, even if you think I don't. I'll talk to your father. Your schooling will still be paid for as long as I don't hear about any trouble you get in," She says and turns back to him. Her face softens when she sees his light up.

"Even if I change my major to photography?" He asks tentatively, not trying to push his luck, but he feels like she's finally understanding. 

She actually smiles, something Stan can't even remember the last time he saw, and shakes her head. 

"I won't tell your father if you don't," Is her answer and he's never felt more excited for where his life's headed. 

She dabs the excess tears on her cheek and throws her tissue away, before she's standing up and dusting herself off. She picks up her purse and when she passes him, she stops like she's going to reach out for him, but she stops herself and moves past him. 

She does stop, however, right before she touches the door.

"That boy-" She stops and swallows, looking at Stan to answer the question she doesn't want to ask. 

"I love him," Stan answers and that's all she needs to know. They agree on that point. 

Her face is unreadable as she nods her head and slips out of the room without a final goodbye. 

~~~

When Richie walks through the door with a couple bags, he's immediately tackled by an ecstatic Stan. 

"Woah, there Stanny, let a guy get through the door, yea?" He says and smiles when Stan laughs. God, he loves that laugh. 

Stan waits for him to set the bags down and Richie leans against his desk while bringing Stan to stand between his legs, kissing him hard. 

"My mother came by," Stan mumbles when Richie starts to make his way to Stan's neck. The boy freezes and pulls back, looking at him with wide eyes, not believing he broke that news when he was about to suck a mark into his skin. 

"Wait, what? Holy shit, what did I miss?" He asks and takes Stan's hand and leads him to the bed where Stan waits for Richie to sit down before he climbs into his lap. Richie is still getting used to the amount of contact that Stan always wants, but he's never going to complain about having his boy in his lap. 

Stan grins and straddles Richie's lap, reaching up to push Richie's hair away from his face, giggling when Richie makes a weird face. 

"They're going to pay for school, and-" He shrieks when Richie grabs his sides in excitement. "AND, let me finish, and-" Stan's voice softens as they stare at each other, no longer playing and laughing as they wait for Stan to announce the news. "I'm changing my major to photography."

Richie's eyes light up at the sentence. This is working out so much better than he ever hoped. 

"That's amazing, baby. God, I'm so happy for you," Richie says and brings Stan in to his chest in a tight hug. Stan hugs him back with one arm, letting the other stay and play with Richie's hair. 

Stan leans down to press another kiss to Richie's mouth.

"Come with me," He breathes when he pulls back. 

Richie smiles, but he frowns in confusion. "You don't need me to go change your major," He replies, letting his hands rub up and down Stan's sides. 

"No, but you will need to be there to finally pick yours," Stan quips back, watching Richie's reaction. 

"What? I haven't picked my major," Richie begins, but he looks towards his nightstand, where the sketchbook that Stan bought him sits. He smiles softly, before facing Stan again  who gives him a knowing look. 

 "Well, I guess we'd better go talk to our advisers," He says and falls back on to his back, bringing Stan with him. 

~~~

Stan waits for Richie to get out of his meeting with his adviser. He's already finished his, meeting with the art department's head of photography, who helped explain what would be required for the major change. He's already changed two of his classes for the Spring semester. 

He's actually excited about his classes now. 

He spots Richie coming out and walks up to greet him halfway. 

"So?" Stan asks expectantly. they both had brought along a small portfolio to bring to their meetings, and Richie carries his by his side. 

"He thinks I'll be a great fit. I take my first college art class starting 10 a.m. Monday morning. The semester officially starts in three days, meaning it's their last weekend stress free. The other losers have already started to come back, the only one still at home being Mike. 

"Things are finally looking up, huh?" Stan asks, falling in step beside Richie. 

"You're telling me," Richie says and brushes his hand against Stan's. Stan instinctively pulls his hand back. 

"Sorry, I forgot," Richie apologizes and takes a step away from Stan to put distance between them. Stan doesn't like it one bit.  

He takes the step back and takes Richie's hand in his own. Richie looks at him in shock, before grinning ans squeezing his hand back. They walk all the way back to their dorm holding hands. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One, maybe two more chapters left! A couple of people have asked for a one shot on Bill and Eddie's relationship after this, and if that's what you guys want, I'm more than willing to write it.


	28. Chapter 28

Stan smiles when he finishes hanging up the last photo. He's chosen to finally decorate his side of the room and he's using the pictures he's taken over the last year to do it. 

Classes started about a month ago and he's absolutely loving his beginner's photography class. There are so many tips about lighting and angles that Stan had never even considered before.  

He keeps his wall simple, lining the pictures into rows and columns. He keeps it neat and simple, but it still makes him happy to finally have something on the bare wall. He gets off his bed to step back and make sure that all the pictures are straight and evenly spaced before he's satisfied. 

He checks the time, remembering that he's supposed to meet Bev for lunch today. Ever since the night they picked him up, his relationship with all of the other losers has grown. He's even hung out with Eddie on their own and that's something he never thought would happen. It turns out that they actually have a lot in common. 

He and Bill still have their afternoon cafe meets, but now only on a couple days of the weeks instead of everyday. He barely passed, but passed nonetheless, his chemistry course and his stress level has gone down noticeably. He's even gotten a pay raise at his job which allowed him to cut down a few hours and he and Eddie have definitely taken advantage of his new free time. 

He's taken to occasionally running with Mike, and sometimes Ben joins in too. He honestly doesn't think there's anyway he can be happier. 

His parents have not reached out to him except once call from his mother, asking him how his semester was going. It was an awkward conversation, but he still appreciated her effort. He has yet to hear from his father. 

One development over this new semester is his new word-study job. Taken advantage of his math skills, he tutors struggling students who are having trouble passing their zero level courses. He works a few hours each week, but it's not enough that he doesn't have time to study or hangout with the losers. Plus the little extra money has been great because he's trying not to use his parents' credit card as much. He's still walking a thin line and he doesn't want to make one wrong step. 

Richie has even taken a small part time at a local record shop, working a couple evenings a week. He loves it, and he's even brought a couple albums home himself. Stan smiles as he recalls the times he's laid next to Richie on their bed, the soft lighting from the setting sun outside and the tunes of music playing though the room, not loud enough to bother anyone else in the dorm hall. They were pressed together, not able to separate even for casual interaction, as Richie pointed to the posters on his wall of bands that were now playing out loud. 

Even if Stan wasn't particularly fond of the music, he loved to hear the fascination and joy in Richie's voice as he sang along and gave small descriptions of each music artist. 

Stan walks over to put on his shoes, grabbing a jacket on his way, before walking out. He walks to the small restaurant, following Bev's directions before he meets the red haired girl waiting outside for him.

The spot she chose has an inside area with big windows that showcase the busy street in front of them, but Stan has found that people watching is a lot more fun when there's someone to do it with. 

They order their lunch, settling down and Bev immediately falls into a story about how cool her history professor is, despite being almost a hundred years ago. Stan smiles and hums in the right places, genuinely interested in hearing her speak but not feeling like doing much himself. 

Richie texted him halfway through their meal, letting him know that he got out of class early and that they should meet up and go get a little shopping done. Beverly had eagerly agreed to come with, not wanting to go back to her own apartment where a project waited for her to finish. 

When Stan catches sight of Richie walking through the door, he smiles at his hair, now sticking up in weird ways because of the wind. Richie greets him with a kiss, fondly rolling his eyes at Beverly's and Stan's chuckles. Stan reaches up to fix it despite the fact that it will just get messed up again when they leave. 

They make their way to the nearest shopping center, not talking much because of the cold air. 

Stan takes responsibility of the shopping cart, knowing Bev and Richie's history with grocery adventures. They only need a couple things, but it's routine for him to grab one. 

"Hey, Stan," Richie calls while they're in the produce section. Stan looks over to find Richie holding two big tomatoes. "I just wanted you to know that I love you from my head to-ma-toes," He says with a mischievous grin and Stan roll his eyes in response, not trying to encourage the boy. 

"Ew, Richie, that was so "corny"," Bev says as she holds up a corn stalk, holding it in a presenting way. Richie cackles and gives her a fist bump while Stan turns and walks away, pretending not to know them. 

The two snicker behind him, sharing their lame grocery puns and Stan would never admit that he smiled at a couple of them. Dorks. 

There are a few snacks in their cart when Stan remembers he's out of hair products. They walk over to the personal hygiene section, and Richie and Bev wait while Stan browses. 

He picks out his usual shampoo and conditioner, but he pauses when he reaches out to grab his curl tamer. There's the coconut scented one he's thought of buying before, right next to his usual unscented one. He begins to have an inner debate in his head about the scents of hair products having no influence on who he is as a person when a pale arm reaches out to grab the coconut one. It's Bev's.

"This one's a lot more you, don't you think?" She asks casually, but Stan knows what she's doing. He shouldn't have needed it, but the simple gesture has given him permission to buy what he wants, not what others have taught him to accept. 

"I do," He gives her a thankful smile before placing it in the cart. Richie watches them from a couple feet away, feeling a burst of pride shoot through him.  

They finish their shopping before they check out. Bev leaves them at the door, deciding to finally go finish her project at home. But the boys know that Ben just conveniently got done with his lab, but they keep that information to themselves. 

Richie takes the couple of bags they have and Stan grabs his other hand. It's confidence like that that still surprise Richie. 

They walk down the street holding hands, and Richie can't help but glance at Stan occasionally from the corner of his eye. He waits for Stan to retract his hand every time they pass someone or a group of people, but Stan holds tight. 

They stop at a street vendor for a pretzel to snack on and Stan seems content to hold his food in one hand and Richie's hand in the other. 

Because he's getting braver everyday. He's becoming bolder in who he is. He asks for what he wants, he says what he thinks, and he's finally being who he was meant to be.  

~~~

 

One night when he's pressed against Richie's side before they slip off to sleep, Stan realizes that at the end of this semester will be summer break. Which means going home. And Stan knows that there's no way that's going to happen. He would literally rather sleep on the streets. He wonders what would happen if he even asked to come back home. Would his parents let him? Would they insist that he's made his choice and now he has to live with it? 

Richie feels him tense up and stops his smoothing of Stan's hair. 

"What's wrong?" He frowns. They're both still in clothes and he hasn't said anything for the last twenty minutes. Not that Stan even still gets uncomfortable with intimacy; they passed that ship awhile ago. 

"Rich, I don't know what I'm going to do for the summer," Stan explains, and lifts himself off the boy's chest to prop himself up on his elbow. Now that he's thought about it, he knows he won't be able to relax until he figures out what he's going to do. 

Richie sighs and puts both hands behind his head, turning to stare up at the ceiling. Now it's Stan's turn to frown. "What is it?"

Richie swallows and Stan is puzzled to see him act so nervous. In turn, it's making him anxious. "Richie?"

Richie turns to him and his face soften at Stan's slightly alarmed one. He reaches up to gently caress Stan's cheek.

"I was going to wait before I asked you, I was scared it was too soon," His voice comes out deep and quiet, like he doesn't want to say what he's about to. 

"Ask me what?" Stan questions, feeling small tingles in his stomach. It amazes him how well he knows Richie, yet conversations like this still make him nervous. Of course, he trusts Richie. But there's always that gnawing sense of doubt in the back of his mind and it really likes to come out when there's an unspoken detail between them. 

Richie grabs Stan's hand and brings it up to his view, gently playing with his fingers. He keeps playing with them, before he continues. 

"Bill and Eddie were looking for some cheaper apartments to move into, something about their lease going up, when they found one not too far from here," Richie says. Stan nods, not sure what Bill and Eddie have anything to do with his summer living arrangements. 

"Well, anyway, they think it's perfect. It's close to the school and has good reviews. It's really affordable too," Richie says, now seeming to ramble about the apartment. 

"Hold on, I don't understand. Why are you talking about this?" Stan interjects.

"It's a two bedroom, babe. They want to share it with us," Richie finally states. 

Oh. _Oh_.

Richie wants him to move in with them. He wants to live with him. Stan freezes when he realizes what's being offered. A place that he'd share with not just Richie, but with Bill and Eddie, too. A place that would become his home for probably the next couple years. 

But, wow, that is a big deal. What if something happens? What if he and Richie break up? He hates to think about it, but he has to be realistic. But then again, he knows that even if they did break up, there's no way they would kick out onto the streets. 

Richie watches the boy's hesitation, before the begins rambling again, trying to win Stan over. 

"I know I just kind of sprung this on you, but it's such a good deal and it's not even that expensive. If we all just got part time jobs, we could afford it easily. Plus, it's not like we don't already share a bed, so that won't be new to us. And Eddie's a neat freak so you don't have to worry about me and Bill trashing the place, and-"

"Okay."

Richie hesitates after Stan gives his one worded answer. 

"...Okay?" 

Stan smiles softly, brushing some of Richie's hair from his face. "I would love to move in with you guys."

Richie looks at him in amazement before a grin spreads across his face. Stan matches it and lays back down to press his face into the crook of Richie's neck. It's his favorite place. Richie's arm wraps around him and his fingers tangle in his hair. 

"It's going to be so fun, you just watch," Richie promises, and Stan kisses him. He believes him. 

"I can't wait," Stan responds, before his eyes close and he drifts off, happy and warm in Richie's arms.   
 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pretty short, but there's only one more chapter!! Crazy


	29. Chapter 29

There's only two weeks left of his freshman year, which means everyone is in a frenzy to study for finals and last minute extra credit. But what Stan really feels nervous about is the meeting he's about to attend for the first time ever. 

Genesis is having their last meeting for school year in ten minutes, and Stan's hands are clammy where they're resting in his lap. He's sat next to Richie, on the aisle seat in case he needs to flee. The losers are all there, in support of Stan and his big step. The meeting isn't like one they usually have; it's more of a good-bye party and there are a lot of people there. 

He blinks in surprise when he realizes that the girl he sits by in his Comp 1 class has another girl on her arm as they walk in. They're comfortable, which means they must be regular members. He never even suspected. 

Richie smiles, relaxed, as he puts an arm on the back of Stan's chair. It's not obvious that they're together, but it's still a close proximity that Stan appreciates. 

A few people walk up and greet them, seeming to recognize Richie and Eddie the most, but still familiar with a couple of the others as well. Stan is introduced to all of them for the first time. 

Everyone is happy and mingling, holding cans of pop in their hands as they wait for whoever is going to speak to begin. Stan doesn't even realize that he's shaking his leg until Bev reaches over to stop it. 

He blushes and mumbles a "sorry," but they're all looking at him in concern now. 

"Stan, we can go if you're uncomfortable, okay? You don't have to do this," Richie whispers to him, replacing Bev's hand with his own on Stan's thigh. Stan stares at the hand before raising his eyes to meet Richie's. The others are still watching him, but they're trying not to make it obvious now, knowing he hates to have all the attention on him. 

"No, I want to do this," Stan mumbles, taking Richie's hand for his own comfort and looking around the room again. And he does. Sure, he's nervous. It's one thing to hold hands with Richie when they walk around campus, but to actually attend a LGBTQ+ club? It's nerve racking, but Stan feels determined to make this step. 

Richie squeezes his hand in response, not saying anything, but Stan knows he understands. 

Only a few more minutes pass before a girl with short, pink hair gets up at the podium in the front of the room. Richie informs him that she's the president. She's s senior, graduating with others a couple weeks time. She's met with applause and a couple whistles. 

She grins at the room, before she starts. 

"This year, we broke barriers. We started with five of us, and now this room is almost too small to hold all of us," Cheers meet her revelation, and Stan finds himself relaxing from then general excitement in the room. 

"Our fundraisers were a huge success, and we got out name out there with all of our hard work," She continues and the lights on the front of the room turn off as a projector lights up the wall behind her. There are pictures of every event that they participated in that year. Bakes sales, car washes, bonfires. Stan is captivated. Then the pictures of their community work, rainbow vested students picking up trash in the park, fixing an elderly man's broken down fence, painting murals on top of a graffitied building. Stan is almost shocked by how many times Eddie is in the pictures and he even spots Richie a few times too. 

The slideshow lasts about three minutes, and when it's over, the feeling in the room is even more intense than before. 

"Our time is up, but our work is not done. This club will continue to spread positivity and awareness on this campus and to everyone we meet. But there is one more matter of business to resolve before my time as your president comes to end. It is time to elect a new president," There are excited murmurs through the room at the idea. 

"I ask you all to consider someone who I think is the perfect fit for the job. I nominate Eddie Kraspak," She says and all eyes turn to Eddie. His eyes are wide in shock, apparently have not knowing this was planned. 

"Eddie, come up here," She says, and Bill has to practically push Eddie out of his chair where he's still paralyzed with shock. Eddie makes his way to the front of the room, accompanied with cheers. Bill looks on, full of pride and amazement. Stan cheers along with everyone else, no longer feeling and reservation. 

"Eddie has been here since day one. He's helped me in so many ways, reserving spaces and booths, making flyers, and social media pages. I may be the face of the organization, but Eddie has been the brains behind it. He's been here for every meeting and every event. I don't know if I can think of anyone more deserving of the position," She brags on Eddie and all the losers coo at how red his face is. 

"So, what do you say, Eddie? Do you accept the position of Genesis president?" She asks, turning to him. He grins and nods his head. "I accept," he says and meets her halfway in a hug. The room explodes, congratulating Eddie. Stan is right there with them. He never even knew how much Eddie participated in the club. 

They separate and she steps aside, letting Eddie take the podium. He looks out to his crowd, grinning when he meet's Bill's eyes. 

When the applause dies down, he begins his first meeting as president.

"The first goal we made, from the very beginning, was to be known. We wanted to make sure that anyone, no matter gender, sexual orientation, in the closet, out and open, or just curious, knew there was a place for them. We were met with some ignorance, names were called, there was even a complaint to have our club shut down," Eddie begins. "But that didn't stop us. Because Genesis is not about who like who or who identifies as what. It's about love and acceptance. We made this club for the sole purpose to love those who needed it and to provide them a place to be themselves. And to me, it is my biggest accomplishment."

His proclamation is met with whistles and Stan is pretty sure there isn't a dry eye in the room. 

"And we're going to continue loving people, no matter the response. Because the person who called you those names may not even know who they are. The person who said said mean things about the way you dress or how you look, is probably not even comfortable with themselves. And the asshole may just be an asshole. But if we helped just one person through whatever they're struggling with, loving all of them was worth it. I came to learn this by loving a friend I was sure I would never even forgive for the hateful things he said about homosexuality. Today, he and his boyfriend are going strong and by finally loving himself, he's able to love everyone around him so much stronger."

Stan feels a lump in his throat and his face burns, but no one turns to look at him. They have no idea that he's that friend. Richie squeezes his hand, and when Stan looks at him, he raises Stan's hand to press a kiss to his knuckles. 

"And that's what we're going to continue to do. We're going to spread love to as many people as we can. Over the summer, I encourage everyone to think of new ways to do this. Our first mission, when we come back, is to welcome all the new freshmen who need a place to belong. I'll see you all in the fall," he finishes and the cheers are so loud that Stan's ears are still ringing five minutes later. Eddie returns to the losers and everyone is enjoying the refreshments and music, not wanting to leave just yet. 

"You did amazing," Bill hugs him tightly and presses a kiss to his temple. 

Stan watches as others start to surround him, congratulating him and speaking excitedly for the next year. 

He feels a tap on his shoulder and turns around to see Richie and Bev standing behind him with another guy Stan has never met. But their intention becomes clear when he recognized the black kippah resting on the boy's short hair in the back. 

"Stan, this Alex. He's a regular member," Bev introduces and Stan politely reaches out to shake the boy's hand. 

"Oh, look Rich, it's Autumn. Let's go say hi," She says tugs Richie away, but not before Richie presses a kiss to Stan's forehead. 

"Is that your boyfriend?" Alex asks, gesturing to Richie's retreating back. Stan grins as he watches them leave, nodding his head. 

"How long have you been together?" 

"About seven months," Stan answers. 

"Well, then I guess I wasn't dragged over here to be set up," Alex jokes and Stan snickers. 

"I'd say it has more to do with the kippah you're wearing," Stan says, pointing to his own. Alex smiles knowingly. 

"Do you struggle with it?" Alex asks, leading him to a couple of chairs towards the wall and further away from the noise. 

"I did. I still do, but I think I'm doing better," Stan responds. 

"Parents?"

"Yea."

"I get that. My boyfriend's parents had a hard time with it at first. Mine were pretty cool," He takes a drink of his soda, watching Stan over the edge to see if he got the small detail. 

Stan nods slowly, before laughing and Alex joins in. 

"Hey, where do you go?" Alex asks and Stan frowns. 

"Go where?" 

"Synagogue."

"I've been going to the one a couple blocks from here, the one with the brown archway," Stan describes. Alex hums.

"I know what you're talking about, but I don't know anyone that goes there. You should try coming to synagogue with me and Simon. It's modern and a lot of younger people go to it. There'e quite a few kids from school there too," Alex says, entering the address into Stan's phone when he passes it to him. 

"Thanks, I would love to," Stan grins and Alex smiles. They talk for a little longer, making small talk before Stan looks over to see Richie staring at him. Alex notices and chuckles.

"Boyfriend calls, I see," he says and stands up. "It was nice meeting you, Stan."

"You, too," Stan says goodbyes and walks over to the other losers. Richie pulls him into his side and they leave, walking into the cool night air, feeling free and happy.

~~~

Stan is surrounded by presents when he wakes up, laying alone on his and Richie's bed in their new apartment. It's mid-June and next week, they will have been moved in for a whole month. It's been a nice transition. Instead of waking up early for class, he's been able to sleep in before getting up to head to his job at his and Bill's favorite cafe. Richie and Bill still have their jobs, and Eddie now works part-time at a local thrift store. They make enough to support themselves and still go out every once in awhile.

Mike went back to the farm, but he comes up practically every weekend, so they don't have to go too long without seeing him. Ben and Bev stayed in their own apartment, only a twenty minute drive away.

Stan loves coming home from work and seeing one or more of the others already there to welcome him. They all eat dinner together unless someone has a late shift. They watch t.v. together until they decide they're ready for bed and they separate into their respective bedrooms. Stan is already used to sharing a room with Richie, so it's not a struggle. Stan is quite happy with whole arrangement. 

He doesn't know when Richie got up, but he's the first one Stan seeks out when his eyes have trouble adjusting and recognizing all the faces around him. 

It's his birthday. 

As soon as the others process that he's awake, they're all pressing closer and wishing him "Happy Birthday!" He's smiling so hard that his cheeks hurt. Mike clears a couple of the presents away to place a plate full of breakfast food in Stan's lap once he sits up. Stan's eyes light up when he recognizes the potato latkes with egg benedict on top. There's even a candle sticking out from the top. One evening, Stan and Mike were hanging out and Stan had explained all the foods that he chooses to eat or not eat and ever since, Mike has been trying creative recipes to experiment on Stan with. So far, Stan has been extremely impressed by each one. 

He takes bites between opening the presents pushed towards him. Mike got him a personalized camera strap that has his initials imprinted on the leather. Bev bought him a few face care products that is a lot more excited about then he would have expected to be. Ben bought him a few books about bird watching that Richie had to pry out of his hands before he opened one to read the whole thing. Bill and Eddie combined their gift and it's a git bag full of different colored kippahs. 

"I noticed you only ever wear a black and gray one, so I thought you could use some more choices," Eddie explains.

Stan looks at the colors in his hands. They're not eccentric, just pale colors that could really match just about anything. It's something his father would hate to see on him and something Stan would have never considered buying himself. He loves them. 

"Wait, there's one more," Eddie says when Stan goes  to move the bag away. Stan frowns and dips back into the bed to grab the last kippah. 

It's rainbow. 

"You obviously don't have to wear it, but I saw it and immediately though of you," Eddie explains when the room goes silent at the sight of the material. 

Finally, Stan grins. "I love it."

The rest follow and Stan insists on putting it on before he continues opening anything else. He gets a few shirts, and a bathing suit, with Bev's proclamation that "It's summer, you have to have a bathing suit for swimming."

The last present is from Richie. It's in small, classy box with a ribbon keeping it closed. 

Stan carefully unties the ribbon, and inside lays a beautiful Star of David necklace. It's silver and simple and Stan thinks it's perfect. 

Richie carefully takes it from him and unclasps it put it on him. 

"Beautiful," Richie says, not even looking at the necklace. 

"Alright, that's enough, you can birthday fuck later, we have to get going," Bev says and the others all snicker at a now blushing Stan and Richie. 

They all took the day off to celebrate Stan's birthday and they made the plans to take Stan for a day out in the city, doing anything and everything they come across. 

They go to a couple museums, the idea coming from Mike and Ben. Stan appreciates all the art and significance of it all. 

It's Bill's idea to hit up a local food festival for lunch, finding all different kinds of vendors and odd creations that turn out to be delicious. 

Bev and Richie insist on going to a free music fest in the park to just chill out for awhile. Stan frowns when he hears his phone ringing in his pocket. All the losers are here, so he doesn't know who could be calling. 

His face pales slightly when he see "Mom" on the caller I.D.

"Hello?" He answers.

"Hello, Stanley," His mother replies and there's an awkward silence. All of their phone calls have been like this, neither of them quite knowing what to say. 

"I just wanted to call and wish you a happy birthday. Are you celebrating?" She asks. 

"Kind of. I'm with my friends," He answers, watching Eddie doze off where he's leaning against Bill's chest. 

"I see. Before I let you go, your father wants to speak to you, hold on," she says and Stan's eyes widen. He hasn't spoken to his father since the break between semesters. 

"Stanley?" His father's voice rings out over the phone. 

"Yea?" Stan whispers, looking straight ahead. 

"Happy birthday, son," He says and Stan feels like crying, but they're happy tears. It's not an apology or even an "I love you" but it's something. It's a step forward. 

"Thank you, father," He says weakly, not able to trust his voice. 

"I'll let you go now," His father hesitates, probably feeling as awkward as Stan does. 

"Okay."

"Good-bye."

"Bye."

Stan hangs up the phone and he doesn't tell anyone who it was but they all have a good idea. But instead of feeling sad and angry like he used to after a call from his parents, he seems pleased and relaxed. They like the look on him.

Eddie ends it with deciding to watch a movie in the park, under the stars. They all huddle close, limbs spread out, not caring who's laying on who. Stan ends up with his head leaning on Richie's shoulder and his legs sprawled out across Mike's lap. The air is warm, but once the sun starts to go down, it becomes more comfortable. Ben and Bill pull out some food they got earlier and they all have a light dinner of various fruits and sandwiches. They even surprise Stan with some small cupcakes. 

When the movie ends, they decide to all head home, some of them having work the next morning. 

The four head back to their apartment and Bill and Eddie inform them that they're going to go out for some ice cream and they leave before Richie can say something stupid, like asking if they can go too. 

Eddie gives a knowing look to Stan right before he leaves and it has Stan's stomach in knots. 

He goes to his and Richie's bedroom and sit downs on the edge of the bed, playing with the comforter while Richie heads to the bathroom.

He's been thinking about this night for a long time, but he didn't realize it could be this actual night until Eddie had given him the perfect opportunity. Eddie's pretty good about reading those kinds of things. 

Sex is a big step, but Stan feels positive that he and Richie are ready for it. 

"It's my birthday and I want you to make love to me," He says boldly when Richie comes back from the bathroom after a shower. There's only a towel around his waist and Stan watches as a drop of water slowly falls down Richie's chest. His body reacts to it with a pang of arousal. 

Richie's eyes widen, not even knowing that this was something Stan was considering. Sure, they've done other things, pretty regularly when he thinks about it, but last he knew, Stan was terrified of the idea of sex before marriage. Now that the's looking at him though, that face is anything but terrified. 

"Oh, yea?" Richie says softly, walking over to where Stan is perched on the bed. He's still in his day clothes, not having changed from when they got back from hanging out with the others. 

Stan spreads his legs, allowing Richie to stand between them. He pliantly leans his head back when Richie uses one hand to guide him, before Richie leans down to press a kiss to his lips. One hand cradles his jaw while the others grips firmly at his hair, but it doesn't hurt. 

Stan places his own hands on Richie's bare skin, but thinks better and tugs the towel away. Richie lets out breathy chuckle but it's cut off when Stan immediately starts to pump him. He wasn't hard when they started to kiss, but with Stan's hands on him and his tongue in his mouth, he's quickly getting there. 

"Yea," Stan finally responds when Richie breaks the kiss to let out a small, "Holy fuck."

He watches Richie's face as he continues to slide his hand up and down. He vaguely thinks back to the time they were first intimate and he feels a fire shoot through him at the thought of doing that for Richie. 

Richie has his eyes closed and his head leaned back as he clings to Stan's shoulders through his movements. 

"You always make me feel so good, Richie," Stan says and Richie hums in response. "Now, I want to make you feel good."

Richie'e eyes snap open to stare at Stan is surprise. 

"What- are you sure?" 

Stan nods and he waits for Richie to nod his frantic yes, before he's leaning his head in and licking the head of Richie's erection. He hears Richie's hitched breath and pulls back again. He's only ever done this one other time, but he's still surprised by the feeling of it. 

Stan leans in again to take the head of Richie's cock in his mouth, matching Richie's groan with a hum. He relaxes his jaw and takes Richie farther, stopping when he reaches the back of his throat. There are already tears forming in his eyes, but that doesn't stop him from looking up to meet Richie's gaze. 

"Doing so good, fuck, Stan, you're so beautiful," Richie moans when Stan swallows around him, the hot wetness of his mouth exquisite around him. 

Stan pulls back until his lips are ghosting the head before sliding back down again. He uses his fingers to pump what his mouth doesn't reach. When he starts to feel confident in his abilities, he begins a slow bob of his head, remembering to suck every now and again. Richie makes sure to let him know how good it feels with constant reassurances and moans. Not that Stan couldn't tell from how hard Richie is in his mouth. 

The taste is salty, not unpleasant, and Stan finds himself growing more and more used to it with each bob of his head. He pulls completely off and string of saliva follows him. He coughs barely, and Richie is immediately pushing his hair away from his face and making him look up before he's breathing his thanks in a kiss. He reaches down to slide his shirt off before gently pushing Stan onto his back. 

"Going to take such good care of you, I love you so much, baby," Richie whispers into the shell of Stan's ear and Stan whimpers. 

Richie makes quick work of the button and zipper of Stan's pants, pulling both them and his underwear down in one go. Stan still feels his face flush at being so exposed, but the arousal and want quickly make him forget about it. 

He's half-hard already, and Richie gives him a few tugs to release some of the pressure before he's moving him up the bed again, to where his head is on the pillows. 

"Are you still sure?" Richie asks, after he's grabbed the lube and a condom from their nightstand. Stan eyes the objects, but nods his head. He hasn't had any doubt in what he's wanted since he first started to want it. 

Richie presses a firm kiss to his lips and gently rubs all the skin that he comes into contact with, trying his best to make Stan more relaxed. 

"How do you want it?" He asks gently, wrapping his finger in a curl before letting it spring loose and starting again. 

"I think...Like this? Is this okay?" Stan asks, gesturing to the way Richie is looming over him. He knows he wants to be able to see and he doesn't feel comfortable being on top yet. 

"Stanley, I don't know where I went wrong to let you think that anything you wanted would be less than okay," Richie mumbles against his neck before he's attaching himself to the area of skin and pulling it into his mouth. He hears Stan gasp and a hand comes to tangle into his hair, keeping him in place while he bites and nips at the spot until a nice bruise is in its place. 

 He makes his way down Stan's body, pausing to leave hickeys along the way and pressing kisses into places he's found that Stan is most sensitive in. 

Richie maneuvers them to where he's sitting between Stan's thighs, his legs spread out on either side of him. 

"I'm not going to lie, this is going to feel really weird at first," Richie warns as he pours some lube over his fingers and warms them up. Stan looks nervous at that statement, so he presses a kiss to the inside of Stan's thigh which has him tensing up with anticipation. 

Richie moves the lube aside and leans down to press his index finger against Stan's rim. The muscle tenses at the contact and Richie has to talk Stan through on his breathing before the boy's relaxed enough to let him in. 

Richie pushes his finger inside slowly, stopping when it's only halfway to check on how Stan is doing. His eyes are clenches shut and he's biting his lip. Richie doesn't move until Stan opens his eyes and nods at him. The rest of his finger goes in more smoothly. 

Richie stays close to Stan, pressing praises into his skin and encouraging him to relax until one finger becomes two and two becomes three, and before they both know it, Stan is letting out whimpers and whines when Richie curls his fingers a certain way. 

His erection had been slowly dying, but now with the unexpected pleasure from Richie's fingers along with the never ending praise, he's harder than ever before. It doesn't help when Richie decides to take him into his mouth, swallowing him down while curling his fingers into that spot. 

Stan's vision almost goes white and he thinks it's a miracle that he doesn't come. 

"Please, Richie, now, want you," He pleads and Richie pulls off of him with a 'pop'. The sight and sound make Stan groan. Richie slowly retracts his fingers, leaving Stan feeling empty and frustrated. He watches Richie expertly roll on the condom. He sits up to take Richie's neglected hard on in his hand, pumping him while Richie pours some more lube over the head. They kiss messily, tongues tangling and when they pull back, both their lips are swollen and kissed bruised. 

Stan lays back down and the nervousness returns when Richie moves to hover over him. They stare at each other, feeling a sense of closeness and intimacy for the other.

"I love you," Richie says.

"I love you, too," Stan whispers. 

"I need you to tell me what you want," Richie states and presses a small kiss to Stan's jaw. 

"You, I want you, please," Stan whimpers.

He feels Richie's dick line up before he starts to slowly push inside and Stan's eyes clench shut again. It's a lot more than the three fingers, and it stretches a lot. Richie was right, it does feel weird. 

"Stan? Are you okay?" Richie asks, letting his hands roam Stan's body in an attempt to soothe in anyway he can. 

"Yea, just-" Stan grunts out, trying to shift before hissing when in turn, Richie shifts inside him. "Feels- ah, different, sorry."

"Don't apologize, baby. Do you want me to pull out?" Richie asks softly.

"N-No, just give me a minute," Stan pants and Richie coos, murmuring how well he's doing. 

Eventually, the sudden stretch doesn't make him feel like he can't breathe and he find himself relaxing as much as he can with Richie still inside him. 

"Okay," Stan whispers. "Move."

Richie starts out with a gently roll of his hips, making them both groan. They grind together for a few minutes, adjusting to this new feeling of each other. 

"So good, Stan, feel so good around me, baby, holy shit," Richie gasps out and his pace quickens slightly. 

Stan moans and his nails dig into Richie's back, trying to find anything to cling to while Richie takes him apart. Richie hisses as the pain of Stan's nails dig into him, but it just spurs him on and he kisses and bites every piece of skin his mouth comes into contact to. 

"Richie! Oh, oh god, right there," Stan groans out when Richie starts rocking into that sweet spot that his fingers teases earlier. Richie makes it his goal to hear Stan call out his name like that again, making sure that each thrust is aimed perfectly. 

It doesn't take long for both boys to meet their limits. They had both been worked up for awhile and the whole scene was intense. Richie reaches down for Stan's hard cock, and he mumbles a "Come for me, baby," before Stan is throwing his head back with another call of Richie's name. Richie is close behind, feeling the amazing way Stan's body tightens and spasms around him while he comes. 

Richie feels himself give out after his orgasms hits him, and when he feels like he can process things again, he pulls out, making them both hiss at the sensitivity. 

"You're amazing, Stanny, so beautiful, I'm so lucky, thank you," Richie says, punctuating each praise with a soft kiss. Stan's eyes are already starting to drift shut. He's glad that neither he or Richie have to work tomorrow because he doesn't want to leave the bed anytime soon and he's pretty sure he can't walk right now. His legs feel like jelly. 

He watches through a hood gaze as Richie peels off the condom and ties it before tossing it off the bed to be picked up tomorrow. 

Richie nuzzles into him, pulling the blanket over them, not even caring that they're leaving the lights on. Eddie will probably turn them off when he comes home to find them already asleep. 

"I love you so much," Richie repeats, and Stan can only smile in response. 

Meeting Richie and the other was the best thing that every happened to him. They taught him that it doesn't matter what others think as long he's true to himself and along the way, he found love. He doesn't know what the future holds, or what is to come. He doesn't know if his parents will ever truly accept him. But that's the future. Right now, he more than content to sleep in Richie's arm and hang out with the losers. 

He used to think that finding someone that he could actually love was a prayer, nothing more. That he would eventually force himself to marry a girl that deserved more than his fake love, but that he would please his parents despite his unhappiness. Or he would never find anyone and he would spend the rest of his life alone. But now he knows that love always wins. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's that! What a journey! Thank you all for being so supportive of my first fic ever. There are already so many things that I have learned from this story. Things I love, things I want to fix, things I want to build on, but I am so grateful for each and everyone of you. But stay tuned cause I am planning a Kaspbrough one shot that connects with this fic that a few people have asked for. Thank you again!!!

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, thank you so much for reading. I've had this idea for so long and I finally got an ao3 account! My tumblr is beepbeepbirb<3


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